Thoughts On End Of Life Arrangements

As the saying goes "No one gets out of here alive".

I was curious as to what folks thought about their final appearance. I know there are all sorts of different ways a funeral is handled all over the world and in different cultures. I'm wondering what folks plan in our part of the world. I gather many final plans are driven by religion, tradition, preference, as well as financial means.There are also official ceremonies for dignitaries and of course our military men and women.

There is cremation, with or without interment. A "traditional" preparation with a viewing, religious service, burial etc .Some folks celebrate a life with just a memorial service either near the time of departure or at a later date. Of course the circumstance may be much different if planning and discussion was in place prior or the moment was thrust upon us.

It seems to me that the traditional viewing is not as prevalent as it once was. Personally, I always found it odd. A visitation in a funeral home with or without the casket seems a bit more common place. As far as a burial in a marked plot- I don't know how I feel about that. I visit family often. I guess it gives some sort of tangible connection with them I suppose. With that said having a loved one cremated and not interred or scattered somewhere can seem comforting as well. Naturally it's what we hold in our hearts is what is important.

I recall speaking to my father when I was taking him through all of his cancer treatments. He could not care less! In fact he joked and said cremate me and scatter him out of the car window on the way home! His position was he wouldn't be around. As an Atheist he was not too caught up in the details. LOL On the contrary when I wanted to discuss plans with my mother for her as she was getting older she had very definite plans in mind. A more traditional funeral, service and burial. It was very important for her to be next to her twin brother who passed when they were 9. And she is.

Clearly most of the plans are for the benefit of the ones we leave behind. I guess some people want to plan their own details while some prefer to leave it up to others.

Just curious what others think. I know it's not the most uplifting subject but one we will all take part in.

By the way as I wrote this I kept hearing in my head Steve Martin singing:

"Now, when I die
Now don't think I'm a nut,
Don't want no fancy funeral
Just one like ol' King Tut"

I am with your dad - scatter me near sub shack though

Depending on your beliefs or lack of beliefs. Family or friends or lack of them probably would factor in. I myself have said kegs of beer and statements of grievances . That's what I personally would want...people drinking on my dead dime and vocalizing their complaints about me. I also want to be cremated. Ashes dumped somewhere....maybe even put into a sex toy so I can screw them after I'm gone(more of a metaphoric statement then a sexual one) but this is just me. Hell Hunter S Thompson ashes were shot out of a whatever works

Anonymousman Anonymousman
1 week ago

Planning in advance can take some of the pressure away from surviving family and prevent mis-undertsanding. The decisions are made, plan is in place and hopefully funded.

Right away when someone passes his/her body need to go somewhere. While surviving family is still in shock that this thing happened today they are being asked these kinds of questions. So much easier to have it in writing and ready to go.

And family disagreements can happen to if things are left open ended. I liked the look of white marble of Vermont granite stone for a family member. Others wanted some exotic stone that had to be imported. I was seen as the one who wanted a less expensive option to leave more funds in the remaining estate.

I don't particularly want to be embalmed and put all of those chemicals into the soil. I don't want my family to have to spend a huge amount of money either. I keep telling my husband either cremate me or make me a plywood box. We've written some notes about this and stuck them in the envelope with our wills.

Another thought we have is to put our ashes together once we're both gone and then put them in a plot somewhere. Along with the dog too, of course.

hktownie hktownie
1 week ago

Have a will for sure - saves so much grief

Speaking of planning ahead, if you plan on getting your headstone through Flanders Valley Monument... order it when you turn 40. Hopefully, it's finally ready by the time you eventually pass...

ianimal ianimal
1 week ago

There is always the mushroom suit like Luke Perry was buried in...

JrzyGirl88 JrzyGirl88
1 week ago

Perhaps you might try a Tibetan Sky burial.It is an ancient tradition there.Here is a link.

I made arrangements to donate my body to a medical school.....

littlelu littlelu
1 week ago

Interesting will they 100% pick it up and take it or is it only if your organs are viable?

