Should one be checking their Middle Schooler's text messages?

So the debate in our house is whether it is appropriate to periodically check our middle schooler's text messages and Instagram posts/chats. As parents I feel we need to make sure our child is using these avenues of communication correctly however our child feels like we are invading their privacy and "no one else's parents do this". Just wondering what others are doing. Any thoughts would be appreciated. And yes my child has a basic phone for safety reasons as they walk to and from school.

Workingmom
Nov '15

While I don't have any children, I've seen the results of friends and family who have and have not monitored their children's communications. If I had children, there would be no question about it. There would be monitoring! As their parent it is your duty to them to provide for their health and safety. They need to realize that and understand that they can trust you not to reveal their messages, etc. nor belittle them about things, but will let them know when either they or their friends have crossed boundaries of propriety.

It is too easy to be led by peer pressure and those "friends" whose parents do not care enough to monitor their communications into bullying behavior or sexting, etc. all of which can have LEGAL consequences or ruin their social or educational standing. Children have also attempted suicide as a result of what started out as "innocent fun" which later backfired on them, either legally or socially.

I realize that you'll get the traditional arguments back from them, such as the one you mentioned, but you also have to realize, as do they, that you are legally responsible for their actions as well until they reach the age of consent or majority and are then considered responsible for their own actions. Trust is one thing, but the realities are another! Best of luck!

Phil D. Phil D.
Nov '15

Yes × 10000!
Until they are 18, it's your JOB to know what they're doing.
They are gullible. ALWAYS look. (Telling them you looked -probably won't go over well.)

Funny lady Funny lady
Nov '15

One word. Yes. End of story.

CraftBeerBob CraftBeerBob
Nov '15

My father always advised " This is your home provided by your mother and I with the good lords blessing , you are and will always be welcome here , however there are rules to be followed "

Probably harsh to many in todays enviroment.

Steven Steven
Nov '15

YES, I check that and any of his computer use,. He's in the seventh grade and the only "privacy" i think he's entitled to is his "bathroom" time. lol

littlelu littlelu
Nov '15

Personally I think there's a balance. Part of having life relationships is developing trust, so that's the part I tend to stress. Break the trust, then by all means monitor everything. Build the trust then less monitoring. And always talk.

justintime justintime
Nov '15

In the words of the Ronald Reagan, "Trust, but verify".

FarmerJake FarmerJake
Nov '15

Most certainly check but does your child need to know your checking? If they know then they are going to delete what they don't want you to see snyway. You have to play undercover detective until their is something that you find that needs to be addressed(which hopefully never happens).

Abc123
Nov '15

The way I look at it is, if you are paying for the phone, you own the phone, so you have every right to look when you want! :)

DogLover DogLover
Nov '15

I think a better question is "Should a middle schooler have a smart phone & Instagram account"? I say no.

brown bear2 brown bear2
Nov '15

I would think that if a child is afraid of you looking at their account they have something to hide, possibly.

And as far as looking, it all depends if you want to see something you probably do not want to see LOL

If they refuse, take texting abilities as well as other accounts away, it is a agreement, not a negotiation.

Darrin Darrin
Nov '15

Sorry to say, but it's a parents job to be alert to as much as possible. It's good to build trust but they are kids, not adults, so trust me I am secretly listening. My kids could trust me that no harm would ever come from anything I discovered.

If kids know you are listening, they may hide. Probably best to only fess up when there's an emergency. Otherwise use other conversations to help guide and steer them in the right direction without divulging your nasty little spying habits. Guidance and education is what its all about anyway.

There's only a small window until they are beyond your reach, use it wisely.

If confronted just emulate Commissioner Reagan replacing commissioner with parent: "I'm a parent, I know everything" or "I'm a parent, it's my job."

strangerdanger strangerdanger
Nov '15

YES, def check in on what theyre doing

icicle icicle
Nov '15

As a middle school teacher, please do!! I cannot tell you how many times I have had students come to me about issues (ranging from pictures, innocent comments mistaken or misconstrued, to full blown bullying) with another student and a lot of it is thru text messaging, snapchat, instagram, etc.

sunshinenj sunshinenj
Nov '15

I echo the above MS teacher. I'm also a middle school teacher and see EVERY day all the "drama" that all this texting/snapchatting, etc. bring to students. It is a distraction to the school/learning environment and very difficult for school personnel to monitor, etc.

