How LGBT friendly is this town?

I'm a transgender woman that just moved to hackettstown, and I was wondering how accepting people around here tend to be.

HeresVivi HeresVivi
May '17

Me, personally?
I don't care what someone does in their home. As long as it's legal and safe, go for it.
However, this is a very conservative town in a very conservative area of the state. You don't have to hide who you are but I wouldn't go around flaunting it. I'd probably also avoid bars late at night if I were you.
Stay safe & welcome to Hackettstown

1988LJ 1988LJ
May '17

Vivi,

Live your life. There are a ton of gay and lesbian people in this town and surrounding area.

Best wishes and welcome to the area.

Hot under the collar
May '17

You may get some nasty replies on this thread. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Be brave.

HappyTeacher HappyTeacher
May '17

Nah - it's a progressive college town. I think it's very accepting of everyone. I don't think you'll have any issues - just be you. Try sub shack if you like sandwiches (get the macaroni salad)

skippy skippy
May '17

Welcome and I hope you are very happy here. I think you will find MOST people are accepting. It's a great place to live!!

Parental Unit Parental Unit
May '17

I agree with Parental Unit.

Just try to keep in mind there are more positive accepting people here opposed to the negative people., which you'd probably get anywhere. Focus on the positive and try to ignore the negative. Easier said than done, I know..but try to keep that in mind.

I hope it works out for you.

positive positive
May '17

Welcome to the area. I don't foresee you having any problems. If you like beer, please try the two exceptional breweries in town.

Calico696 Calico696
May '17

HappyTeacher that is the most gloriously ironic thing I've read in a long time.


Well I guess you'll let us know how LGBT friendly it is. Good luck. I'm not sure anyone can answer your question honestly as frequent interaction with the transgender community just doesn't happen for most folks.

Scottso Scottso
May '17

Welcome to H-Town!!! I think you'll be fine. It's very conservative out here so I don't talk politics or anything with anyone cause we definitely don't agree lol but I can't imagine anyone being mean. Most people are respectful. Love your life. Live it to the fullest and only let the positive people effect you. Negativity and hate is weakness and not a reflection on you but on themselves. Enjoy the scenery and all the beauty out here.

LeLeH8 LeLeH8
May '17

I think most folks are polite and have no interest in making anyone feel uncomfortable and would never intentionally hurt someone's feelings in a public setting - I sincerely hope you like it here.

skippy skippy
May '17

The area is highly republican, so take that at what you will.

alpha1beta alpha1beta
May '17

I'm actually moving here soon with the same questions, and am really hoping it's going to be open and accepting. If you need a buddy to go through it together, I'd love to hang out!

Here&Queer Here&Queer
May '17

NOT WELCOMING. Shhhhhh..
You are in a "don't ask, don't tell" town....


We don't want Anybody's sex in our face.
Even heterosexuals,
NO public displays of affection.
Hands off.
Try setting a good example.
Don't french kiss in front of the kids!!!!!
Keep it in your bedroom. Behind closed doors..


Lili, I really hope you didn't private message the OP the way you did me. You have a lot of hate in your heart.

HappyTeacher HappyTeacher
May '17

I don't know if this is a valid observation but I have been living in Hackettstown since 2003. I have never noticed anything approaching sexual bias around any of the establishments I patronize. I don't know if I can tell anyone's sexual orientation on sight but I have seen effeminate men or masculine looking women around town. When in line in front or in back of me I have never noticed a cashier, server, or counter person treat anyone differently regardless of what they perceive the sexual orientation to be. I have seen some racial bias and economic bias but never noticed any sexual bias. I for one would welcome you as a neighbor or a friend if you lived near me.


I haven't even commented because it's a non-issue for me, as it should be for everyone. Live and let live.

It's a nice area, lots of great restaurants.

JeffersonRepub JeffersonRepub
May '17

Ignore Lili. Although we do tend to live in a conservative area it is not a hateful town, at least as far as I can tell. Welcome!

Jesse134 Jesse134
May '17

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......................depends on who you ask!


This is a conservative area. I can't honestly say how you'll be treated by others because it's not my experience.

I do have a question which I am not asking to be nasty, I just am curious. What is a transgender woman? Does this mean you are biologically a man with all your parts intact but dress as a woman and are attracted to men, or are you biologically a woman with all parts intact but dress as a man and attracted to women? Or are you transitioning?

I don't understand the transgender situation. My opinion is these are confused people who need psychological help more than anything. I am not opposed to homosexuality but this seems like a disorder. Not hating - just giving my thoughts.


This person did not come to this thread to be judged or questioned why she is who she is.... nor does she deserve to have someone say she has a disorder..

Vivi, there are many people in this town who are accepting, while there are many who are not. Don't be afraid to hide who you are!

