H-Town Parents
Please read these guidelines on the high school's website:
https://hhs.hackettstown.org/apps/news/article/1590224
If you have a child in the high school, you must be aware of every word in that document.
Here is why:
If your child decides to change his/her name and pronouns, and they are not comfortable sharing that information with his/her parents - teachers are told to HIDE that information from parents. Teachers are told to use the child's preferred name and pronouns WITHOUT consent of the parent. Teachers are told to be intentionally deceptive to parents.
Parents, please be aware of these guidelines that are currently being enforced at the school. If you take issue with it, please speak up. Attend board meetings. Contact the administration. Protect your parental rights.
Concerned Parent 
StigerStreetTiger 
Philliesman Homeschool unless and until this nonsense is reversed. Schools don’t have the right to hide this kind of information from parents.
Green Trees Here are some direct passages from the state guidelines that are being enforced currently at Hackettstown High School. This information is posted on the school's website, accessible to the public.
"A school district shall accept a student’s asserted gender identity; parental consent is not required. Further, a student need not meet any threshold diagnosis or treatment requirements to have his or her gender identity recognized and respected by the district, school or school personnel"
"School districts shall ensure that a transgender student is addressed at school by the name and pronoun chosen by the student, regardless of whether a legal name change or change in official school records has occurred."
"School districts should discuss with the student, and any other individuals at the student’s request, the risks associated with the student’s transgender status being inadvertently disclosed."
"Schools are advised to work with the student to create an appropriate
confidentiality plan regarding the student’s transgender or transitioning status."
"School district personnel should have an open, but confidential discussion with the student to ascertain the student’s preference on matters such as chosen name, chosen pronoun to use, and parental communications."
Teachers are currently being told to hide information from parents.
Regardless of personal opinions and beliefs on gender, parents should be horrified. The school is making decisions for what they believe (or rather, what the state believes) is best for a child's social and emotional well being while completely circumventing the consent of parents. This is dangerous and unconscionable.
Speak up. Protect parental rights.
Parents that have good relationships with thier children have nothing to worry about. There is a method behind this madness and a sad one.
Alla
Jaff Afraid.... stop being afraid and talk to your kids! If you love them and listen this is not a surprise. The notes are to protect them if you are stuck in the 50's and cant process the reality of 2022. Same people on here upset would be pissed about ending segregation. Grow up and educate yourself!
Patrick I knew a guy who had a cousin who used pronouns. His called his cousin Cousin It.
Parents should be more worried that their children will tell the other parent about Mommies work affair.
dodgebaal I thinks it’s safe to use it as the pronoun. This way you can sound like Buffalo Bill fr silence of the lambs. It runs the lotion on its skin. Does it want a cookie or a slice of pie? Crazy world we live in. Kids today would have never survived the 70’s and 80’s. The best is when the gender bending occurs on a monthly basis. One day a woman the next a male. Maybe one day I just don’t identify.
Scotty There are people who “survived” the 70s and 80s but came out much later because of the toxicity. Kaitlyn Jenner comes to mind.
Don’t know why it matters to so many here how others live their lives.
Too Many Townies The issue here is that the school is hiding information from parents about their child. This isn't about being stuck in the 1950's, or being unwilling to accept progressive ways of thinking. This is about the public school replacing the role of of the parent without the parent knowing.
This is happening in the school right now.
I agree that if parents have strong relationships with their kids, that this may not affect their lives personally, but there is a bigger picture here.
When teachers are being told to actively deceive parents, it is a betrayal. It is wrong. That is the issue.
So what? If you don't even know your child's preference in this area, worry more about the fact that you need to fix your parenting skills.
maja2 Thank you Maja.
If the child trusts their Teacher more than their parents, there’s something wrong in the HOME- not the school.
Stymie Just wait when people want to identify as furries or aliens, and want to show up in costume and be addressed as Klingon or phanatic, they’re coming.
Roywhite @Concerned
Try again. Doesn't seem like you are getting the traction or attention you were looking for.
Have a nice day.
crazyjane Fear mongering. Too much NY Post and Fox News going on up in here. Too much fear of what’s different.
Personally, I’d rather hang out with the Furries or Klingons or whomever over people who dress up like or worship certain other historical figures…
Back to the kids. They need guidance, not control.