This is already a very difficult time for kids in the growth process (ages 10-14) and then to have all this back and forth added....I must ask WHY does a middle school student NEED to have smart phone, etc. A basic pre-paid phone is adequate for emergency or check-in phone calls. I have the gamut of students who don't have a phone to those who have phones that I wish I had or were able to afford. I realize that this is a peer group/peer pressure thing and also parents giving into their child's "gotta have/wanna have" wishes.

Back in the day we would have "rumors" about a particular student in school, that was started by ? and within a few days/week it would be gone. BUT now kids have this instant info pressure - within minutes the entire world knows the info or RUMOR and then it doesn't go away. I think that is tough. I tell my students - just be kids....you have plenty of time to be an adult. Some of the phone usage is a mimic of what their parents do - parents don't use it much or around their kids - kids don't feel like they have to use it, etc.

Parents get off YOUR phones and talk/listen to your kids - you will find out ALL you need to know about their lives/who they talk to/listen to, etc. They want your time and ears!

SS2cats SS2cats
Nov '15

Yes! My husband and I still check our 16 and 14 year old's messages and will continue to do so until they are 18.

jrsemom jrsemom
Nov '15

When our children were teens, we were out of town for a few days. Rigged the I.M.ing (as they called it last century), so we could read them when we returned. They were 17 and 15 at the time. We told them that the neighbors are watching over them, while we're away. Upon return, read things like "sh*t, my parents are going to be really pissed if they find out we spilled beer in my room ". Indicating that there was a small "party", we confronted them , with details of their little party and they were shocked that we knew so much. They didn't believe the "neighbor story " and still couldn't figure out how we knew so much, in detail. They have been grounded ever since (LOL). Luckily, they are now grown, educated, working hard. I definitely agree with the above posters about viewing their social media activity. It's not being nosey.... it's called due diligence parenting. By the way, if I had a nickel for every time my kids said "yeah ,but the other parents, do this or don't do that ", I'd be very wealthy today. They know how to manipulate the love we have for them and try to use the guilt card often.

sparksjbc1964 sparksjbc1964
Nov '15

I think a parent's two primary responsibilities are to protect their children and to prepare them for life on their own as adults. And the two responsibilities lie intertwined--you can't prepare them properly for adulthood by keeping them locked safely in a cage. Sometimes, you have to allow them to take some risks, so they can properly learn and grow. But you must also act to minimize those risks, and to help them to recognize and understand those risks.

The whole "invasion of privacy" question is an important one, not only for parents but for society as a whole. Nobody wants someone spying on them, even if it's "for their own good." But letting young children just do whatever they want is often a poor way to raise them.

I think that some "snooping" is sometimes necessary, particularly in the more socially and emotionally immature pre-teens. But ultimately, the best thing that parents can do is to strive to teach their children to be responsible on their own. Explain to children what a cell phone is and what social media is, how they work, what they do. Explain how others often have access to such things, how people can be hurt by using them improperly, how the laws affect such things. Sit down and discuss various recent news stories with them, about how other young people have gotten hurt or into trouble by misusing phones and social media. And, of course, make sure that they truly feel that they can trust you, and open up and talk to you, if they have questions or if problems arise. Teach them to be responsible, on their own, and hopefully, you won't have to snoop on them.

JerseyWolf JerseyWolf
Nov '15

I appreciate all the thoughts and am glad to hear so many others thinking similar. We try not to "spy" but rather do random checks that we tell our child about. And we also have had several conversations about what is appropriate and what is not. So far all has been good and just innocent talk. Having not grown up in the social media age it has made it harder to navigate how to stay ahead of our children and teach them how to use it appropriately.

