HHS Senior Overnight After Prom Trip Thoughts

So, my 17 year Junior son came home and told me yesterday that the HHS Senoir class has invited the whole Junior class to their Annual Weekend Seaside Heights trip this year. I want to ask if anyone has any prior experience or advice on the pariculars of this trip...prior trips with their kids involved...partying in the hotel etc....its no parents, everyone's supposed to be staying the the same hotel, no nonsense, just partying with the Senior class....I trust my kid, but thats a long ways away without adult supervision, and i know what i did on the Senior afterprom getaway...lol...just real skeptical on kids alone for the weekend that far away in general....

Any thought or comments are well appreciated.

rakeem bright rakeem bright
February 8th

I did not allow my kids to go as juniors only seniors, there was no special invite both classes always go. I did drop my children off and did see first hand what goes on. It is a huge drink fest with security provided by the hotel just to cover themselves from the police sitting in the parking lot waiting for a slip up. As a junior I see no need for it both my kids thank me for making them wait the extra year, even if then I was the worst person ever!


Im still young enough to remember this time of the senior year. When i look back on it it, there was alot of alcohol involved and its a bit blurry to me. At that age its tough to make calcuatee decisions even if you trust your child. If this was my son and his senior year , i would do my best to either not let him go, rather offer an alternative trip that weekend with close family or friends together.. or if he did go, i would follow and watch him. Too much freedom all at once isnt healthy.
But thats just me! My son is only 7 now, so still a ways to go! And btw who started this "go down the shore " ordeal anyway. I graduated from a Hudson County HS, and down the shore was a thing there too. Well, good luck!


If the school approved it, {provided your son a slip/permission/disclaimer form for you to sign to attend the trip}, I'd have much less concern (as mentioned it's part of the school's "Annual Weekend Seaside Heights trip".

On the other hand, if it's just a couple of senior friends of your son passing "word" or "indirectly" inviting him (every Junior one) to the trip, I'd respectively decline he can't until he gets the official form/signoff to go from the school.

My son has went to Boston and another *SCHOOL* event he had a blast!

ftcfda@aol.com ftcfda@aol.com
February 8th

"or if he did go, i would follow and watch him"

oh god this is how people parent nowadays?


I told my son no for the beach trip after prom. Told him to go another weekend. I don't think he really wanted to go. Bunch of friends went to Dorney the next day and had fun.

The entire junior class being invited sounds like fudge to me :)


Let him go. Regardless if he is there or home, if he wants to get into trouble or make the wrong decision he will do it. Have faith, and trust your son, that he will make good decisions. If he has never drank before, let him have some drinks at home, so he knows what to expect.

I say let him go. It's a memory that will last him a lifetime! Don't be that overbearing helicopter parent.

Again...
February 8th

Who is laying down a credit card and booking a hotel room for minors to drink - that sounds a bit risky


Thanks for all yall insight....really appreciate it

rakeem bright rakeem bright
February 8th

While I may be too old to remember ;-) , in the 70’s, in hs, in the land of the Kavanaugh, the kids ran the ski club and we went aeay for a couple weeks each year. Kids hired the bus, selected the chaperons, planned the trip. I was very small so they thought it funny to get me to buy the liquor. Bus rolls up, I go in, guy says “r u crazy,” I put up the cash and list for 50 kids and they carried it out to the bus.

Nobody died; some broken things, and very little alone time; it’s how we rolled.

So I say, it depends; you gots to do your homework. When in doubt, I say no and I want to know as much as Lina knows by peeping, as if I was there comfortable. And I’m with Lina; trust but verify. My kids went and went on many another coed adventure. There was no need to verify, we were mafe comfortable before we said yes.

Strangerdanger Strangerdanger
February 8th

I have a one year old so I'm not there yet but I can say that I remember 10 years ago or so very well when my mom did NOT let me go. I remember being a little disappointed but also kind of relieved that I knew I wouldn't be pressured or scared of getting in trouble. Every year I was in high school, someone went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning on that trip. A bunch of friends and I went to an amusement park instead and let me tell you... We had a blast. No drama, no alcohol, no fear of getting in trouble or arrested, no pressure... Just good, clean fun. And looking back now... It was so fun being a KID. Encourage them to embrace this time in their life and be a KID. They have plenty of time for the other stuff.


