Middle school lunch squads

Do any parents have concerns about the defined lunch groups at the middle school? My daughter has been in Middle School for several years now and the way the kids talk it's as if you are a prisoner to a lunch squad that you sit with. If you don't sit with your group you become an outcast? I would really love for my child to be friends with lots of different kids and I discourage the behavior but it sounds so engrained in the school culture.

middleschoolmom middleschoolmom
Oct '18

Not sure what the reasoning is, but my guess would be safety reasons. So the school would know where each child is located in case of an emergency? Also, maybe it is a help/encouragement method for kids that do not have friends to eat with?

Just reread, is this the school's policy or are the kids forming the squads?

positive positive
Oct '18

That's what I was wondering as well. Is it a school policy? If not well that's just life in the school cafeteria- we have all lived though it!


Are you taking about HMS? My daughter is in middle school and changes tables regularly. She has her own friend lunch rotation set up to see her different friends. Not everyone can sit at one table. It's cute actually how she does it. Personally I'd tell my daughter to drop her friend group if they would make her an outcast for that.
Btw, what did the school say when you called?

Seenit
Oct '18

There is no assigned “lunch squads” at the Middle school. Kids are free to sit where and with whomever they wish. I think she is referring more to clicks kids form at this age. But there is no policy from the school on where kids have to sit

Jim L Jim L
Oct '18

Definitely not a school policy. Both of my kids said they are free to sit with anyone in their grade level. They frequently bounce between lunch tables.


I blame Taylor Swift for this

scottso scottso
Oct '18

How many years is middle school these days? "My daughter has been in Middle School for several years now"- maybe she just can't relate to kids anymore! ;)

The Rhyme Animal The Rhyme Animal
Oct '18

So, translating the original post to basic non-pc english, why are 12 and 13 year olds cliquey? I would never had guessed that!

A viewpoint from Parents magazine:
https://www.parents.com/kids/development/friends/all-about-cliques/

maja2 maja2
Oct '18

Fortunately it sounds like she'll be out of Middle School soon and wade into the murky waters of HS, where staying with the exact same group of friends is very difficult since they will likely not have the same classes or lunch schedule.

Sadly, cliques do form and there rarely is a happy ending - there will inevitably be some drama or power play - your child needs to see if the benefit of the clique / feeling part of that particular group outweighs the drama. My guess is the leader of this little group will pull rank and make your daughter an outcast anyway, it'll just be a matter of time. If your daughter goes to sit with someone else that she likes, and she loses these 'friends' than she can count her lucky stars that she's out of that little cult.

Maja - great article thanks for sharing it. Totally agree with it - especially the making friends outside of the group that has genuinely shared interests.

trekster3~ trekster3~
Oct '18

What in the actual world ?!!!


My goodness! That's life. There are cliques all throughout it. SMH

Calico696 Calico696
Oct '18

I’m assuming kids aren’t allowed to have cellphones in school, otherwise they would have no idea who is sitting next to them, much less talking to them, nor would they care.

Guilty-Remnant Guilty-Remnant
Oct '18

It’s not a school policy, I think it’s the way the lunch tables are set up. There is no “spoken rule”. I’ve heard it from several kids over the years. It’s great that there are kids that bounce between groups but I gather from talking with other moms that’s not the norm. My daughter said that kids are free to hang out with who they want but at lunch kids are dedicated to their “group”.

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

Also, my daughter explained the rank of classes set up last year that I was not aware of in which they actually named the achievement of each class of learners. Was anyone else aware that they did that? Pencils, stars clovers etc. the really smart kids were in all of the same classes and called x, the middle achievers were called y, the kids that have difficulties were in classes called z etc. she said she thinks there were about 5 total and it was very obvious if you had a learning disability. She also said they are not doing that in 7th grade and hopefully that is no longer the case for any of the grades.

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

When my daughter was in the middle grades (at that time it was K-8), she was very shy and ended up sitting with the troubled kids for lunch. One child whose mother I casually knew learned this and told her daughter to invite my daughter to sit at her table, which she did. I will be forever grateful to that mother and her daughter. My daughter got over her shyness and made great friends. And the girl who did the inviting and my daughter are best friends to this day more than 25 years later.