Workingmom
Nov '15

One thing children should be made patently aware of is never to send inappropriate pictures to each other as minors- it can lead to possession and distribution of child pornography charges - not to mention all the embarrassment that goes with the pictures being out there. Kids also need to be made aware that once you put something in writing - it's forever and can be used against you.

skippy skippy
Nov '15

I would check social media, not texts. I haven't been a teen for a decade, and texting was very hard when I was in school and social media didn't exist. However, I would imagine that social media is usually where the worst stuff "goes down", since anyone can access anyone else's account. Texting, however, is one-on-one and only limited to friends and people your child knows. It wouldn't be wrong to check texts but you probably don't need to.

Also, being 28 myself and probably younger than many people on Htown Life, I feel a lot more sympathy for the kid. It makes my stomach turn that someone said your kid should have no privacy except when they use the restroom. You have to imagine how you would feel as your child. I never did wrong things on the web or over the phone, or at parties or anything like that because my parents raised me knowing those things were wrong. They could've checked, but they knew it wasn't necessary since they instilled morals in me. If you feel the need to be "big brother" to your kids, you may have raised them poorly.

1988LJ 1988LJ
Nov '15

Completely agree with 1988LJ and I am 30.

Firstworldproblems Firstworldproblems
Nov '15

There's a big problem with texting that I don't think the last two posters are thinking of. "Sexting" or even sending ANY picture that is either compromising of oneself or another person can and many times IS distributed in an exponential manner. One only has to look at the case of Izabel Laxamana to see what sometimes extreme consequences there may be, both from seemingly innocent pictures being sent to someone, as well as the consequences of heavy "guilting" by a parent!

That said, I also know of a case where a girl under 18 sent a picture of herself to her then boyfriend. After some "issues" in the relationship, the former boyfriend sent those pictures via text to people on his contact list. This was complained about and the girl herself was charged with distributing underage photos. There's no "taking back" things these days, and that's where it ALL becomes dangerous.

Phil D. Phil D.
Nov '15

Why do children "need" to have phones that text and allow access to social media?
Get a basic phone for emergency calls and stay focused on learning ( which is why they are supposed to be at school !!! )

Steven Steven
Nov '15

Steven, children don't "need" smartphones. They also don't "need" nice clothes. They could be forced to wear ripped up, patched, 40-year-old clothing, as long as it's clean and basically serviceable. But making your child a social outcast is generally not the best way to raise a child. Giving a younger child a smartphone is really not much different than giving a car to a teenager--it is not really "necessary," but it can significantly impact their lives.

And besides, giving your children responsibilities and allowing them to learn about the technologies they will use as adults is not necessarily a bad thing. But like so many other things about parenting, it has to be done responsibly, and when each individual child is sufficiently mature to take on such responsibilities.

JerseyWolf JerseyWolf
Nov '15

I think that JerseyWolf may have a point. To these kids, having a cool cell phone is as important to their "image" as it was for us to have cool clothes and (in high school) a cool car.
However, I think 8th grade is the right age to get a smartphone. That would be a good gift to reward graduating middle school. Before that, perhaps something in-between, like a blackberry? No social media, but plenty of games and other features.

1988LJ 1988LJ
Nov '15

JW,
School is for learning and honing those skills.
If children want to be communications experts, their parents should send them to a school that specifically teaches that.
We are far, far behind many countries in many educational areas.
The students of today are not students, they are peer pressured to "look smart"....how about if they focus on "getting smart" !?
Needing a smart phone does not accomplish this.
Peer pressure is a state of mind, parents should focus and hone their skills and convey this to their children, being trendy and looking like someone else will not make you smarter ...............Isn't it funny how years ago, if you drove a truck, you were considered a hillbilly , with your worn blue jeans and work boots.....look what everyone wears and drives now...all the kids ( and their mom's want Jeeps now ) ...all self absorbed and consumed to fit in.......car payments that are larger than my mortgage, living off of credit cards...........That's my opinion.

