Friday Funnies 2020
It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.
*And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus Package works!*
OK, generally I don't like to fun this tragedy but...…..breaking news, and true!
This ain't no pulp fiction. Look who's taking now.
John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected C-19 this weekend. But Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they assure everyone that he is Stayin Alive. Apparently, " I got chills, they're multiplying" was the actor's lament when he entered the Hospital.
Welcome to Hollywood, I'll let you wild hogs take it from here.
A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,”‘ he speaks uneasily from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse responds, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and foot. ”He tries to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look normal."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you so much. That was great. Now listen very, very closely:
Are – my – test – results – back?”
I thought I was buying simple honey dipped dates.
But.....nuclear free? donkey hide gelatin?
Do we REALLY need to celebrate Halloween this year?
I mean, I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for over 6 months now...
Politics is a choice of enemas. You're gonna get it up the ass, no matter what you do.
George V. Higgins
This Covid19 scare has affected more than we realize:
The Seven Dwarfs have been told they can only meet now in groups of 6....One of them is not Happy....
Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me everyday. He is from India and is very concerned about my car warranty.
How to read
This band really leans into you lyrically. They take on a whole new angle on Heavy Metal.
No bass player... that must have been the "...And Justice For All" recording session, lol.
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