College?
Would like your opinion on something...my son is about to graduate hs. He constantly turns in homework assignments late and is almost failing math. I am reluctant to send him away to college because I question his maturity when it comes to his studies. I have had heart to heart conversations with him and he says he wants to go to college. He is seriously considering two schools and has received good scholarships to both so it is affordable for us.
Due to his lack of motivation to do his homework, should I insist on attending community college until he proves himself?
SusanAbsolutely. If he has already received two scholarships...he must be doing something right.
joyful Almost failing math? Yikes! Is he smart, but not motivated? Then community college is a good choice. He needs to prove he cares about education and a future. Maybe a technical school would be a better fit. Good luck to all!
maja2 He says hs is a joke and that he will try harder in college. He is pretty smart, just not motivated.
If he has scholarships to make it affordable, give him a shot for a year. Let him know up front if minimum grades previously agreed upon with him are not met, you will no longer pay.
D-ManPV 
Clyde Potts Without question community college. It can be an expensive gamble if going away doesn’t work out. I know from personal experience. Going away to college doesn’t guarantee maturity and motivation. Really think it through. Good luck
outsider Failing math, turning in homework late??? How the heck did he get scholarships??? Sports??
Botheredbyuu2 Yes, agree with the above. Community college for now, but if he’s not ready he may not do well in community college either. I went through this with my daughter and my best friend went through it with her son. When they graduated high school they just weren’t ready for college at that time.
It took a few years and now my best friend’s son will be getting his bachelors next year in criminal justice and my daughter will be getting her masters in marketing/business this month.
Also, I think what helped motivate my daughter while she was undecided about college is that she worked as a cashier making very little money. Not nearly enough for her to get her own place or even finance a decent car. Basically a reality check.
Every kid is different, some kids need a little more time than others.
Positive Does he have any idea what he may be interested in doing? This is probably the most important thing. Almost failing math rules out STEM careers unless he can prove himself at a county college first. Then going to college for a liberal arts degree is probably the route. Unless he has firm ideas on what to do go with the school with the most financial assistance/least out-of-pocket for you.
Again, the key is to find out what will motivate him...
iJay If it's a scholarship it's not such a gamble. You might want to remind him that "C" students don't get to keep their scholarship. Unless things have changed you won't get that scholarship as a transfer in from community college.
GC He will be pursuing a liberal arts degree. He was able to get merit scholarships because he did very well the first two years of hs and he applied early. His overall gpa is a 3.1 and he takes a few advance placement (college level) classes, which he manages to get b's in.
I am leaning towards giving him 1 yr and see what happens. Thank you for all of your suggestions. I can see you are all divided on this as well :)
Oh, and I have explained to him that if he loses his scholarships, he will not be able to go. Too expensive!
My parents gave me a deal for college tuition. 4.0 gpa, they pay 100%, 3.5 50%, 3.0 or lower, 0%.
I graduated with a 3.9 gpa ;-)
There’s some motivation!
Positive- what is Clyde talking about? Is he insinuating that this is a joke? I am not following
Clyde would have to answer that question, but it is April Fool’s Day.
Forgive me, I’m really not trying to be rude. I’m just confused about the scholarships. I’ve never heard of getting merit scholarships for a student that has a 3.1 gpa. I know you said your son did very well during the first two years, but doesn’t the last two years count, actually count even more than the first two years?
You don’t have to reply, it’s none of my business. Just confused...
I totally get what you are saying but it’s true.... the schools that he received scholarships to are very small private schools. The scholarships are not full scholarships but about 50% of tuition, which makes it affordable but not free. We are talking about under 25,000 cost per yr.
I am slightly offended that someone would think this is a joke. I often question my decisions as a parent and thought that this forum would be a good place to get opinions.
Susan- with a 3.9 gpa, i would have been responsible for 10%... But my parents saw how hard i worked that they ultimately paid for it all. I was very fortunate. But for the record, it was also an in-state public school and I commuted from home for 2 of the 4 years... so it was a bargain compared to most tuitions.
I’m sorry didn’t mean to offend you..just that it is April Fool’s Day, you never know.
Thanks for the clarification and best of luck to your son.
Calico696 I am not really sure why this is so unbelievable. In fact, with this gpa and his ACT score, he would have qualified for scholarship at West Virginia university ( according to their website, see link). Small private schools give even more than public schools. You don’t need to have straight A’s to get a scholarship.