Steven Steven
Nov '15

Getting your kid a smart phone, facebook account, instagram account etc. and THEN worrying how to protect them is backwards thinking. Newsflash, if you do that then YOU have just put them at risk. How about no smart phone, social media account etc - we are talking about middle schoolers aren't we? And if you think your 11 year old 'needs' this stuff because everyone else has one - you are wrong. They don't.

brown bear2 brown bear2
Nov '15

My young middle schooler does not have a phone, but does have a tablet and an app through which she can text and call contacts. We have had several discussions as far as do's and don'ts, permanency of what you write/post, etc. she also knows that I reserve the right to check her texts at any time, although I have not yet. She also must get approval from me before adding contacts. Like many issues in parenting, it is a balance between keeping an eye on what they are doing and giving them the opportunity to make mistakes, develop independence and learning the consequences of their actions. Peronally, I think middle schoolers do need to be 'monitored' to some point so you can help them learn before things get out of control. How much monitoring? Who knows, it depends on the parent and the child. Every situation is different.
FYI- there are some nice apps form which you can monitor your child's texts from your own. This way you can be discreet and keep an eye on what is going on without taking your child's phone, if you prefer this.


Reading all this makes one sit back and think. Where would we be without that new fangled contraption a Smart Phone? Well the way I feel, yes they do have a place in Society, but later in our lives. Actually the more the phones get "Smarter" the dumber we all get. We are loosing the ability to communicate, in that the art of conversation is slowly going away. It's pretty sad when in an instant we can send, accidentally or otherwise questionable information on ourselves. In addition, it's getting easier and easier for others to access our personal information. Just the other day I saw a group of Children, around 10 - 12 years old, sitting on the curb in a parking lot, texting each other, the only things spoken were "did ja git that"? or laughing. The communication tools and spelling are sliding down hill fast. I'm not saying to do away with Smart Phones, rather be more responsible with them and don't start too early, learn to communicate first.
A basic phone for emergencies is a good starting place.

Mr 4paws

4paws 4paws
Nov '15

You may want to use this first if you're going to chastise people and imply that phones are making us dumber:

http://www.gingersoftware.com/grammarcheck

Regarding the original post - you have to teach your kids about making good decisions. Texts are no different than talking on the phone. If you wouldn't listen in on their phone calls, then I don't see why you would read their texts. If you don't trust them with the phone, then you're probably not ready to give them one.

Talk to your kids about the consequences of bad decisions and show them some trust.

emaxxman emaxxman
Nov '15

Checking txt messages is just the tip of the iceberg. Most teens/pre teens have accounts (Twitter, Instagram, snapchat, etc) with user ID's their parents know about and check. Then they also have duplicate accounts with other ID's that they actually use. Wake up parents!

Localfamily
Nov '15

Your children will forever make mistakes. Whether they are 2 or 22. That only way to help protect them is to teach them. If you leave your rules up for discussion then every rule will be questioned. Having a cell phone, computer, social life, etc... is a privilege. If your children want access to these things they need to earn them by respecting the rules you set in place. If this means that they are subject to random checkups on their accounts then you need to stand firm by your decision. If they feel you questioning your choice, again they will question. No one else can tell you how to parent your child and their is no manual that will tell you the perfect way, follow your instincts. If you feel some thing is off, it probably is. If you notice that all random checks are good maybe check less to show your child they are gaining your trust. Explain that trust is earned and if they break that trust it is not easily gained. I think too often parents get caught up in not wanting their children to be angry, or have their feelings hurt that we hesitate to be as stern as we probably should be for fear of pushing our kids away. I am in my mid twenties and can say that my parents did not force themselves on me, the gave me rules, gave me trust, and if I messed up their were consequences clearly stated and no discussion. I in turn respected them (nothing else would have been accepted) and still love to be around my parents. Again, the only thing you must provide your child is a roof over their head, food, clothimg, support and love, additional matirial items are EARNED. The minute those extras are expected and demanded is the moment you begin to lose control.

Eatpraylove
Nov '15

Man I do not regret NOT having children. So much less to worry about.

eperot eperot
Nov '15

Man I do not regret NOT having children. So much less to worry about.

eperot


If your Parents thought that way, you would be........................................................ lol

Clyde Potts Clyde Potts
Nov '15

But I wouldn't know it, because I wouldn't exist.

eperot eperot
Nov '15

Lol esperot:) I agree....and I can think of a few that probably SHOULD have thought the same.
I don't see any problem with parents checking up on their children. When I was a teen there were no cell phones, social media, etc... There were definitely rules to be followed and my mother would always check out my story. If I told her I was going somewhere or staying at a friends house, damn straight she checked to make sure I was. I learned early on if I didn't want to be grounded constantly, I'd better do the right thing and act the right way. It must have worked because I was never on drugs, had a teen pregnancy, or was in jail.