Smh..
May '17

Don't be afraid to show who you are *** (it's still early LOL)

Smh..
May '17

Vivi,

I for one welcome you to the community. I hope that the few negative responses you have received don't alter your opinion of the rest of us. There are those who will be nice to your face and then talk about you behind your back. Don't let people bring you down. Keep being who you are with no regrets.

Take Lili for example, who wants you to "keep it behind closed doors" how do you keep a transgender person behind closed doors? in the same statement also says, "set a good example". I'm sure this post and the fact that she PM'd Happy Teacher with negative comments is what is meant by Setting a good example.

Then there's AMD who says they are not being nasty, just curious and goes on to ask such ridiculous questions about Trans people and then makes a statement at the end that says they aren't hating, just giving their thoughts....REALLY??? if you want to know what a transgender woman is, why don't you open up google and type in the words transgender woman....its amazing how you can actually get the answers you are seeking without offending the OP.

Kudos to you Smh .... I agree with you 100%. again, I welcome you Vivi, feel free to pm me anytime. I hope Hackettstown and the surrounding communities give you the support and warm welcome that you deserve. It really is a great place to live.

bgood105 bgood105
May '17

People talk a lot of trash anonymously behind a keyboard- I sincerely hope you don't take this as a representation of the community- it is a great place to live and I think you'll be very happy

skippy skippy
May '17

Thank you all (or atleast most of you!) for the warm welcome. :) So far I'm loving this town, alot more than anywhere else I've lived.

HeresVivi HeresVivi
May '17

Most people here are very friendly. I, personally, would go with don't ask, don't tell though until you get the lay of the land --- at least that's what I do with thoughts and things that might be a little uncomfortable for the indigenous species.

Or mark us on our own words: http://www.hackettstownlife.com/forum/745556 There's a little "chat" on our transgender virtual feelings perhaps without the kumbaya varnish.

strangerdanger strangerdanger
May '17

Really? So I'm wrong to ask what his/ her lifestyle is. Maybe if he/ she explained it would help others to accept and understand. But, no...I should "Google " it. LMAO at the stupidity.


"My opinion is these are confused people who need psychological help more than anything. I am not opposed to homosexuality but this seems like a disorder. Not hating - just giving my thoughts."

AMD, after that statement it's definitely clear that you're not approaching this with an open mind. If I were the OP, I would definitely not take the conversation any further since it's clear you already have an inherent bias.


OMG another gem of a thread...

Metsman Metsman
May '17

Oh come on Metso ---- that's just too funny. Just replace "homosexuality" (who says that anymore?) with "people like AMD" and you will better see the humor.

That's a good one AMD, keep the humor rolling.

strangerdanger strangerdanger
May '17

MB- key word "seems". I asked a question to learn. Maybe for others to learn too. Sometimes that creates understanding and clarity. If the PC snowflakes and crybabies can't deal with that, it's their loss, not mine. I am willing to make an effort.

But, if the OP or someone who can explain doesn't want to, then okay- I'm done here.


*a transgender woman was born a man, but identifies as a woman
*can either have all the man parts intact or be post-operation to remove them
*can be sexually attracted to either or both sexes
*gender identification is different then sexual preference

Scottso Scottso
May '17

Speaking as part of the LGBT world, my husband and I used to live in the historic district part of town. When we lived there, our relationship was not even an issue. Keeping the lawn/yard clean and the house painted... well that's another story. Kidding...

While we living in town, I think there were about 5-6 other same sex couples in the downtown area. Like any other town, there will always be those who have different opinions and have the need to tell you their opinions very loudly. I can say for the 7+ years we lived in town, we never had an issue nor felt like we were not welcome.

Good luck to you!

halloweenguy halloweenguy
May '17

Thank you, Scottso.


Well it "seems" to me that someone who can't do a simple internet search on his own is stupid.


And it is obvious to me that MB is a wonderful person. But then again, not everything you read on the internet is true and factual!


Welcome to town, Vivi! My wife and I moved in about a year and a half ago and love it. The food and small shops on Main Street are our favorite things. Also the sense of community at all the town events. Some nights when the weather is nice we just walk down to Main and enjoy the small-town feel. We live very close to downtown so we love the "walkability." I hope you feel just as welcome as we do. Hope to see you around!

Dancicus Fighticus Dancicus Fighticus
May '17

There are other transgenders in the area as well..you will be fine, and welcome.. we are all equal and have the right to live our lives as long as we are kind to one another.


Welcome to the town. I'm not sure if you will have any issues but I hope you won't. It's a great town, hope you enjoy it!

Sunshine Sunshine
May '17

Welcome! I hope you love our little town and if you have children, I know the student body to be very open and accepting.