I guess some of you are a little out of touch with how the merit scholarships work.
https://admissions.wvu.edu/files/d/276df541-ce85-47b4-9a2c-a2eaab71c37a/scholarship-handout-web.png
Susan,
My daughter was in a similar position as your son with good grades, SATs etc. She also received scholarships. We thought about community college because of her issues with deadlines, tardiness etc. BUT, we gave her a chance at a four year school. She stepped up and rose to the occasion.
I believe you should give your son a chance at a four year school. He will be challenged in so many ways a community college experience simply could not do. Should he be unable to perform away at school, then community college.
Robin Trade School or apply at a local union, operators union, electrical union, carpenters union.. great careers, after fours years it's close to 90k a year with no debt..
JD4020 Yes, absolutely agree with community college first for a multitude of reasons. My parents gave me an ultimatum: go to community where they will help foot the bill, or go to a state school and I’m on my own. I was a great student, but missed NJ Stars by just a little bit. Two years later, the recession hit and changed the stigma of going to community college. There is no shame in it. It’ll give him a chance to gain his footing, figure out what he wants to do/develop study habits, and the bonus- it’ll cut down on debt considerably. Nothing wrong with starting on a county level.
Disgruntledone1 $25,000 per year. Even half is a lot.
CCM math will fail you if your homework is always (or often) late.
Warren County is kinder with lateness, but their credits don't transfer as easily as CCM's do. They do have great tutors.
And scholarship $ disappears if grades are below C.
Highschool is VERY different from college.
College needs to be treated like a job. Show up early, do your best, take notes, and do not procrastinate. Do homework RIGHT after class. I would head straight to the library or study room for 1 hour before heading home.
If you get behind on homework at college, it quickly stacks up, and you can easily reach the point of no return. You will get the grade you have earned. No excuses, and no breaks.
I would let him apply for the scholarship college for September, but make attending it contingent on him successfully completing a county college math course.
He needs to prove himself.
If he flunks out, his student loans will still need to be repaid. And that's a tough lesson to learn.
Keri I'm with JD4020. If you don't think he's ready, suggest to him to take a year off to mature and get a job doing a trade to make money to help pay what the scholarships don't cover. He learns a trade, makes money and matures enough to go away to school.
From experience I can say the first year of College is just as boring as HS. It's all qualifying classes, required English, math classes and basic sciences, and while some are interesting, it's theory classes even for four year programs. If he's unmotivated because HS is boring, his first year is going to be just as bad as he does the mind numbing basics.
I don't know how old your son is, but I graduated at 17 and was unchallenged in HS, so I tended to have grads similar to your son's. I can honestly say I was nowhere near ready for College for at least two years. I ended up wasting the scholarship I did have and ended up going back for a Degree in Psychology later with much better success.
He’s gotta grow up sometime. My vote is college but put the stipulation that if he messes up, the tuition you paid is on him to pay back to you. And have him sign a promissory note acknowledging this.
YeahRight ...But you know what? There are not enough tradespeople out there. I would gladly trade in my STEM degrees to become an electrician (prob too old now to start over). Better opportunities all around and you’re in demand just about anywhere you go.
The commute to CCM can be discouraging.
Warren County credits will transfer if one takes the right classes. My daughter went there, and then to Rowan Univ. and was accepting into and graduated from the honors biology program. 60 of her 62 credits taken at Warren transferred to Rowan (everything except the "intro to college" class), and she graduated in four years total.
Reggie Voter I know how the scholarships work. Been there, done that.
That's why something just doesn't sound right. I guess things changed over the years.
Good luck to your son.
Thank you all for your advice. I agree their aren’t enough tradespeople. I have no issues with that career path except he doesn’t want to do it.
I will probably let him go to the 4 yr college. The school will take away the scholarship if his grades are not “adequate” and then he will go to community. There are no loans for first year since we have managed to save money so worst case scenario, we lose 25k. Although it will most likely not be a total loss because maybe some credits will transfer from the 4yr to community.
Best case scenario, he thrives and gets to stay.
I believe that all state colleges require the students pass a math exam... If they do not they can take remedial classes until they pass. This is aside from SATs. Might want to check...