JRT

Same here. Back at that time, people called your parents to ask if you should be in certain places as well if you seemed as though you "shouldn't" be there. Won't go into it, but I was someplace I shouldn't have been and was "ratted" on. There was hell to pay afterwards.

Phil D. Phil D.
Nov '15

Yes, that's exactly right Phil. I did "try" to get away with things, but was always caught lol! One time I remember I was going to stay overnight at a friends house and my mom would always make me call when I got there. I thought I was so smart.... We decided to go downtown and hang out with the older kids that had no rules because of course that was cool :) I figured I would call mom from a pay phone tell her I was safe and sound at my friends house and be on my way to have fun... Nope! Mom must have had that mothers intuition because when I called she questioned my story (not believing it obviously) then tells me to give her the number and she was going to call right back to make sure I was where I said I was. BUSTED!! Lol after a few off those situations I realized I wasn't going to get away with much so it was pointless to keep trying:)


As the saying goes, "trust, but verify."

ken e
Nov '15

Same thing here JRT. Wasn't worth the effort. And that's what I did when my niece , who was living with us years ago and had a cell. She would say she was going to be at a friends. I'd ask for the house phone number and she'd say that the girl's mom goes to bed early and it probably wouldn't be a good idea to call. Yeah, right. Been there done that..and worse.

Blackcat Blackcat
Nov '15

Bumping this up.....anyone know of a way to track what your kids are doing on snapchat?

Concerned parent
Aug '17

Parents need to enforce and be reminded that they are still indeed the parent!! Allowing a middle school aged kid to put doubt in their mind as to if it's right to monitor their child's text messages just boggles my mind. Middle school aged kids have no privacy so don't allow them to manipulate with words your options as a parent. Cleary, if they had nothing to hide they would hand over the phone with no hesitation.

Htownparent Htownparent
Aug '17

"anyone know of a way to track what your kids are doing on snapchat"

Join snapchat yourself and add them as a friend ;-)

You would at least be able to see their story, but not private messages/pictures

Darrin Darrin
Aug '17

There are apps for that! :-) Here is one...
https://www.mymobilewatchdog.com/

If it was my child I would tell them about it so they are aware of it. Knowing you are watching shows them that you are honest and upfront and will hopefully prevent them from doing something stupid.

Jesse341 Jesse341
Aug '17

Yes. And yes. So many dangers. The internet has good things and can also be an open sewer that allows strangers access to your child. And cyber bullying is another issue.

My daughter at 13 found herself a supposed 19 year old boyfriend in the UK. At least that's what the photo appeared to be. I found out when the phone bill went over $5000. Luckily the phone company worked with me to reduce it and we blocked international calls. She really thought she was going to run away to be with him, I caught her trying to find her passport. We had a very hard time for a while.

You are the parent, you are the boss.

http://www.toptenreviews.com/software/privacy/best-cell-phone-parental-control-software/

hktownie hktownie
Aug '17

There are apps for that! :-) Here is one...
https://www.mymobilewatchdog.com/

Funny how everything that should be included with an operating system is not. Instead you should have to pony up 14.99 per month in order to monitor your device.

Each one of these stupid apps demands more and more permissions in order to operate, then sends you a 400 page document for you to sign giving them permission to data mine and access all of yours and your children's personal information.


Well, at least my Apple,Samsung and Google stocks are rising...

Ramcharger Ramcharger
Aug '17

From reading this chain I'm struck by two things. Folks without children seem to have the most advice, and it's obviously from a place of moral certainty and lack of experience. I would encourage anyone with children to ignore the advice of those without children.

