RSVP please
Every year I go through this with both kids. I send out invitations for either the whole class or all of the girls. The day of the party I end up with one or two people RSVP ing. They are usually the moms that I know well. It is so frustrating. This year I wanted to pick and chose who we invited but I felt bad not inviting all of the girls. I sent out 12 invites for the girls in the class and then planned on only a few of the girls coming. I invited an extra six girls that I know the moms and knew that they would most likely come. Out of the 12 invites from the class, I received 2 RSVP's. Now I don't know if I am under or way over. For me I get really upset because there were other kids I wanted to invite but I didn't want the girls in my daughter's class to feel left out.
jc The short answer here is that people are inconsiderate. This type of behavior annoys me to no end and it's one of the reasons I rarely have parties or BBQs anymore. Whether it's lack of response, the "I'll try" responses, or the ones who say they are coming and never show....all inconsiderate. It's as if people don't want to commit in case something "better" comes up. I've had parties in the past that 30 people said they were coming to and only 12 showed up. Talk about wasted food and money. Very frustrating.
Calico696 Here's one for you. Several years ago I hired a limo for my sons senior prom. Unknown to me, he invited a few of his friends and their dates to go with him. The day of the prom the kids show up with their parents to take photos. Not one of the parents offered to help offset the cost of the Limo. They took their photos and left, not even thanking me. I understand my son should have checked with me before inviting friends, but the parents had to realize this was not cheap and should have at least offered something.
boobalaa We learned long ago with my 20+ cousins during get togethers you never know who shows or doesn't. Some come at the last minute, others said no but change their mind, or vice versa. Our rule is simple - pot luck so it doesn't matter if there's an RSVP or not. The host generally provides a main dish, but the rest you have to bring something if you're going to have enough to eat.
GC Calico said it perfectly.
We had my daughter's 2nd birthday party yesterday and we didn't have any no shows but we did have a couple last minute cancellations and many who didn't even respond at all. Extremely rude. It was a Facebook evite, so not too hard to respond.
Tracy (mobile) i agree, and like calico, rarely host anything that involves more than a few people. It is so frustrating when you spend the money and time preparing food that just goes to waste. I once invited a bunch of people for a birthday party and said I would be ordering dinner from Pietros. The food was already there when they arrived. They then say " oh we're not hungry, we ate already" What?!?!? Uh, if I invite you for dinner then maybe you shouldnt eat before you come....
As far as the parents not responding That is just ridiculous, but unfortunately it will always happen. Maybe in the future you will have to just reach out to them a few days before. Just tell them the truth, that you want to make sure you have the appropriate amount of food, drinks, favors, or whatever. Maybe this will give them the hint that they should have responded as was requested. It is unfortunate that people don't have even have common courtesy anymore.
JRT Just invite a few close friends....problem solved! Don't hand out the invites at school, mail or hand deliver. This always worked for me.
outsider I thought the lack of an rsvp was a Jersey thing, but my NY family has the same problem. It's sad. One should always feel honored to be invited, and respond accordingly.
jc, perhaps have your,daughter ask the ones who didn't respond. She's old enough. I wouldn't suggest that for younger kids though.
maja Yes, outsider, school invitation delivery is chancy, some may not be getting the invitation.
One year we found the school pictures order form at the bottom of my child's backpack a month later, missed the photos entirely that year. She just never took it out.
hktownie Tracy- I actually have Facebook Invites turned off- I hate them.
I get too many invites to attend events for bands I've never heard of, Candle parties, nail wrap parties.
Also, when I did have them turned out I would never get the notification on my phone. So if someone never signs on the computer they may not see them.
Also, for me I hate having to RSVP months in advance- so don't send out the invite too early besides wedding invites of course. I don't want to RSVP to a birthday party 3 months in advance.
Nosila Nosila, that wasn't the issue. You can now see who viewed the invitation, and only one of the no responses was from actually not seeing it. I would have mailed invites, but I just mailed birth announcements and the party was kind of a last minute decision with only a little over a month's notice.
same thing happened to the families of kids I taught - prek and k.................lots of disappointment............I'm thinking a phone call might help a lot
5catmom I'd like to hear from the non-responders as to their reason for not responding in a timely manner.