What police force is going to sit in a parking lot while minors are drinking inside...waiting for a slip up. That's a sham!!

CraftBeerBob CraftBeerBob
February 8th

That would be a big bucket of Nope from me, rakeem.


No !

htownguy htownguy
February 8th

What police force is going to sit in a parking lot while minors are drinking inside...waiting for a slip up.

Um, Cheshire, CT. The wife and daughters were assaulted and burned alive while the police formed a perimeter.

Reggie Voter Reggie Voter
February 8th

I went when i was in high school. Honestly I did more drinking in a corn field on a random Friday night vs prom weekend at the shore. I remember coming home early because it was boring.

At the shore they also are not driving.


In 1947 we went to the Meadowbrook after the prom and saw Louie Primer. of Please don't squeeze a the Banana, Fame

In 1981 my daughter did not go to the Prom. She organized a group of about 20 together and went to a Broadway show that night and took the train in.

Old Gent Old Gent
February 8th

My son went his junior and senior year. He was not a huge fan but went anyway. You pay cash for the rooms, no credit cards. This is not a school sponsored trip, there is no supervision by adults, it’s basically a free for all. But my son told me nobody got arrested either year, my guess is the cops turn a blind eye.

Jesse132 Jesse132
February 8th

Went to HS in "central" NJ....and we went to the shore for after prom. Not school sanctioned - groups of kids went. Junior year it wasn't even a thought and I think the only juniors that went were ones who had senior boy/girl friends ...senior year - YES. BUT....at that point you could drink legally in NJ at 18 years old and most/all of us by May/June of senior year were 18....so drinking was actually legal and most of us went to clubs on weekends during senior year (or when you turned 18).

Looking back it was crazy b/c we all drove cars down - stayed in hotel/motels - paid cash - I think for 1 or 2 nights. Junior year the next day after the prom we all went to Great Adventure - it had only been open about 3-5 years at that point and they used to have "major" music groups there (late 70's)….so went to see Foreigner on the Saturday night after prom. I remember that more than the prom.

Good memories of senior year post-prom shore trip....and senior trip which was about 2 weeks after prom (but that was school sponsored and "policed" by teachers/staff). Prom.....it was OK....more hype than it was worth....and back in the day it wasn't the $$ that proms today are. It was a junior/senior prom and was at a hotel/catering place - which at the time was considered very lavish. I remember 5 couples renting a limo (that was BIG time - senior year only) and most girls made or got fairly inexpensive dresses. Guys rented tux's…..most girls got their nails done, but not hair/make-up; pre-prom parties, expensive "ask to prom" things, etc.















99


I don't even understand how they are able to rent a room. When i went to seaside for vacation years back you needed to be 18+ to rent. Last time i went it was right after "senior week" and the staff at the hotel said it is absolutely insane down there at that time and that all it is is drunk teens running around causing trouble. I personally would not want my kid there.


It’s not a school sponsored event. No supervision. The kids do drive down there. Alcohol, drugs, sex and a lot of shenanigans and malarkey going on. Kids jumping off balconies into the pool, partying with kids they don’t know from other areas. Not the kind of place i would consider a “great experience” for a teen. It’s one thing if they go with a small group to the beach, share a nice dinner and hit the boardwalk before heading home, but to participate in a hotel free for all, no. It’s not my teen and her friends I’d worry about it’s the others you hear about with radical behavior. Don’t forget, your kid screws up or is involved with someone who does, it just may mean an opportunity for college gets lost. Too much to lose when you put yourself on the line.


Drunken kids under the legal drinking age, drinking illegally without supervision at the shore for the weekend and parents are saying this is ok?

Really?

Have you all forgotten the sexual assault and rape that happened down there on one these 'free for all' after prom shore weekends ?

OMG

GreyHawk GreyHawk
February 9th

My son graduated Htown high 4 years ago and this is how it went... very little of the senior class went to the prom... they go down while the juniors are promming it up here. The ones who are 18 rent the room and get the 21 yr old friends to get them the alcohol. The juniors who are friends with the seniors party with them. It’s not the whole class and it’s a select few juniors. The year my son was a senior was the year of the big cocaine bust with some of the kids. Boy, was I ever glad my kid decided to nerd out that year and not go!