I don’t know the exact details or location, but a teacher didn’t bark to a student who identified as a dog. The teacher got fired. Google it
It was a cat and it was also a hoax...
https://www.newsweek.com/fact-check-was-teacher-fired-not-meowing-back-student-who-identifies-cat-1672597
ianimal I had a nickname in high school...everyone called me that....including teachers....my parents didn't know. Isn't this sort of the same thing? I don't think the teacher has to inform the parent that the student is asking to be called something else.
cheapskates Too Many Townies: Exactly. I'll take a furry over a some mental institution escapee who calls themselves a "Patriot". Coincidentally, they like to cosplay too...last big convention was on 1/6/21...
I grew up with a friend who hated his name, because his parents picked it without much consideration for the last name, because his mother loved a certain movie star. Rarely a day went by without a joke about it. When we went to high school together out of district, he decided to go by his middle name to end all of that and overall it worked well, but couple times a year someone would find out and I'd be a big laugh for everyone but him for a week as everyone mutually discovers the same wise cracks. Plenty of reasons to allow alternative names, beyond being trans.
Y'AllABunchOfBigots It seems most people responding have zero understanding of what is actually going on here. This is not a left or right issue at all. This is about the state determining what is the best course for a minors upbringing rather than the parents and making a concerted effort to hide what that course is. Some parents may support a child that wishes to follow this path and others may choose to help the child work through it in different ways. At the end of the day that decision is not up to the state but parents themselves. Childrens brains are not yet developed. This is why when they are tried in a court of law they are tried differently. They are not fully capable of making rational life choices because their brains are not fully developed. Regardless of what state run schools believe it is not up to them to choose whether or not a parent is notified about something. We are the taxpayers and these institutions are answerable only to us.
Mamasita My kids change their names numerous times while in high school, perhaps not the pronoun, but most certainly the name, sometimes dramatically.
I would not like to pay a teacher overtime to have them call and inform the parents each time a kid changes his or her name, pronoun or not. It seems that I could pay them to be doing something more educational with that time.
Babit Really do not find the "need" to weigh in on this topic, other than to agree with and support the comments that point out where the "concern" should emanate from in the first place. Between the parent and the student.
If that is adequate, useful, and comfortable for all parties, this latest instance of 'loco parentis' would be passing by without notice.
New2this @Babit
I am not saying that teachers should be calling to notify parents. They should honest and open while communicating with them. As it stand right now, teachers are being told to refer to the child by their chosen name and pronouns while in school, and use their birth name and pronouns while corresponding with the parent. Just to clarify.
And again, this is not about resistance to progressive ideas, or intolerance of transgendered people. This is about protecting the rights of parents. Schools shouldn't be deliberately hiding information. That's the bottom line.
My intention for this post was simply to bring awareness to parents who might not know the protocol taking place in the school. To me it seems unethical, and according to other parents I have spoken to, they agree - and were unaware of the policies in place.
hiker Are teachers being told to actively deceive parents?
Or are the high school students being treated with respect,dignity, and privacy.
Are they given the right to be themselves without interference from possible abusive parents who want to mold their child to think and feel what the parents want them to?
If you have an accepting relationship with your child, it's a non issue.
However, there may be parents that will physically, emotionally harm their child for not sticking to what Mom and Dad want.
Instead of worrying about this.
How about the strain it puts on the educators because parents can't handle the truth of their children?
Take up the cause to stop depression, mental health issues with students that are not free to be who they want.
How many suicides can be prevented?
Begs the question why this needs to be kept from parents. Some children need protecting from their parents and the only safe adults the encounter are paid by the taxes of their abusers. The only reason something like this becomes a thing is because some parent made it unsafe for their child to be honest with them about the very core of their identity. This is all about safety of children, not the comfort of the adults.
DailyMail 
H-town Mama Some parents are bigoted and hateful. No surprise there. For some students school is a safe place because home is not.
Sad but true.
Friendly resident Reading through the comments I can see why the policy is needed. Lots of hate and small mindedness on here too. Imagine that!
I don’t see bigotry and hate - but some people just look to be offended all the time - I see common sense in parents wanting to know what’s going on with their child(ren).
Regardless of what anyone thinks, a parent is still responsible for their child. If a teacher or anyone else suspects abuse then let them take it from there.