Missrx "I'd like to hear from the non-responders as to their reason for not responding in a timely manner."
I don't normally respond to Facebook invites- I dont know why I just don't see them as "real"
Come on people. The ones who respond only 1 or 2 days ahead of time want to see who's going before they commit
CraftBeerBob Nosila - I am talking about invites in general, not just on FB. I've been married twice and both times I had to track people down last minute because they didn't even have the decency to respond to a wedding invitation. I mean, really? You just check the box yes or no and put it in the pre-posted envelope. LOL
Personally, I think it's rude to invite half the class (or whatever amount of the class) and the entire class. Rule # 1 should be all or nothing.
How would your child like to hear about a classmate having a party and know others are going except him/her because they were not invited??? Sad
GUNSnROSESWedding invitations go out way too early. When you get them, you have no idea if you are really going to be available to go, so it goes on the refrigerator and they tend to get forgotten about. Obviously, this is for "borderline" relationships... cousins you aren't overly close to, friends of friends, etc.
ianimal This is funny. I never had this problem. I guess it was different times. People were not as busy as they are today I guess.
Old Gent Agreed with not doing the classmate parties. Just send a bunch of high-gluten cupcakes with peanut butter frosting in to school with your kid. If any of his classmates survive, take them out to Chuck e. Cheese after the funerals...
I have found that calling people after the RSVP date, especially for a formal party or event, seems to embarrass people enough that they don't "forget" to RSVP the next time. It's also a little personally gratifying to hear them stammer on the phone when I say "Hi! I'm just checking with those I haven't heard from to see if they are able to join us before I confirm my catering order".... I always get the "ugh ugh I'm so sorry, ugh, I thought I responded".... Haha, so gratifying to call them out on it!
DoxieMommy I have had the same problem with my children's parties. I now have my kids call their friends and ask if they are coming a few days after the RSVP date. They learn phone manners and I then know who is coming. Unfortunately I have had them do this the past few years. If only a few RSVP, I don't worry about it, but my experience has been like the OP's with less then half rsvping on time.
bac "How would your child like to hear about a classmate having a party and know others are going except him/her because they were not invited??? Sad"
Are you serious? Life is full of disappointment, it's best to learn how to deal with it when you are young.
My parents never had much money when I was a kid. We couldn't afford to invite more than 5 or 6 kids to birthday parties. Therefore, we had to invite only the closest friends. It was the same for most birthday parties back in the 70s. Just because kids are all in the same class together it doesn't necessarily mean that they all like each other. Why should you have to have classmates at your party that you don't care for?
jc and gc, one thing is if the party is at your house but what if it is a a paid establishment or if you are catering in? bottom line is that these folks are low class. when people invite you to something big like a wedding how could you not or worse accept and then not show? that limo story is classic, maybe they think you have more money than they do -- oldest excuse in the world...
iJay same ridiculous logic of "everyone should get a trophy for participating " .....such a different environment children are being brought up in...
Steven "worse accept and then not show"
That absolutely the worst. I had three no-shows at my first wedding and one at my second. None of them even had a decent excuse. I would have to be seriously ill or have a catastrophic event occur to miss a wedding that I had responded yes to.
I don't know why other parents do this - the same will happen to them for their parties
skippy I don't understand the opinion that invitations go out too early. You are basically saying that the host is not important enough to commit to attending their function without seeing what might come up instead. It seems rude to me. I guess I'm not that popular because I don't often have tons of events popping up on the same date that there is often a conflict, even if I commit several weeks out.
I have ranted about this several times on the Life... I just count those individuals as a "no"
I'm currently in the midst of waiting for some rsvp's to contact me about my daughters upcoming party.. I think I'm going to do the phone call thing& get some satisfaction from hearing the stammering excuses...