Also made arrangements with UMDNJ to donate to science. They pick up the body, No funeral expenses, no stress of family needing to go through arrangements, or watching loved one put in the ground. UGG! Family can go on with any kind of memorial service they want. The service is for them not me. See you all on the other side.

just coach just coach
1 week ago

If you know what you would like put it in writing. It will save the family from the stress and help avoid disagreements.

I wish my mom had it in writing. Unfortunately, she only told me what she wanted and when she passed unexpectedly it didn’t go the way she wanted. It still bothers me that i couldn’t follow through on what she wanted bc I had to make compromises.

Screw Flanders Valley Monument. The owners are scum and take advantage of people during the hardest times in people’s lives and that is as low as you can go.

We buried in a pine box. By the time we got done with the cemetery fees, state regs, etc, a cheap burial was 12,000. No clergy or limos. 15 minute ceremony. In Jersey, you pay!

I want an 80s glam rock themed funeral! Do it at a park, bring in a cover band, serve beer and burgers and everyone can talk about all the crazy shit I did in my life!

Jesse132 Jesse132
1 week ago

Acl76.....$12,000.00 was that n this area ? Higher than any I have heard of locally. I agree with Jesse132. Keg of beer, Burgers, bring a ciovered dish...great music and just laughs and good memories. Simple cremation, plenty of pictures and just a memorial service along with the picnic.

Smile every day Smile every day
1 week ago

Skippy...........they did have some if I burned to death they wouldnt take me.........they have to be able to use the body...there were others but I don't remember now without looking.

They pick me up, do what they need to then they will give me back to family at my families expense (if my family wanted to bury me or cremate me and put me on the mantle) or the school will dispose of the body themselves for free. lol

littlelu littlelu
1 week ago

Im so glad this came up.; I went to the web site and things have change since I signed up.....going to have to make a phone call and see what all the new rules are.

littlelu littlelu
1 week ago

Thank you for the info

I would think even if a person was burned to death it could be useful from a forensic science perspective...even if they can't use it as a cadaver you can study how a body is affected by the burns, etc.

honestyseasy honestyseasy
1 week ago

ashes to ashes - dust to dust - cremation for me and ashes could be scattered in a flower bed or woods - and NO funeral -- party on me if they like - but I really hate funerals - I cry at them even if I don't know the person - so none for me...........yes thought out a long time ago Some years ago I went with my mom to the cemetery to make sure the family graves were getting perpetual care - and I asked her what she wanted - we had never talked about it before....I am so glad we did .................

4catmom 4catmom
1 week ago

My parents have told me to do whatever is cheapest. LOL

Smilingbecs Smilingbecs
1 week ago

I spent years designing an urn. Something I thought my kids and/or partner would want. Come to find NO one wants any ashes. I said “great...dump them along the Musky.” I look at the body as just a shell, carrying your soul...or God particle, or whatever makes you...YOU.
Think my advanced directive will be honored, in this day and age? I had it made about 15 years ago. Lots of drugs. NO SUFFERING! Ha... Can’t have a person die an addict, now, can we?
Religion says we have to suffer. I’ve paid my dues, hopefully enough to balance the ledger. When I’m greeted by that big, huge, guy...with the long white beard, He’ll decide. Women are not allowed, to make such important decisions, like life after death.
Cheapest way out, for me. Party at the Tri County firehouse, with music. That’s what I would like for a FUNeral. You’re all invited! Now, back to writing my obituary.....

Guilty-Remnant Guilty-Remnant
1 week ago

All of the funerals I’ve attended were the most pretentious sickening events in my life. So many people; relatives and friends, whom had nothing to do with the deceased when they were alive..they couldn’t care less.

I don’t believe in funerals for this very reason.

It’s what you do and the time you spend with that person when they are alive. That is what truly matters. It’s too late when they are gone. No amount of flowers, fancy caskets and tombstones are going to make up for the time not spent when they were here.

