Teens and socialization

I have a 15 year old son. Hes smart and a good kid. While I know he could be getting a part time job.....the kid needs friends. The kids around here that he talks to aren't nice. But I feel like if I interfere its like momming him for things he should be doing on his own.

Suggestions?

Icicle Icicle
Feb '19

He will find his way...my opinion is leave it alone.

CraftBeerBob CraftBeerBob
Feb '19

A job is a good place to make friends and most people who have jobs as teenagers are good people .
Being a summer camp counselor is a great way to make friends.( Camp Bernie and Camp merry heart are close by.)
Even working at ShopRite or McDonald's is a great way to make new friends.
The Methodist Church also has a teenage youth group.
Is he lonely, or does he just like his own company?
Everyone is different .
Some people are naturally introverted.


jobs can build confidence, introduce new skills, create a resume, develop mentoring relationships and references, team building , learn how to manage money and taxes. Possible discussing the benefits will help you guide him . I would not worry about momming him as mothering is a most important job.

just coach just coach
Feb '19

I would recommend joining any sport team he might be so inclined to play or the game of Golf.

hammer hammer
Feb '19

Does he show interest in any musical instruments? If yes, JUMP on that! Chicks dig guys in bands, big time. When that happens, everyone will want to be his friend. There’s still teen bands around, believe it or not. If no, the above posts are all great starters. After school clubs? Chess club? Careful with his video game/ social media time. Combined with lack of friends is a recipe for disaster. Good luck. I’m sure he’ll do just fine.

Guilty-Remnant Guilty-Remnant
Feb '19

Icicle, you just described my son (same age too!). I few years ago we moved. This meant starting at in a new school district while entering his freshman year of high school. Since he was a little kid, we tried every sport, but he never took to any of them. Because of this, we knew that him joining a HS sport this late in the game would be difficult. I contacted the Cross Country coach of his soon to be new school and asked if they would take a "never-ran-a-mile-in-his-life" kid. This was hands down the best thing that we ever "forced" him to do. He started practicing with his new team a few weeks before his new school started. On his first day of school, his team made sure that he had someone to sit with at lunch and introduced him to everyone. This was the easiest transition ever. Now he is in his second year of his new school. I try to just hang back and let things progress naturally with him making friends. But I do prompt him to reach out to people to make connections. If I didn't, he wouldn't do it. I encouraged him to invite his team over to our house for a party (over Christmas break). He and his teammates had the best time ever by both the boys and girls. It wasn't anything fancy....just the typical snacks, pizza, music, video games and nerf battles. He has done this for two years now. I tried to explain that he can do this more often, but he is really content...which is not a bad thing! Feel free to message me if you would like.

JennyBean JennyBean
Feb '19

Let him make friends but keep an eye on him of course. If you really feel the kids are all bad, I doubt they are all bad as there must be some good ones too.

Get him into sports or activities other than Xbox. Friends will come if one becomes social, he must get out of the house...


Thank you everyone. He definately needs to get out of the house. And I tell him to start up conversations with new people at school but he doesn't. He isnt into sports. I just hate to see him home everyday.

Icicle Icicle
Feb '19

Do YOU have friends? Do they have kids? Organize adults and kids outings. Enroll him in classes outside of his school (art, technology), there are non-credit classes and programs offered by community and state colleges and vocational schools. CCM for example offers Challenger Program. There are clubs at school, he should get enrolled in one or two (it's good on college application also). Even local libraries have teen programs and meetings.


If he plays video games online I guarantee you he has “ friends” but these types of friends only interact with one another online and not in a positive way. I also found that kids have friends when their moms have friends. If you are not the sociable type of mom or your friends have kids considerably younger than your own children, your kids don’t get invited to as many parties or play dates as the other kids do. Kids and parents for that matter don’t do or encourage the random knock on the neighbors door down the street where little Susie lives and see if they want to play. No random play, no spontaneous play. It’s all controlled play dates with helicopter parents deciding who they will encourage their little Johnny and little Susie to play with based on the relationship they have with their parents and who they are Facebook friends with.
Since my kids were affected by the fact that I wasn’t one of those “ clique moms” I had to force them to do this on their own and continue to have to do this with my youngest child. Instead of being in the house all day
I shut everything down (internet, computer, cell phones video games etc) and for one hour they have to ride their bikes or walk around the neighborhood and make themselves known to anyone they might recognize who is outside that they could be friends with. They also have to pick an extracurricular activity they think they might like and try it out. I have travelled a lot to support my daughters love of field hockey that helped her with her self esteem and confidence. That was one of those random things I insisted on her trying since she expressed a minute amount of interest all those years ago.
Icicle- you will have to be tough on him and make him find something of interest to get him to have friends. It will be become more and more difficult for him to do it on his own as he gets older
Good luck!

H-town Mama H-town Mama
Feb '19

We have a nice youth group, with good kids. We volunteer our time to help people in and out of the church, and we go on fun outings; like Six Flags and rafting on the Delaware Water Gap. It takes place every other Sunday eve. I would love to give you more info, if you are interested. Most of the youth are from HHS.

Naomi Naomi
Feb '19

Scouting offers all kinds of opportunities for socialization. When I was a kid my parents started me in Cub Scouts in VA and it helped me make new friends in the next 3 states we moved to!

Phil D. Phil D.
Feb '19

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