My oldest daughter has been one of those that hasn't been invited to parties and has to hear about it at school. Apparently one year she was the only girl from the class not invited to a party. I find that if you as a parent are not all friendly and gossipy with the other parents than you have pretty much sealed the fate of your children never being invited to anything.
One year my son invited the whole class to his party at chuck e cheese & not one kid showed up!
I thought about forgoing the whole bday party thing but that's all they talk about when they know their bday is coming up
H-town Mama Getting an invitation to a 7 year olds birthday 6 weeks in advance with an RSVP date a month before the party is to early. It happens to us a lot. I may want to go to the party but it is just to early to tell. I have 3 kids and a husband who has an unpredictable schedule and is often away. It has nothing to do with waiting to see if something better comes along. I did not need my final head count for my wedding until the week of. Something tells me that most children's venues do not need a months prep time for a party. Getting an invitation to a kids party 2 to 3 weeks in advance with an RSVP within the week of the party is more appropriate, people are less likely to forget and they have an idea of what their schedule looks like. I will RSVP to a party but if the RSVP date is ridiculously early than the response will be no.
Jane123 I so completely disagree with the notion that you must invite ALL kids in the class to a party. Children know who they play with, whose company they enjoy, and who they want to invite. Let them invite their friends. And if your child isn't invited (and yes, it happened to our kids on occasion), that's what we like to call a "teachable moment". Explain that they won't always be invited, and that's okay, and help them brainstorm something else to do that day.
The only time I'd disagree is if invitations go out to EVERYONE in the class except for one child. Then it's just mean spirited, IMO. But otherwise-sometimes you don't get included in something. It's a great opportunity for you to help your children deal with disappointment.
summerrain1 My oldest daughter has been one of those that hasn't been invited to parties and has to hear about it at school. Apparently one year she was the only girl from the class not invited to a party. I find that if you as a parent are not all friendly and gossipy with the other parents than you have pretty much sealed the fate of your children never being invited to anything.
One year my son invited the whole class to his party at chuck e cheese & not one kid showed up!
H-town MamaH-town Mama
Is there a reason you are not friendly with other parents? It would bother me a lot if my children were being excluded this way. I am not a gossip but I do what I can to help my children fit in and have friends...
Send invites, wait 4 to 5 days, then call the parents..............assuming all invites are local then it should take only a few days to get them. This will allow you to shorten the time from invite to party. I would think 10 to 15 days ahead of party day max. Only invite those kids your child wants and not the entire class........I cringe at the thought. you cant leave this to chance, especially if your doing a party at Chuck-E or some other venue that you have to BOOK and may have minimums for attendance....
We have found even when you get a commitment from a parent they can still be a no-show.........
waterslideguy http://www.parents.com/fun/birthdays/invitations/how-to-make-them-rsvp/
this is why I advocate for parental email distros - you should be able to send one email and reach your child's entire class parental units.
The problem is these venues who think they are the penultimate party place and their expectation is you pay for a minimum of 10 - if you invite 30 you're lucky to get that and as the Person writing the check you're angry over no shows - been there done that
HHS75
I am friendly as i strike up convos with other parents at back to school nite etc..i am just not gossipy friendly. Due to my work schedule it is hard for me to have kids over to play. Also my line of work tends to keep parents away once they find out what I do. Its not like I advertise it and I often tell my kids not to mention who I work for if asked. Just say Mommy is a social worker.
I dont know how they do it but i find alot of parents are stay at home moms or work only part time so they are available and are friends with one another
trust me it does bother me to no end
when my kid invites your kid to their party i kind of expect it to be reciprocated when your child has their birthday and the invites are going out.
I went through it the first few years that I lived here. One mother started telling all kinds of ridiculous lies about me and people actually believed them. It was a hellish few years for me. But over time things did get better. That same woman is still starting trouble for other people in the district and it has been 10 years, I honestly cannot believe that people still fall for her BS. I can only hope that what comes around eventually goes around. I found that group of mothers was more difficult, with my younger children it has been so much easier. I also found joining activities outside of my town helped. Best of luck H-town mamma, I have been there.
kevmo Commenting is no longer available.