Online Dating

I trust the opinions of many people on HL. Has anyone been successful with online dating?

I met a man on Match who lives in Ct. We have chatted for 2 weeks.He has invited me to his home for dinner next week. I suggested he meet me here in town or half way before I go there. When I shared with him I have a son who lives with me he again said come to his place.

What do you guys think? Please, dont judge me, just asking for honest opinions.
Thank you!

rose eskow rose eskow
July 2nd

I wouldn't go. This person is basically a stranger. You should meet somewhere neutral until you find out what type of person he really is. Good luck to you.

Calico696 Calico696
July 2nd

Don't go. He's still a stranger and that is a red flag that he won't meet and wants you to come to 'his place' and during a pandemic.

DogDayAfternoon
July 2nd

Meet halfway in a neutral setting. Lots of Luck. I know plenty of couples who have met online and are so happy!

JrzyGirl88 JrzyGirl88
July 2nd

Absolutely agree with the other posters. He may be harmless but for a first meeting you should be somewhere in public. Meet somewhere halfway and dine outdoors for both of your safety.


I haven't done any online dating myself, but know friends who have and the best suggestion is to meet for coffee at a cafe or restaurant of some kind. That way, if it's a short date to get a feel for the other person, if you pick a time that isn't too busy you could linger or cut it short depending on how it's going. The other reason is no one is spending a lot of cash on a first time meeting, so there's no feeling of "obligation" to go back to his place or pick up the tab next time if you're not feeling it.

One of my friends went to the home of an online date, they had communicated online and by text for quite a while, but never talked on the phone. He was a retired police officer and had photos online showing he was quite fit. Well, when she met him, he wasn't quite what she expected. He was a retired police officer and he worked in the ground zero area after 9/11, which left him with serious health problems. He was in a wheelchair and when he spoke his voice was weak and gravelly, my friend could barely understand him. To make a long story short, it was a very strange "date". he said he needed to use the restroom and my friend is like, ok, then realized he was waiting for her to turn her back so he could use a portable urinal. His ex-wife dropped by to check her out and make sure she was good enough for him. He also started yelling at her saying things like she thought she was better than him because he was disabled. They did not hit it off, but my friend did stay friends with him for a few years until he got married.

So good luck and be careful out there.

Lynnada Lynnada
July 2nd

Do not go to a stranger's house. Please.

Lonesome Dove Lonesome Dove
July 2nd

Never go to his place or where he is in a familiar setting and where you are not. If you want to meet him, please as others said, outdoors where you are comfortable and he is unfamiliar, like your town. Also, with this virus so prevalent, I wouldn’t be comfortable with any physical interaction, and I don’t only mean the “deed.” Sorry to be a downer but you don’t know if he is infected or whatever, so I would be very cautious. Be safe!

justwondering justwondering
July 2nd

Aside from the fact that he is GU (geographically undesirable) he is no gentleman if this is how he wants to proceed with a first meet.

I met my husband 5 years ago on Match. We spent a great deal of time talking - and then working out meeting at a restaurant equally convenient for both of us...............

Caution until you are certain you can move forward.

4catmom 4catmom
July 2nd

Thank you all!

rose eskow rose eskow
July 2nd

Make him drive more than 50%. You’re worth it :-)

Pick a place you know, home turf comfort, crowded, crowded/valet parking. Short date, no dinner. Have a friend call part way in. Having fun, don’t pick up. Gotta escape, pick up emergency call and bolt!

Good advice here. Congrats 4cat!

Strangerdanger Strangerdanger
July 2nd

Good luck to you, Rose. Just please - go by your gut. If you're asking others, then there must be a reason. First off, right now they said video date online because of the virus. You have no idea of his situation. Also, a man that wants a woman to drive a few hours to CT - nope. Never. Ever. Please read online dating forums and such to help you in safety measures. Never meet at a man's place, let alone out of state. Always let people know where you're going, with whom, telephone numbers, and such.

Best of luck on the singles scene, though. Online dating is great, IF you are smart and use it properly. Make sure you have his real name, look him, up, and video date for now. Happy dating!