ParentofLBGTQ
May '17

AMD: I don't think there really is a -lifestyle-, I certainly know some people do make the label who they are, but my -lifestyle- is going about my business, shopping for groceries and watching tv when I'm home. I wouldn't think that's abnormal. The reason I opened this thread is I know some towns can be fairly... violent about the issue, as I've unfortunately learned in the past. I do hope that made sense, and I apologise for the late reply!

HeresVivi HeresVivi
May '17

We had a thread on index crime a while ago and several of us looked it up - there is statistically insignificant amounts of hate crime. I don't think you would even have to worry about an unkind word. as someone who frequently open carries a gun and others will hopefully back be up on this - folks are completely oblivious to anything not on their phone or in their immediate space. I think you will enjoy a slice of country in northern New Jersey.

skippy skippy
May '17

Welcome to Hackettstown! I can't speak for the whole town, but my wife and I have numerous LGBTQ friends and hope you feel welcome as a new resident. If you like good Italian food, I recommend Mama's.

From what I've seen, most of the people here are "live and let live". The area tends to lean right politically, but I like to think it's a friendly small town. I'd be pretty angry if you were treated poorly moving here, and I'm sure many of my lovely neighbors would be as well.


Thank you, HeresViVi. I was genuinely trying to understand your perspective. Any idiot can go on Google for what may or may not be true but I wanted to see what you, personally, were about. I meant you no ill will.

I hope that you enjoy it here and I certainly hope no one reacts with violence. I don't think that would occur.

Good luck.


Welcome to the area. I truly hope that you do not encountered any issues with anyone in our community.

Mommyof3 Mommyof3
May '17

Welcome to Hackettstown! I have lived here for quite some time. I think the community is open minded and not violent. I hope you enjoy all the restaurants and fun places in and around our area.

Natari Natari
May '17

That is a good question welcome to the town. I have to say it is probably a little more open and friendly than it has been in the past.
I live in one of the many developments and most of the people are nice of course you have those few nasty heads. But pretty much you can spot the ones that will be aholes

gamergirl82
Jun '17

Our younger crowd is accepting and progressive. High and middle school students are great, growing up with diversity and tolerance. Some Reconciling Churches in area, such as Waterloo Church. Welcome!

Htownforlife@gmail.c Htownforlife@gmail.c
Jun '17

Hey, so long as you're a good person and take pride in your home and where you live and aren't doing anything illegal, your sexual preference is your business. I don't understand it, but no one should be judged on what they do in the bedroom.

Tigerfan Tigerfan
Jun '17

We've lived here for 8 years and I wouldn't say it is a really conservative area. I've never observed any sort of discrimination. I agree, it is a nice area with good restaurants and things to do.

Toodles Toodles
Jun '17

STOP!!! talking about it for gosh sakes if you want it to be normal

henry54321
Jun '17

25 years ago this place was redneck country, it was the South. A lot different now...


iJay you have a point. This area is still extremely republican but I think we're now more the suburban republicans than the rural ones!

1988LJ 1988LJ
Jun '17

I have been in Hackettstown since 1985. In my time here I have never experienced any problems. In a radius of less than a mile I know at least twelve other gay people that have no problems . I would have to say that Hackettstown is very accepting so live free!

Walker Walker
Jun '17

Welcome to the neighborhood and thank you for asking the question. Its a fair and reasonable one. Live your truth.

texaskeystone texaskeystone
Jun '17

Re: How LGBT friendly is this town?

Welcome HeresVivi,
I'm a lesbian been in area since 2006, in town since 2010. I'm very out and have never had a problem here. I love this town!

Veteran needing calm Veteran needing calm
Jun '17

Welcome to the area. I truly hope you have no negative experiences.
I have a relative, who remains "in the closet" and has had a sad lonely life.Many years ago even her mother would not accept her. I believe that her mother wasn't knowledgeable, and was religious, to a fault.
Welcome, I am so glad your here.

susan b susan b
Jun '17

That's heartwarming to hear so many nice stories.

From my own experience, I am impressed by the next generation's acceptance, or better yet, just not believing there's anything special to accept. It's notably different than my generation, many accepted but still told our little jokes. My kid's generation don't get the punchline; it's just does not exist. Its better and I am impressed that the children have become father to the man.

strangerdanger strangerdanger
Jun '17

I've lived here with my other have for 12yrs we've never had any problems just be you and welcome to Hackettstown

Debbie Debbie
Jun '17

Welcome to the area only thing I have to say is make sure you put the 25 cents in the parking meter and watch your self when crossing the rail road tracks some times the gates come down for no reason ,
Blessed be to you

Caged Animal Caged Animal
Jun '17

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