Acl76 I should mention that 5k of the 25 k we have saved was saved by him by working part time jobs. So he is paying for part of his first year
Yeah, I’m really confused also... My son has a 4.33 GPA and much higher day score!!! And his merit scholarships are not even half of private colleges!!! So either this is a April fools joke!!! Or someone isn’t telling the truth... They don’t give great scholarships for what you’re sons GPA and SATs scores are... Been doing this college thing for over a year!!!!
Confused Ack76- I think he is required to take a math entrance exam, which he may not pass. He will most likely need to start with remedial math.
I was waiting to hear the kid had under a 2.0. LOL... 3.1 is decent. CCM is a good school though at a much cheaper rate. My son did poorly in HS and made the Deans list the Fall of 2018 at CCM. A lot of it is maturity with kids.
Metsman Confused, I’m confused. As far as I know the highest gpa a student can achieve is 4.0. Not sure where you are getting 4.33 from.
https://blog.prepscholar.com/what-is-a-gpa-scale
Positive, when you’re in High School you can take AP classes and if you get As in the AP classes your gpa is higher... My son has taken 9 AP classes in high school and they are actually counted as college credits...
The AP classes are College courses.... So he is taking College courses in High School..... Some kids in his school have higher gpa,s than he does... These are the kids that get into Ivy’s!!!!
Just watch for the parent loans...those are the ones parents pay!! Maybe he can take the math at community over the summer :)
Confused- yes they do give these scholarships. What schools is your son looking at? My son got these scholarships at small private schools- I am not talking about highly competitive schools such as u Penn or Ivy’s, but good schools, probably in line with centenary. Would prefer not to mention the specific schools for privacy purposes. I am guessing your 4.3 student applied to pretty competitive schools.
My son also had ALOT of volunteer work. He also applied super early like in October. These things help as well.
If you look at the average freshman student profile for the schools your son applied to and his gpa is in the middle to high end, he should have qualified for scholarships.
Why to walk away from scholarships? He seems to be a pretty responsible person - he worked and saved his earnings for college instead of spending right away. If he gets good grades on his AP exams, credits can be converted to college credits, it will save some money on total tuition also. The connections that 4-year college gives and alumni association, especially at the small private college, are usually great and help later in life. You might just over-react about the whole situation because you use to "manage" his every aspect of life and he is going away. Don't worry, he will be OK. As you said, he is a smart young man. It will be tougher adjustment for you when he is away on his own.
BTW, many kids have "senioritis", especially the ones who already have chosen college and have scholarships. Just let him to re-read scholarship grade requirements. And he definitely needs to do well on AP exams.
Lena Yes, 3.1 is definitely ok for college just not the top schools. What are his passions? Can they be transferred to a career? Maybe he is better in a trade profession? Electrician? Electrician's will be in demand for a long time. With a 3.1 nobody can say he doesn't belong in college unless he doesn't want to; and then he needs a path to a job that can support him. Volunteer work, what is it? Can it be transferred to a career (likely can)?
What does he want to do? I would start working in a technical trade. Forget school. Try some trades out and see what makes him happy. You can make money and learn at the same time. I don’t k is why there is still such insistence towards college. It’s not for everybody and way too many people are going.
Toby Cavanaugh Confused- seton hall will give 22,500 in merit scholarship to students in top 10% in class. With a 4.3 your son must have been in top 10 or very close. Deadline was dec 15
https://www.shu.edu/undergraduate-admissions/scholarships.cfm
more merit scholarships....with a 2.75 gpa, student gets 21,000
https://www.delval.edu/offices-services/financial-aid/scholarships/merit-scholarships
I hope I have proven myself to the disbelievers. Lol
FYI- NJ state law is that ANY college credits earned at ANY NJ community college transfer to ANY NJ state university.
sports fan If the choice is a fairly free ride at a 4 yr leave home vs. pay-as-you-grow 2-yr stay at home with the major variable being maturity in studying for a gifted AP student.......I would roll the dice for free. You cam always fall back to cc with little lost.
Sounds like you can have a talk, even show him the thread. He sounds mature enough; I bet he will get it.
He goes, he makes it....yea. He goes, he fails, you’re back to community college but now you have a teachable moment with experience points.