Parental Unit Parental Unit
Oct '18

I just asked my 8th grader daughter at HMS what this was& she’s never heard of it... her 7th grade friend confirmed... nothing they know about

H-town Mama H-town Mama
Oct '18

Kids eat with their friends. Make friends outside of school and it will carry inside.

maja2 maja2
Oct '18

As for rank of classes -- I don't know if they do that now or not, but when I was in junior high school they did. I was in the "SP" class ..... and the other classes were numbered according to the ability of the class.
7SP1 -- the highest achievers
7-B2, 7-B3 (something like that) went progressively down in ability.

happiest girl
Oct '18

Rank classes?

- Gifted
- Normal
- Carpeted (special ed)

No rainbows, butterflies and unicorn rank names

Nosila Nosila
Oct '18

There are no squads.

CraftBeerBob CraftBeerBob
Oct '18

This thread is becoming ridiculous. No one should be ranked or labeled. Yes, some kids do better in academics than others, but it has nothing to do with their intelligence.

As far as cliques go..well this will continue from childhood throughout adulthood. Your child needs to learn how to deal with it now.

positive positive
Oct '18

I think Middleschoolmom is enjoying the responses :-)

justintime justintime
Oct '18

Black Mirror Nosedive episode season 3

Hit girl Hit girl
Oct '18

+1 pos

Had the same effect in joining huge corp. Lucky my bunkmate was new too. We both traveled to the huge cafeteria and consciously sat with different cliques each day. Took about 3 months to “blend” in and find our respective “niches.”

10 years later, I was the clique :-). Human nature.

Strangerdanger Strangerdanger
Oct '18

Middleschoolmom-not sure what ranking you are talking about, I highly doubt there's names for each rank, or classifications. Of course the honors kids will be in separate classes from non-honors, and special ed requires special certification teacher so they will be in different classrooms. This is just common sense for the education classes, and electives (such as art, gym, etc.) they have combined classes. Email the principal for specific details, she is very responsive to questions/concerns.

tripsy tripsy
Oct '18

Helicopter parent no doubt. I think cliques go back to the beginning of time and I'm sure existed when you were in middle/high school. Did you not cope?


I read it to mean that rank was referring to social status within the group.

3wbdwnj 3wbdwnj
Oct '18

Jo do you have kids at the middle school? Do you have nothing better to do than try to put people down or do you have something insightful to offer?

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

Thanks htown mama and parental unit. Just wanted to see if it was something that other parents were experiencing.

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

Wow, when I read through these kinds of threads, I begin to understand why some kids have more trouble than others fitting in - Yes, lunch is a social challenge for some kids, and you can be proactive and try to find a parent/child who will help your daughter fit in - but really, middle school is where kids figure out how to navigate social situations and if yours needs help, then speak with someone at the school. It is a natural developmental phase of life. As to ability levels for instruction, what would you have the educational system do? Some kids can handle and benefit from advanced instruction and "it has nothing to do with their intelligence" says positive - though I would certainly debate that. Some kids march along just as expected and learn at the pace that is expected and some kids need extra help and may never reach their peers' development - that is what is true and is what the school system has to accommodate. So yes, they have to divide the kids and it doesn't matter what you call them, all of the classmates know who is who - whatever labels you assign. For the most part, these classmates have been with each other off-and-on over years and THEY know the kids that are performing best in whatever area and not performing well academically or otherwise. More importantly is that the kids are taught to respect, value and treat each other well regardless of what class assignment they have - and that is taught by the school and parents. There are kids that excel in sports/music/art/academics, and the kids know who is who - that's life and will be the case in school and beyond. Teach your kid to value themselves and others and this middle school phase can be a productive learning time.

pmnsk pmnsk
Oct '18

Wow, angry huh

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

"Wow, angry huh"

Sounds more like common sense advice than anger to me.