H-town Mama H-town Mama
February 9th

Both my daughters went to Seaside. No issues whatsoever. I realized I had to cut the umbilical cord at some point and trust them! For within a year or 2 years they would be going off to college and obviously I couldn't go to college with them to watch every move they make! A helicopter parent I never was.. I gave my daughters wings at an early age, but explained to them if they abused those wings I would clip them off. As much as we want to protect our kids there comes a point where we have to trust them, pray they will be ok and give them their own wings to fly... Whether they are 5, 16, 25, 35, 50, etc we as parents will always worry about them. ❤

H-town Mom what big cocaine bust are you talking about? For I never heard a word about it? Both my daughter's graduated HHS somewhat in that time frame. Was it other kids not affiliated with HHS that got caught with cocaine? For if it was HHS I would have definitely heard about it...

Btw! HHS only has a junior prom! Seniors are welcome to join, but most say no.


GreyHawk, it’s really no different then sending your kid off to college. Think of everything that goes on at off campus parties.


Hey, H-town mama.

"Boy, was I ever glad my kid decided to nerd out that year and not go!"

Classy comment!!


Just let him go. He approached you about it and told you when he could’ve just lied about where he was going and went anyway. Have him check in periodically and get his friends’ phone numbers and tell them to do the same. It’s going to be the same-case scenario when he goes off to college in a year. I graduated from HHS and went on the trip my junior and senior year and then went on to college knowing my limits. When I went in 2012 and 2013, they had vigilant security guards who actually went into the rooms and periodically checked on everyone.

Stephanie123 Stephanie123
February 10th

Let your kid go if you truly trust your son. It's exactly what happens in college, and at least everything is in one place, so no driving is necessary except for getting to the shore and getting home from the shore. In college, we will walk twenty minutes off campus in negative degree weather to drink, so everything is going to be fine in the weather they will have. Most drink, but only a few will be continuously drinking, while many walk the boardwalk or actually enjoy the beach. I would say to let your son go. Junior year is a fun year and can be definite for juniors to go, as they do not have scholarships banquets to go to on the weekends in May. Also, many parents may year, drove their children to the shore, and picked them up on Sunday. Teenagers will look after one another and get the proper help if necessary to make sure their classmates are okay, because they know that if they don't help, then they will get in trouble. Let your son live a little, and test the trust and how much responsibility you give him. Just trust.

Tigers101 Tigers101
February 11th

I admit that I've never understood the logic of "in just two short years, it's what they'll be doing in college". That part is true, but I don't understand why that makes it okay to begin when they ARE two years away from going away to school.

By that logic, why not start letting them drive your car when they're 15, because "in two short years" they'll be old enough to get their license.

Why not let 7th graders play on a high school sports team, because "in two short years", they'll be in high school.

Why not let 3 year olds start kindergarten, because "in two short years", they'll be 5 and age ready for kindergarten.

Why not let 16 year olds enlist in the military, because "in two short years", they'll be 18 and can enlist anyway.


We did not permit our kids to go to an overnight post prom. It didn't seem appropriate. Of course, we trusted them. But there is a lot that can happen that's beyond their experience and/or control, and frankly, we didn't see a need for it.


They have since said that they appreciated us being the "bad guys" and taking the pressure off of them, because they weren't really comfortable going anyway.

summerrain1 summerrain1
February 11th

Well put Summer....Very well put. We allowed our daughter in her Senior year to go down to the Jersey Shore with a big group. She ended up taking care of other kids who went a little overboard...some a lot overboard...A couple shots of Tequila in a 17 year old who hasn't had much experience handling it is a real body and mind effector Not to mention other substances that are probably floating about as well.


@Summer and Hipster, the reason being that parents need to give kids a little freedom to experience certain things before they head off on their own to college. That way they can get acquainted with what they like and what they don’t like.

When I went off to college I remember seeing kids who clearly had no experience in that department, (or overly strict parents), drink their face off for the whole first semester and bomb out of school...all because they never had exposure to the social aspects such as this. I’m sure many on here can attest to this.

By giving your child a little bit of freedom it shows you trust their reasoning and decision making also. Not saying it’s right but just a way to put things into perspective.