DogDayAfternoon
July 2nd

Meet at a midpoint location- you pick.
Tell someone where you’re going .
Ct not that far-maybe 2.5-3 hr drive.
Be careful.
Enjoy.
Good luck!

Stymie Stymie
July 2nd

Ever since I read your post, I've been mulling it over. My thought was that no considerate, decent guy would expect you to come to his house, & would not insist on it if you are uncomfortable with it. He should understand the reasons you would have for being hesitant & be agreeable to meeting in a public, busy place. I'm glad to see so many others have the same thoughts. As someone else said above, your gut is telling you something. Trust your instincts.

Lonesome Dove Lonesome Dove
July 2nd

I just read your post again. I missed this the first time I read it.

"When I shared with him I have a son who lives with me he again said come to his place."

That's a red flag IMO. Seems his full intention is to get you totally alone. You have no idea for what purpose. If he doesn't agree to a public meeting end contact with him.

Calico696 Calico696
July 2nd

no way to go to his house! if he wants you to drive up there, he will expect you to drive each time he sees you!!

meet him halfway, nothing more than.

I can write a book on weird people that I've met on the net. very few I dated, and I met a ton.

Hackresident Hackresident
July 2nd

Thank you all so much for caring. It means a lot.

rose eskow rose eskow
July 2nd

I won't weigh in on whether this is a good or bad man to meet, but I can offer a few tricks to prevent the worse case scenarios.

Palisades mall is probably about mid-way. Very crowded normally, some decent sit down options on the top floor (No idea what that's like these days) - and dessert and some potentially fun ideas like whatever that go-cart place is there.

Beyond telling someone where you're going, both android and iphones offer a way to share your location with a trusted friend for a limited period of time - say 24 hours.

https://www.cnet.com/how-to/share-your-location-on-iphone-or-android-its-smart-not-creepy/

Keep your phone charged - bring a battery pack if you need to.

Another idea: tell a friend or two to text you at certain times, an hour or so apart. Tell them if you don't respond within 15-20 minutes to call repeatedly etc, or call mall security or the police, if you're really worried. Give your friends plenty of info beforehand - photos, name, city, profile URL etc

Send a picture of yourself to your friends before you go out, god forbid something happens they have what you were last wearing.

If you're really concerned but still want to go, tell your friend that if they have to call cause you didn't respond, have a made up emergency - like your cat got hit by a car, or a family medical emergency - so you have a nice excuse to leave in a hurry.

You could also give them a codeword. If they text and you say say he's "charming", then they can call and fake an emergency etc.

alpha1beta alpha1beta
July 2nd

Maybe I am old fashioned. No decent man should ask any lady to drive in a car alone 2+ hours anywhere. Red Flag for lazy amongst other things.

PS. Great place to meet people. Be safe though!!

CraftBeerBob CraftBeerBob
July 3rd

Rose

While I've never tried Match before, I know that other dating sites do have a list of safety protocols that they normally recommend people follow, especially when meeting for the first time. I agree with the other posters about never going to a person's town, especially if it's nowhere near your own area. I can see a guy not wanting to meet your son at the outset, but that's no excuse for not meeting you at a place neutral to you both, whether in your town or half way.

Reasons for that are multifold. It shows that you're not acting out of desperation, that you demand as much from him as he is demanding from you. It also shows that you are as much of a prize as he may seem to think he is. Why is he asking you to do all the "work", even if he promises that "next time" he'll meet you here. While I definitely agree that both males and females need to keep their safety in mind, it seems to be all "him" at this point. You really need to ask yourself, if it's going to be all "him", all the time AND are you willing to accept the possibility of a relationship weighted that way.

Two weeks, or even two months isn't always enough to gauge a person's motives and/or personality, etc. Some people are masters at deception and/or scamming. Have you checked out this guy through google and other means yet or if not completely computer savvy, asked your son to do it for you? I don't mean to be a downer and there are many great people that are just looking for the right person to spend the rest of their days with, but personal and family safety has to come first! Even if you do meet him half way, I would recommend that you bring a friend along for the drive and that they be nearby the place you meet for your "date".