StrangerDanger Susan, you have looked at total costs not just tuition correct? Many years ago I had received a full tuition scholarship to a private school in nj but it required i live in the school dorms. That is where they can get their money. Living in their overpriced dorms was more expensive than commuting to an in state college and paying full price for in state tuition. Private schools can make you think they are giving you a great scholorship, but they find ways to get the money back. They charge more for all non tuition items.
Gm mom Like I said, been going through this college thing for over a year.........My son has hundreds of community service hours under his belt...... Send your son to the college he was accepted to......Some kids thrive in college......He might just surprise you....I wish him all the best!!!!! Don’t worry everything will work out......
If your teen has an IEP or a 504 plan, some accommodations are available in college. let them know,
skippy To be considered, if a 4 year is giving credit for 9 AP classes, that covers a chunk of Community college time. Might as well go straight to 4 year. Loans could still be $50k plus. Scary, but could be worse!
Unless they pick up a full ride scholarship somewhere, all my kids will do their first 2 years at WCCC. Once they prove they're going to be students and make it worth my money, I'll then pay for any school then can get into.
I will not in any manner pay for a 4+ year extension of their adolescence.
walleyed No matter how you look at it!!! College is crazy expensive....... Scholarships or not!!! A full ride to college doesn’t cover all of the other expenses.... My son chose a college that he will come out with debt of a car payment, not a house payment!!! He chose a college that is known for the field he wants to go into..... This year with all the college stuff was a real eye opener!!! If I knew what I know now about the cost of college!!!!! I would have tried to save more money....
I agree with the posters who recommend community college. That’s the route I took. After getting an associates degree I then transferred 90% of my credits to a state college and graduated from there with a bachelors. No where on my bachelors does it say that I didn’t spend all 4 years at the state school. Don’t look at it as “I saved 50% bc of scholarships.” Think of it as “I save 90% by sending him to CC.” $2,000/month is still a VERY large sum of money, especially when a liberal arts degree won’t get him a good job.
Much good advice given; however, you know your child best. I work in the school system and some students are unmotivated in a high school setting and go on to do very well. On the other hand, some go on to flunk out. Colleges require math and language arts placement tests and some students have to take remedial math and or English classes their freshman year. Remember that once your child is in college, parents do not automatically get access to report cards. You can work out a way to monitor your child's grades, attendance, and transition to college. Students often benefit from getting involved in activities on a college campus, unless it's alcohol based. Best of luck on this endeavor. Also helpful to have your child job shadow in their field of interest, if they have decided upon one now.
Get a grip 
Dr.Benway The sad part of things today is you need a collage degree to mop a floor or dig a hole in the ground
collage is a must
Caged Animal toby, while your statement that college is a waste of time and money may or may not be true for you or people you know directly, caged animal is not wrong. not only do more and more jobs require a college degree, now more and more jobs require a graduate degree. why? it's the law of supply and demand. if more people apply and more of them have degrees, the hiring manager will generally hire the one with the most total qualifications, and, yes, a college degree is a qualification.
as for your statement, studies show that on average, a person with a college degree makes $1 million more over a lifetime than someone without a college degree. no degree costs that much, yet (unless you bribe someone).
it's also who you know out there, to get you into their company!
See how he does in a local county college for a semester or year.
I know someone who only went to college to party at 18 yrs old. she was a C student in high school and didn't want to do homework or study (just drink and stay out late with the boys). she wound up getting pregnant at college within a few months and dropped out within 2 months of getting pregnant. can't afford the child; guy is just some guy, can't get much in assisted state money due to year or two waiting lists.
make sure he makes a commitment to study and get at least a B, or it will be wasted time and MONEY.
Hackresident Ken e. The assertion that you need a degree to mop floors is false. That may have been somewhat true in 2009-15. Right now if you have two legs and a pulse you can get an entry level job and start getting experience. In most non professional fields that’s the more cost effective way to go. $250k in debt is not a good start. The cost of college education since it was government subsidized has skyrocketed faster than any other commodity in the USA. It’s not worth it for those with average and below IQ.
I think it depends on the major, especially the last two years of college. Research the type of positions that are in demand prior to declaring a major for the last two years in college.
My daughter’s friends who have bachelor degrees in Social Science and others in English can’t find anything.
My daughter started with a Liberal Arts degree, two years later Psychology, two years after that Marketing with a concentration in Business. Because she realized she’d have a better chance at getting a good job with a degree in the latter.
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