BusinessGuy1984
February 11th

This would be a big nope from me. I’m pretty old fashioned though. I am not keen on underage drinking and I’m certainly not going to enable it. I have a daughter and I’d be none too pleased to send her overnight with boys either. In my experience, drunk kids having sex is basically asking for trouble. Too many sexual predators, traffickers, and people into opiates that I’d risk it. Also, social media. You think these kids make good decisions? No and it’d all be recorded or posted online because kids do stupid stuff like that. Are kids going to do stuff anyway? Probably. I’m sure as heck not giving my blessing though.


I didn't allow my kids to go (they are now in their mind and late 20's). They survived. I wasn't allowed to go when I was a kid either. And I survived. When I just started college and I had a friend still in high school she and her date passed away in a horrible car accident going to the shore after the prom. NEITHER had alcohol nor drugs in their system. They hit a barrier because her date fell asleep at the wheel. (They left directly after the prom). The car burst into flames. He died instantly. She died a couple days later. She couldn't get the seatbelt off and her dress caught fire. It was such an awful event. I know that anything can happen at any time. I still think of her 30+ years later.

Just Saying.... Just Saying....
February 11th

This thread makes me laugh...


Jacqui, different people have different parenting styles. And that what you did to raise responsible kids worked for you is great. Congratulations. And what we did to raise our kids to be responsible adults worked for us.

To say that the thread makes you laugh, presumably because people parented or are parenting differently from you, is a shame. Different families, different dynamics, but if the end goal is to help good kids become responsible adults, I'd say that although we took different paths, our end result was the same.

How about not laughing, but being happy that both of our end results were successful ones. And keeping age appropriate boundaries doesn't automatically mean that a parent is a helicopter parent.....

summerrain1 summerrain1
February 12th

When I read these threads, I hear parents subtext that they don't want to be "that" parent that didn't let their kid do the "fun" thing -well, that's your job. And, of course, your kids will whine and push to do the "fun" thing - that's their job. Those one or two years are important in terms of maturity, a lot of growth happens during those times - why in the world would you encourage (permit) your son or daughter to spend an unsupervised overnight in an freely-acknowledged drinking (likely drugging) party? You may "trust" your kid - but do you think that accidents, pressures, poor judgement, or exposure to other's who may not be so "trustworthy" when drunk will not happen? Do you really want your 16-year-old to have to stay overnight amidst a group of drunk/high kids with no supervision? Such a set up for disaster, regardless of how "trustworthy" your kid is. This kind of a party is not 'a little freedom so they know how to handle themselves" - this is a potential free-for-all where you are stuck there with no ride home.
The idea of gradual, earned freedom is good - but this has no place in that.


Not just a set-up for disaster but disaster has already struck on these trips, and more than once. There was a sexual assault rape that occured on one of these and there was a big drug bust on another one.

Some of these self-described 'good 'parents' who allow and encourage this behavior are anything but.


Shenanigans AND malarkey going on? Sign me up, lol.....


As someone in their mid-twenties who had the Seaside prom weekend experience - I think many people on this thread are over-reacting. Despite whether you try to control them or not - kids at this age are experimenting with everything - alcohol, sex, drugs, you name it. All of them - yes, even the "good" kids (former honor student, here.)

What do you think is going to happen when they're off to college very soon? I'll tell you this - the kids who were extremely sheltered and controlled in high school actually tend to be the ones who party hardest (and most irresponsibly) in college.

With proper (honest and open) parenting, and not the insane-helicopter-no tolerance parenting I'm seeing on this thread, most kids will have the sense and the knowledge to do these things safely.

What I'm trying to say is, it's inevitable and it's a normal part of the teen years. Tell them how to consume alcohol safely, make them feel like they can call you if something goes wrong, make sure they understand the importance and availability of condoms & other safe sex practices, and show them the reality of drugs (heroin kills, weed chills). These kids won't be sneaking around and putting themselves in danger if their parents show them that they don't need to sneak around and that they are a phone call away if danger arises.

My parents had put an immense amount of trust in me - I always had a good grades, came home on time. They didn't want to be hypocrites - they knew what I was up to on the weekends at times because they did it themselves! Instead of policing me, they were honest with me, open with me, educated me on REALITY... and I turned out just fine.