An extra set of eyes is always valuable, as is an extra phone. Call me overly cautious, but anyone remember the guy about 2 years ago that was lured by a woman on the internet who set him up for her friends to mug? Stuff happens, and you just want to make sure it doesn't happen to you! There are apps that allow one button communication with a number of friends with a 911 type emergency communication to let them know if you're in trouble. You can also request that he send a picture of his license and car registration which you can share with your son and/or a trusted friend. Sure, he may think that's too much and it may push him away, but I personally would have no problem sharing that with someone I may be thinking of meeting to make sure they know I'm on the up and up. Best of luck, and I hope everything turns out well for you!

Phil D. Phil D.
July 3rd

Here is my two cents...………..Why can't you just "be honest" and tell him you don't feel comfortable at this point in time with the virus in an upswing, you need to look out for yourself and your child at this time....I believe for any relationship to be of any value or chance of lasting, both parties need to be up front & truthful from the beginning ...after all...this is the foundation period of any relationship .

Good Luck & Stay Safe !

steven steven
July 3rd

Steven - When did she say anything about the virus?

Calico696 Calico696
July 3rd

She did not say anything about the virus...………...I was suggesting that would be a valid concern to delay meeting .

In case you are not aware, there is a huge upswing recently reported .

steven steven
July 3rd

I met my wife online. She basically moved in on the second date. We haven’t spent a day apart since. 6 years n 2 kids later I think we are doing ok!! Sometimes u just know!!!


I met my wonderful partner, on Match, over twenty years ago. Yes, it took about ten years, to meet “the right person “, but worth the patience and due diligence. Funny...at the time, the Town Crier, in Hackettstown was open. I always met my dates there, for a drink. It was about three times per week with a different person. God only knows what the staff in the place thought about me...LOL! The posters, here, gave excellent advice. Some ideas I wouldn’t have thought of. Please re-read all of them, again, before going on your date. Please, let us know how you made out. Never mind. Just let us know how the date went! :-) Good luck!

Guilty-Remnant Guilty-Remnant
July 4th

There is a show on ID Discovery that deals with stories about on-line dating. It's called "Web of Lies".

Woke 2020
July 4th

Definitely meet somewhere in public, atleast halfway.

melissa123 melissa123
July 6th

seriously find someone local .Don't go there and stop talking to him now

tangerine tangerine
July 7th

I met my husband via online dating. Some general tips—-

1. First meeting should be at a coffee shop so you can leave quickly if you need to. Not a movie or dinner and defiant not at their house!!!

2. Resist the urge to have long personal conversations until after you have met. It clouds the judgement and you have no idea the person is being honest about the basics.

3. You can’t fall in love until you meet. You need to meet to feel the chemistry and to see up close and personal who the person is. Too often people waste time and feelings on someone before meeting and fool themselves into thinking “this is love”.

Personally I wouldn’t drive to CT. to meet someone and the fact that they aren’t meeting you halfway says a lot.

Good luck!

Friendly Mcface Friendly Mcface
July 8th

If you have to ask for advice than you already know the answer. You know it’s wrong. Why would anyone search for a companion that lives in Ct in the first place. What if you meet half way and he doesn’t show up. He probably lives in another country and your being scammed. Stay with people from your area. Don’t put yourself in harms way. Be smart and stay safe.

Maryjo Maryjo
July 8th

Many thanks to all the people who took the time to reply to my post
I decided to cut the tie with this man in CT, in my best interests.
However , I have not given up on love., some people never experience the joy
of elusive love.. I found it once.. so I wont just settle

rose eskow rose eskow
July 14th

Awww. Good luck to you, Rose. Love is always out there - and I do hope you're lucky enough to find it again. Be cautious, research someone, and always put yourself ahead of a stranger. I hope we hear a happy ending one day from you.

DogDayAfternoon
July 14th

Good for you. Never give up. I can come to you when you least expect it.

missmarymac missmarymac
July 14th

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