Agree Green Trees- the bottom line is parents not the school have the right to make decisions on behalf of their children. Withholding any info regarding a child is wrong especially when it is regarding physical and/or mental health. If the school has evidence of any abuse or danger concerning a child's well being they can bring it through the appropriate channels.
disgusted If Frank Junior wants to go to HHS wearing plaid skirts and be called Frenchie... I don't think it'll take long for the parents to find out about it, school notification or not.
Concerned parent; thank you. I did not fully understand the ramifications of this policy. I still hold to what I said, but given the information you provided, I might be more inclined to just say: “what’s easiest and most consistent for the teacher.”
I mean we have a few possibilities, two of which are the child’s given name, the second being the child’s self-selected name.
In that regard, it certainly makes it easy for the teacher to only use the child’s given name on speaking to the parents. That’s a easy song to dance to that the teacher will probably never screw up.
Then comes a difficult part, what do you call the child in school. The school could demand that they only use the given name. Given that the kids might never use their given name, that could be problematic. So perhaps, the better choice in school is to use whatever name the kid is freaking comfortable with, kids choice. But the teachers can avoid all sorts of issues, not by hiding whatever name du jour the kid is using, but by sticking to the kids given name when speaking to parents as perhaps a formal manner of addressing all students in the school. They would be hiding nothing.
And no way to the teacher ever be in a position to have to call the parents to tell them of the kids new name. Just not their job
Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds and in the inconsistent world of ever changing names of kids in school, perhaps it is just easier to wing it while in school, but use formal given names when talking to parents, which is some extent is always a formal discussion anyway.
Perhaps just another way of looking at the same thing but trying to get to the easiest, consistent solution.
Ps- In our day, moon child was a favorite self-selected name… And I don’t know how many times I was called the wrong gender, I had a dollar for each one, you can call me moonchild…
So does it make sense for parents to expect to be contacted about their child failing a class or skipping school or being bullied BUT not to be contacted if their CHILD is changing their gender at school!?? It seems that HHS is almost pushing this on students who have no idea who they are yet and what they want. They are too young and immature to make such a change. They are still children. Why don’t more “parents” find it disturbing that the school is hiding this from them?? KIDS at the high school are doing this more and more. EVERY day more students are “identifying” as the opposite sex and asking the school to hide it from their guardians and the school does just that. Does it bother anyone that these students can chose what restroom to use depending on how they feel?? So kids of different genders are using the same restrooms at the same time! No one has a problem with this??
Parents, Get your children out of public school (and into a high-quality homeschooling program). If this public school-control of children keeps up, your child will be the next victim of child trafficking.
na 
4catmom The policy is about allowing children the freedom to fully explore their identity, while ensuring protection from potential violence at home after coming out.
It is well documented that LGBTQIA+ youth experience rates of homelessness/disownment and household abuse when compared to their straight peers.
Many children and young adults do not feel safe in their home environment, which can delay their ability to live in their truth; this can result in increased rates of depression and suicide.
Teachers are qualified professionals charged with protecting one of our most vulnerable populations. They are mandatory reporters if abuse is suspected; their job is to facilitate a safe space for your kids.
This policy seems perfectly evidence-based, and I would only echo the sentiments above in that: your child should *already* feel comfortable discussing topics pertaining to their sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression with you, the parent. If not, perhaps your concern should be with why the disconnect exists between you and your young one.
FriendlyFarmer There you have it, it's the whack a doodle types like na that interestingly enough cause these types of scenarios.
Too many Marjorie Taylor Green wannabes. Stop listening to Tucker....
Yes, please home school your children you're trying to control.
Put them in private school where you can keep tabs on them if you can't manage the home school experience.
A COMMUNITY public school might not be in the best interest for the fear mongering parents.
As the OP stated, they spoke to other parents that feel the same. I'm sure they did, and I'm sure those parents are their friends. The coffee clatch has spoken and we should all be angry and afraid. Nope, there are plenty parents that worry about their kids, that is true. As a community, we should worry about ALL kids.
If it saves a child from harming themselves because they are isolated, then I'm all for it.
Stop trying to turn this into more of what it is.
If you're child is not comfortable with you knowing, that's on you.
Stating that everyone is offended these days just indicates a lack of concern for the mental health of the youth.
"If there is abuse, then let it go through the proper channels."