Second there is a serious lack of technical expertise and folks who plan to monitor better be sure they know more than their kids. Kids find out ways to bypass safegaurds, more especially if they are bright. I work in IT and have some technical expertise, granted my kids are older now but when they were teenagers I thought I had them pretty closely monitored. Years later its turns out they all had back doors to bypass my tactics, not always but more than I knew.

Third monitoring text messages should be considered the same as listening in on phone calls back when we were kids. Most of us would have been horrified if our parents had insisted on listening in on all our calls when we were teens. By the same token knowing that there were other extensions in the house meant we knew someone could overhear anything said.

Monitor should not mean intrusion, but a warning that you can always get a transcript of any conversation from the phone company, and that with a warrant the police can also see anything they type.

Agust Agust
Aug '17

Kids today are coding in 2nd grade.

My ex is computer illiterate.

Can't protect my children at her end. But they are smart. Any barriers she puts up will be bypassed before the Keurig fills the cup with coffee.

Sad times.

Ramcharger Ramcharger
Aug '17

Darrin- sure you can join snapchat and instagram and be friends with your child in order to monitor but often times kids will create 2nd accounts that are with code names so you would have no idea that your kid has another account.

Concerned about tech
Aug '17

"Folks without children seem to have the most advice, and it's obviously from a place of moral certainty and lack of experience. I would encourage anyone with children to ignore the advice of those without children."

Interesting. Just because someone doesn't actually have children, their advice can't be sound?

Calico696 Calico696
Aug '17

Concerned about tech, if they are making second accounts I would think they are trying to hide something....no?

Darrin Darrin
Aug '17

Darrin- yes but my point is that being friends on social media with your kids to monitor their activity is useless if they create other accounts. Yes, if they are creating secondary accounts then obviously they do not want the parent to see what they are posting. The best way to have control is to install filters that do not allow the child to add apps or visit certain websites without parental approval by inputting a code.

Concerned about tech
Aug '17

My children will have "privacy" when they move out to their own residences. Until then, my house, my rules, I will know to the best of my ability what is going on with my kids.

bemused bemused
Aug '17

I am not monitoring until they give me a reason to monitor. Trust is a two way street its built over time. I am raising them to do the right things and give them gradual freedom as they earn it. When they break the trust the monitoring will begin. Until then, not a chance.

CraftBeerBob CraftBeerBob
Aug '17

Funny my daughter and I are friends on facebook.......but she has limited my access to most everything that goes on on her page........NOT because she doesnt want me to see what she and her friends talk about but she's embarrased by the stuff I post. lol

Sorry this is not a funny subject, but I find it amusing that it's me she has to monitor. She's also not a child anymore.....she's 22 so she's more then willing to tell me probably more then I want to know.

My son on the other hand is the one I have to keep on top of.

This year the high school has a new policy.....at least it sounds new to me. The kids are allowed to bring into school, to use for school ANY of their own devices....like laptops, ipads, phones ect........but there is one clause in the paper I had to sign to give permission for him to bring his own devise and it's that any teacher at any point in time and go through the devise to assure they are not doing anything against their policies.........they also have to sign onto the web through the schools system which has blocks on certian sites and even words.......So he is well aware of the rules and trust will be givin until he looses it.

littlelu littlelu
Aug '17

I wonder if it is men or women who are more willing to trust their children.

“By contrast, psychological control can limit a child’s independence and leave them less able to regulate their own behavior.”

"Examples of psychologically controlling behavior identified by the study included invasions of children’s privacy"

"Researchers found that people who reported their parents had intruded on their privacy in childhood or encouraged dependence were more likely to have low scores in surveys of happiness and general wellbeing carried out in their teens, their 30s, their 40s and even their 60s."



http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/overly-controlling-parents-cause-their-children-lifelong-psychological-damage-says-study-10485172.html

Ramcharger Ramcharger
Aug '17

CraftBeerBob I'm totally with you! That was how things worked in our house and we never had a problem

Ziggy Ziggy
Aug '17

Calico, But I do not take advice on hunting from folks who have never hunted. I do not take legal advice from folks who have never practiced law, I do not take software design advice from electrical engineers fresh out of college with no work experience. I happen to think that raising decent human beings is an important and difficult thing, taking advice from someone has never actually had to live with the consequences of that advice or actually tried it in person is not something I would recommend to anyone for any important task.