TieDyeMindsEye TieDyeMindsEye
February 13th

the world is a very different place than it was in the 80s and 90s - the risk of substantial permanent consequences of magnitude are much greater. 20-30 years ago what was deemed youthful exuberance can now land a student in serious trouble with the law.

you can be denied student loans and grants

https://www.bestvalueschools.com/faq/can-i-go-to-college-if-i-have-a-criminal-record/

you can lose your license and pay thousands in fines or even kill someone and / or yourself due to irresponsible alcohol and drug use if you get behind the wheel.

this unpacks much of it.

https://www.liveabout.com/the-problem-with-teen-parties-3570789

what ever adult books the room and gets the alcohol can also be charged. it's totally not worth it.


Glad you got through it unscathed TieDyeMindsEye, and very glad you were not sexually assaulted and a victim of rape which did occur on one of these trips.

Also I'm very glad you do not have a record for dealing//distributing/using cocaine which also happened on another one of these high-school shore excursions

To deny or ignore that these things happened to Hackettstown High-school students is delusional


Sexual assault is an entirely different issue. Do I recognize that can happen while these kids are down the shore? Sure, I recognize that it can happen any place, at any time, especially if there is alcohol involved. I would be just as concerned for my daughter down the shore on prom weekend as I would any another night that she is out with friends or at a party - but we cannot live in fear... we can only provide our daughters with the tools to defend themselves in these situations and teach our sons to respect women...

As for the cocaine record/bust... come on, man. How many of these kids do you think are dealing cocaine? lol. Besides... the ones who are SHOULD be arrested & prosecuted... I can't advocate for dangerous drugs. Any kids I knew who were dealing drugs of that nature at that age all turned out to be lowlifes anyway. I'm pretty sure the majority of high schoolers traveling down there will only want a beer, a shot, or a joint... (all harmless - if EDUCATED on how to use safely)

I think a lot of you have forgotten what it's like to be young, and let fear control you.

TieDyeMindsEye TieDyeMindsEye
February 13th

Not safe. No way.


Tie Dyeminds eye...
They weren’t dealing it, they were buying it, using it and yes a lot of the juniors& seniors who went to seaside that year after the prom got caught with it

One year after my son graduated...

https://www.njherald.com/article/20160203/ARTICLE/302039983

H-town Mama H-town Mama
February 14th

Just a classy mom posting again
The kids were buying and using cocaine at least that year after prom and some got caught with it at school

I’m not making this up
2 years after..

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/warren-county/index.ssf/2017/04/alleged_cocaine_dealer_arreste.html

H-town Mama H-town Mama
February 14th

Okay, so you posted links to a 22 year old and 24 year old man arrested for cocaine distribution........ not high school kids. Unrelated to the prom shore trip. You do realize that Hackettstown has plenty of drug dealers, right? Everything from weed to heroin.

Fear mongering at it's best.

TieDyeMindsEye TieDyeMindsEye
February 14th

Also, who cares?! When I was in high school, not all that long ago, plenty of kids got busted having coke on them, heroin in school, smoking weed at school, doing pills in school. It happens everywhere, all the time. Preventing them from going down the shore is not going to prevent kids access to drugs. If anything, you are going to make your kid want to rebel more!!

A lot of these parents on here saying, "No, not my kid. Never." are parents whose kids are going to end up rebelling hard their first year away from home because they have no experience in freedom or decision making, and no experience in the realities of life. I watched a lot of sheltered kids I went to school with fail out their first semester of college, get alcohol poisoning, try hard drugs. Meanwhile, kids in my friend group who had experimented safely and occasionally already knew the ropes and did just fine.

Y'all need to wake up and face what's in front of you. Hiding behind fear will not get you or your kid anywhere!

TieDyeMindsEye TieDyeMindsEye
February 14th

TieDyeMindsEye, my kid is a good kid. If he is not home 3 minutes after the alotted time he punishes himself. I can only see him out the door, but I have hirered assist walkers to make sure he gets to his location. He once told me he saw chalk residue, I punched him in his nose to show him how cocaine works.

Seriously try to teach your kids some responsibility instead of being it. A few small talks and a trust between you can go a long way. Why is it such taboo to teach a young girl that a drunk 16 yo boy will do everything to get in her pants. It's on you to show them what is right and how to handle situations.

Parents need to get out of their blinders and realize the world is bigger than your last kids A on his science quiz.


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