I told my husband, “just put me in a hefty bag and throw me in the dumpster..don’t waste your money.” Lol

Positive Positive
1 week ago

Smile --- burial was in Edison, NJ.

positive --

I have had the opposite experience of what you described.
I guess it depends on the family, and all the people in one's life ... ..colleagues, students, friends, present and former neighbors, relatives, etc.

As far as relatives, if you haven't seen or spoken to someone for a while because of various circumstances, it does not mean they don't care or have feelings about their family.

It's sad that you think those that made the effort to come to a funeral don't have feelings for their loss.

Do not judge people.
If you claim to know what is in people's hearts, you are the biggest fool.

happiest girl
1 week ago

who is judging, happiest girl? maybe reread your post to positive

4catmom 4catmom
1 week ago

I have a plot in Philadelphia that I can’t even give to the church. Just plunked my Uncle there; such a cute little hole for his urn. There were four plots; Granny and Pop Pop are there too. Turns out my Uncle, for some strange reason put them in slot 1and 3. So where to put Unk? 2 or 4? 2 was just weird and 4 meant Granny would be alone. Turns out you can “stack” so we put him with his Mom. Such a nice funeral, me, my cousin, and the undertaker. A little carpet, a couple chairs, a warm sun on a winters day. And just a couple thousand given we had the plot. Had to wait months to update the stone, bad weather back-up and that cost a bit but less than a new marker and where to put it anyways.

Mom and Dad are in their garden overlooking their beloved lake. Dad “lived” at the funeral home for over a decade but it was OK because Dr. Bob, his neighbor, was on the shelf next to him. They were early risers and used to check each other’s lights each morning to know all was well. As in life... Makes us laugh every time we dig in our garden. Wife’s parents are on our mantle and we will figure that out soon. Have a spare garden?

Serious side: when you die, especially if kids not local, safety deposit boxes, bank accounts, everything gets locked down during probate. Good to be sure a little caretaker ready cash is there. Mom left a wad and it did make our time there easier no to mention being able to thank her at each evening meal. Don’t let it be a surprise secret though or folks might tear the place apart looking for more.

On that note does anyone know how fast heirs can get to POD accounts in their name? That may be a r way to cover the caretaker cash.

StrangerDanger StrangerDanger
1 week ago

Good points positive, but more importantly end of life discussions are needed in this country.

“Do not judge people.”
“If you claim what is in people’s hearts, you are the biggest fool.” Happiest girl

Were you at the same funerals? Do you know the same people that I do?

I wrote about my experiences not yours.

I know, you just can’t help yourself, you’re not the happiest girl unless you push someone’s buttons.

Who’s next on your agenda, Calico, Skippy, MarkMC, Darrin?

Greg, out of respect, I will not continue to argue with HG. This is a thoughtful serious thread and I will treat it as such.

Back to the topic. I would like to be cremated and have my ashes scattered under a certain pine tree, which has special meaning to me.

Positive Positive
1 week ago

Who has an agenda positive ..... maybe you? Or the 4cat who always jumps on me in your defense?
You couldn't even get my quote correct!

Do you know in fact if I was at the funeral or not?
If you feel my saying "do not judge people" is "pushing your buttons" --- to use your words ---- maybe you should see a doctor.

happiest girl
1 week ago

I find this very interesting, but very sad. I watched a documentary about a tribe that sends their elders out to sea on a little makeshift wooden raft to die.

For the life of me I can’t remember the name of the tribe or the country where this takes place.

When I have time, I will look it up and hopefully find something.

Positive Positive
1 week ago

This is not the tribe I was referring to, however interesting nonetheless..

Positive Positive
1 week ago

If you have one sibling and there are no directions; how do you decide the household goods split?

StrangerDanger StrangerDanger
1 week ago

Positive - Ignore the troll, I do. :-)

Calico696 Calico696
1 week ago

A Mushroom Suit for me
No embalming
No casket
Just let me be part of feeding the earth

H-town Mama H-town Mama
1 week ago

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