I do not play golf, or baseball so I never offered any advice on how to play those games (other than work hard and listen to the coach) . I never had to raise girls into women, so I never offered advice on girl specific issues. If anyone catches me doing so, I suggest they ignore my advice.

Agust Agust
Aug '17

I don't have kids but if I did i would also check. Now a days there is way too much going on and they need to be kept safe. Have a rule that at bed time the phones go on a docking station so they are not on them till weee hours of the morning. Then that is a good time to check and make sure all is good with texts and posts. If they are getting mad that you are checking maybe that means they are saying things they shouldn't be.

Shady Shady
Aug '17

Check Everything!
You need to be aware of all the possible negatives in your child's life.
Know who his friends are, and what their families are like.
Definitely clone his phone.
And you can put GPS inserts in his shoes.
Parents gotta know.
Especially in today's hi tech world, where strangers have easy access to our kids.
You can "trust" your kids to make their beds and do their chores.
You can't trust them to make wise decisions socially. That's what causes middle schoolers to try smoking, drinking, drugs,and sex.
Discuss everything. But don't let go of being a good parent.


Lili - is that sarcasm or are you serious?

CraftBeerBob CraftBeerBob
Aug '17

All things that adult Americans profit from. Money in all of these businesses. TV shows all about sex, drinking, etc. I see no shortage of people at bottle king on 57.
Kids are a product of their environment. When you show them that you don't trust them just watch what you will get. As a little experiment, try it on your husband or wife. Go sneak on their cell phone tonight. Make sure you have your lawyer on speed dial first...


"That's what causes middle schoolers to try smoking, drinking, drugs,and sex. "

Ramcharger Ramcharger
Aug '17

Checking won't fix years of not paying attention.
So try and listen from age 0-25, and don't think they're grown/mature, when they're not. (Mature at around 25ish).
We can't protect them. We need to teach them how to be safe, how to make good choices, and not to rush into relationships.
I tell mine, sex leads to babies. You ready for parenthood?
Slow down.
Keep them in the church. Have them volunteer and babysit.
And pray. A lot.


You pray a lot and let us know how that works.

Seenit
Aug '17

I always feel like somebody's watching me.
And I have no privacy.
Woh, I always feel like somebody's watching me.
Tell me is it just a dream? Or am I 26 yet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY

Ramcharger Ramcharger
Aug '17

i'm of the mind that young children shouldn't be allowed to own smart phones. in my view they wouldn't be given phones until they were 16 , but that's just me.

BrotherDog BrotherDog
Aug '17

For the with kids and without kids debate, one needs to remember that many posting that do not have kids may also be within the age group that grew up with cell phones. So while we may not have the background in being a parent, we aren't so far removed from a time when we were the middle schoolers or high schoolers with cell phones. Just a reminder that we are not completely ignorant from the in's and out's of texting and what transpired when we were that age which wasn't TOO long ago.

helpthekitty helpthekitty
Aug '17

Good points, helpthekitty! Plus, those raising children for the first time have not necessarily successfully done so yet. So they may not be so good at it, but we won't know for a decade, when they become adults in their twenties :)

maja2 maja2
Aug '17

Agust.....I get your point on giving advise on children when you don't have any........however.....there are many "parents" and I use the term lightly, that I would not take advise from.

Folks that don't have children HAVE been children and more then likely have friends or family that do and have seen the outcome....so I take all opinions......"take what I need and leave the rest".......lol

littlelu littlelu
Aug '17

Yes.

Snowmeiser
Sep '17

I say let the little @#$#$#$'s figure it out on their own like we did. I mean they have been on the dole since day 1. It's time these parent-fare babies took some personal responsibility instead of living off parent-ware entitlements :>)

strangerdanger strangerdanger
Sep '17

If I'm paying for the smartphone, bet your ass I'm checking. That is said up front to the child. The phone is a privilege not a right. Especially if I'm funding it. Upfront, honest, direct, those are the responsibilities of a parent, the child will follow.

Mickey Mickey
Sep '17

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