Calico696 Calico696
Oct '18

I simply wanted to find out info about what is going on at the middle school. Thanks to the moms with kids that were able to answer my questions. I don’t your lectures.

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

. I don’t your lectures either
whatever that means


hmm... anger is revealed in the tone YOU take as you read the thread to yourself... best of luck.

pmnsk pmnsk
Oct '18

I remember the 8th grade very well, it was the worst 3 years of my life.

Kids become aware and the separate themselves into small social groups. It's a part of life, and yeah a lot of times it's hurtful, but that's a life lesson as well.

Even with the push in some districts to go to uniforms to try and even things out there are cliques, social stratification and peer pressure. Those who can afford brand new uniforms and have a couple spare new ones to rotate are more likely to group together and look down on and castigate a bit of scorn on those who only own one thread bare uniform that they are required to wear everyday. Also in the uniformed schools those who can afford to accessorize with nicer jewelry and haircuts etc. will tend to lord it over those who are more plain looking. It happens in every social environment on the planet, it is a part of being human and all of us need to deal with this in our own ways. It's a part of life and everyone needs to learn about it.

This lunch room kerfuffle is a lot of 'who shot john' about a very real, regular and expected part of growing up human. Teach your kids well, give them your value set, and they will adapt to the best of their ability.

GreyHawk GreyHawk
Oct '18

give them your value set

aha, could be the reason we have this thread


Yep my daughter said there are different groups of kids who sit together and when someone that is not in their group sit ,they ask to them to leave. Sometimes they walk up to kids and say I was sitting there first forcing them to get up and move.

Well nothing has changed since i was in middle school. I have been on both sides of that. It's apart of growing up.


I was wondering if anyone knows about the HMS policy that has all of the children receiving lunch detention sit at a table in the middle of the cafeteria

Bellen Bellen
Oct '18

Bellen-I believe they sit there because there's no where else for them to go. But I'm sure the principal or vice principal could give you the specifics the best.

tripsy tripsy
Oct '18

It's just like prison... without the shivs.

ianimal ianimal
Oct '18

I have 3 kids in the middle school in all different grades and they had no clue what this was. They sit with their friends. No groups Seems far fetched

lorilie775 lorilie775
Oct '18

C.J., thank you for sharing, I’ve been hearing it since before my daughter went to middle school. It sounds like most people feel this is ok and just part of growing up. Would you all be ok if you knew your child was the one telling a kid to leave a table? Would you still say, that’s part of growing up? I think most people assume it isn’t their child. But then whose children do you think they are?

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

My point for the post wasn’t to blame or point fingers but to raise awareness and help make change for the better. If we all sit back and say this is the way life is then we will never see changes in our school and our town.

Middleschoolmom Middleschoolmom
Oct '18

I don't think that people are saying "this is ok," or that the struggle isn't real, but acknowledging that it IS a part of the developmental process, everywhere - which is why most people recall the situation in their own middle school experiences. The schools are definitely aware of this developmental phase - the teachers and administration deal with it daily and over years - perhaps you could look into programs that encourage social development in young teens and suggest these to the administration/school board. Alternatively, if your child is struggling with the social stress, speak to the school counselor for possible intervention or tips for helping his/her social development. If you think that specific things that are inappropriate or harmful are happening, then, too, speak to the counselor or other school personnel.

pmnsk pmnsk
Oct '18

Nice post pmnsk.

justintime justintime
Oct '18

Very well said pmnsk!


Spot on pmnsk!

Calico696 Calico696
Oct '18

"My point for the post wasn’t to blame or point fingers but to raise awareness and help make change for the better. If we all sit back and say this is the way life is then we will never see changes in our school and our town."

I applaud your efforts. I sincerely hope you are successful. Those kids are like a spacecraft heading into the asteroid belt, but compared to even 30 years ago there are 100x more asteroids to be potentially hit with. It's not like it was back then, much more amplified/connected now through instant electronic communication.

Have somebody get you a copy of the movie "Sticks and Stones." Video done right here in the good old State of NJ. Not for the faint of heart if you have school age children..

Dodgebaal Dodgebaal
Oct '18

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