Sounds great but I doubt it's as easy as that.
I read the entire document.
It said nothing of actively lying to parents and or sex trafficking.
As mentioned above, parents expect teachers to parent and then turn on the schools. Parenting is not just discipline.
It's love and compassion. Many kids don't receive that from their home life.
It's about identity, not sex.
I feel very sorry for the kids of the controlling parents. Yet, these parents insist they are being controlled. I can hear the gaggle, "if they can do this, then what's next? It's all about control, Q said this would happen, blah, blah......."
Most parents these days grew up in the 80's. What the heck kind of mind altering substance was put in Flintstone's vitamins?
The school isn't hiding anything. The policy is on the website. If you have a concern about your child regarding this. ASK your child if this might apply to them. I think this policy will open dialogues at home.
Walking Girl Schoolsucks,
Other than urinating and defecating, hopefully washing hands. What else happens in the restroom? Please elaborate....
How old were you when you knew who you were and what you wanted?
Teenagers never keep things from their parents.
Teenagers never make decisions they regret.
Teenagers never decide to make decisions that will change their life.
Teenagers never do things just to fit in with friends.
Teenagers never do things out of spite toward their parents.
The truth of the matter is that as much as these guidelines are set in place to protect them from parents who could become violent when they learn of their choices, it also prevents just as many parents from having important conversations with their child who may regret this choice.
With adults in charge only ever affirming this decision, kids can get ahold of hormones without parental consent and hormones are no joke. Many young female detransitioners now live with male voices they can't ever get rid of.
With adults in charge only ever affirming this decision, and friends supporting and encouraging this decision, how difficult would it be to an already insecure, possibly depressed teenager to tell everyone they've made a mistake. Teenagers are always able to admit when they're wrong.... ??
Not all parents who want to be informed are bigots. They want to be able to talk about this important decision. They want to be able to ask their child if they've weighed the consequences. They want to be able to parent their child. Some of you say that if they were good parents they'd already know? Do you forget what it's like to be a teenager? I was the squarest teen I knew and yet I did things I hid from my loving and supportive parents simply because I thought I knew better.
Some of you say: these other parents should be more concerned that they don't know enough about their kids rather than worry about what schools keep from them. How will they know what is kept from them?
It would be one thing if the child received received intensive therapy after telling the school how they're feeling, but schools don't have time for that. It's immediate affirmation.
Htownrez It’s sad parents have made this about themselves and not the kids. Kids who could be hurting or confused and just need someone nonjudgmental in their lives.
They need to become individuals. Whatever that looks like.
I’m cis but I’d be willing to lend a supportive ear. I know what it’s like to grow up in a less-than-supportive home and have to figure things out for myself.
Liberty, I can accept that there might be a minority of children who favor LGBTQ concepts. However, my issue with this program is that it affects ALL children and that’s a problem. Face it, this is not a program to “protect” LGBTQ individuals. it’s a program to indoctrinate our youth. It’s a cancer not unlike that which is eating away at the fabric of this country.
BC Concerned Parent, I agree with you. Thank you for starting this conversation and putting the word out there!
It has been said that guidance counselors will encourage trans students to tell their parents about their transition, pronouns, etc which is a little encouraging in an otherwise disturbing situation.
What I also find upsetting is the new sex education curriculum for K-12 that will begin in the fall.
I agree if people are concerned about no parent notification, any of the new LBGTQA+ mandates and/or the new sex education curriculum, they need to attend board meetings!
Many other schools are not offering these meetings. We are fortunate that Hackettstown is holding these to allow for parents’ input. The state has its laws, but each school can tailor curriculum. If you’re reading this and are also a concerned parent, go to the meetings! The May meeting is supposed to have samples of the new curriculum that parents can comment on.
Agreed! "they" also push to give children in schools some (any?) medications without out parental consent and without informing parents, and without noting med. intervention in med. charts.
Yes - schools are great....
Why do you, parents, allow this to happen?
Don't answer this question, you are free to gamble with your children.
Pyc In the 2000 report, commissioned by the American Association of University Women, surveyors asked students between eighth and 11th grades whether they had ever experienced inappropriate sexual conduct at school. The list of such conduct included lewd comments, exposure to pornography, peeping in the locker room, and sexual touching or grabbing. Around one in 10 students said they had been the victim of one or more such things from a teacher or other school employee, and two-thirds of those reported the incident involved physical contact. If these numbers are representative of the student population nationwide, 4.5 million students currently in grades K-12 have suffered some form of sexual abuse by an educator, and more than 3 million have experienced sexual touching or assault. This number would include both inappropriate romantic relationships between teachers and upperclassmen, and outright pedophilia.
These kids could be rolling the dice seeking out a teacher instead. People should not be acting like teachers are perfect when we see so many cases of abuse done by teachers. Just google it.
danny zucko It is difficult to find info about the new sex education curriculum. I’ve been told it will be posted on school websites by August.
Here is a recent article about a situation that happened in March in Kinnelon. Whatever your views, please keep in mind that yes, this is from The Center for Garden State families which is more conservative but the facts in the article are still facts.
In addition to these Morris county middle schoolers being shown a video about a transitioning person, the article outlines some of the new sex education. I strongly oppose kids being taught about anal sex by the end of 8th grade and a lot of other people do too. I’m also against kids being able to “Differentiate between sexual orientation and gender identity” by the end of 5th grade. 5th grade! High school, fine, they are going to be talking about it with their friends and reading online. But 5th grade is much too young.
Here is the article:
https://www.gardenstatefamilies.org/post/parents-outrage-at-kinnelon-pearl-r-miller-middle-school
Unfortunately with the way schools are now, you're going to have to have conversations with your kids at home. States like NJ just want to indoctrinate kids. Glad we moved out.
Metsman Ever hear of the Internet? Kids today know far more than you may think. Stop the faux outrage and start talking to your kids. You are their parents after all…
Quite an interesting assortment of views. Haven't read them all but what appears to be missing is input from at least one of the truly affected class, the parent(s) of a child with gender identification issues. What I believe is the intent of this policy, from the schools' perspective, is to help, through education (which opposed to indoctrination involves some back and forth discussion) that individual child's "issues" to become a non-issue. It might be best to park the torches and pitchforks by the door until the scheduled meeting to unveil and explain the curriculum occurs.
Thank you New2this, I realize that making sense is hard to come by these days but what you stated is true. Lots of fuss without knowing the full extent of what's really going on. Voice of reason. Too many are over dramatic and living in their little bubbles.
Google “Red, Blue and Purple” lesson plan for second graders. It can be found on Advocatesforyouth.org
It talks about gender stereotypes which is great - kids can play with any toy they wish (dolls, trucks) no matter their gender and shouldn’t be teased for it. People can be successful in any career, no matter their gender. All good in my book…
HOWEVER, it also contains “You may feel like you’re a boy even if you have body parts that some people might tell you are ‘girl’ parts. You may feel like you’re a girl, even if you have body parts that some people might tell you are ‘boy’ parts.
This is planting a seed in children’s minds. Kids are so impressionable. If you don’t know that, you either aren’t paying attention or you don’t have children.
To be fair, this is a SAMPLE lesson plan, it doesn’t have to be used by the teacher. But it CAN be used. For 2nd graders!!!
Agreed,
I understand your concern about introducing ideas at "such a young age", but according to medicinenet, "In a 2020 study of transgender adults, 73% of transgender women and 78% of transgender men reported that they first experienced gender dysphoria by age seven" (which is around 2nd grade).
(I know nothing of the validity of that study, BUT...) If that is true, it seems as though the second grade might be an appropriate age to introduce such topics about how SOME kids may feel different. Of course, it also depends on how it is introduced and taught, but assuming we are dealing with what appears to be age appropriate lessons and given the age at which this seems to develop, I don't see an issue with this being introduced at that age.
jnnjr @FriendlyFarmer and @New2this I couldn't agree more.
The most vulnerable are not the parents nor the children that are clearly one gender or the other (e.g. 99% of the kids).
For the 1% that are questioning their gender, school can be a brutal place and anything that can be done to make it less traumatic the better. The suicide rates for these kids speak volumes that we must pay attention to.
If your kid is not questioning then all of this a non-issue. No one is getting converted and there is no indoctrination going on. Despite what you may hear from the alarmist pundits that are creating fires where there is none to distract us.
If your kid is not talking to you about important topics then that's a good place to start. Do no harm....
friendly mcface This is completely descusting that this is even being discussed for children! Absolutely child abuse! Shameful!