What would you do (ill-speaking person)?

Here is the situation, there are 5 or 6 families that get together frequently all with kid(ages range from5or6 to 21). Now not all the time everyone can make it . There is one adult who always has something negative or bad to say about the kids who are not there. Some things they say is down right mean and hurtful. What would you do or say to this person the next time it happens?

dadof2
Mar '15

"I wish you wouldn't talk about the kids like that"???

5catmom 5catmom
Mar '15

i would point out how bad his children smell and the fact that his spouse needs braces and a whitening. If that doesnt work, I would remind them of their recent job loss due to poor performance and politely ask them to leave.

swimswitdafishes
Mar '15

No need to say anything...you can't control what another person thinks or says. I think it would be best to just ignore any comments that are made. If the person saying these things does not get a reaction from others it should stop rather quickly.


It depends... is it a man or a woman?

ianimal ianimal
Mar '15

Can't change stupid!

botheredbyuu2 botheredbyuu2
Mar '15

Do what the majority of people around here do ...talk about that person and what they said behind their back !!
I'm kidding of course ....even though people do actually do that. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway ?

Missrx Missrx
Mar '15

Why does that person keep getting invited?


I would flat out tell him/her that their talking about other people's children makes you and the others uncomfortable and that you wish he/she would refrain from speaking about others behind their backs.

JrzyGirl88 JrzyGirl88
Mar '15

Thank you for all of your input and the next time it happens and i am sure it will i, i will make it a point to let the have it.

dadof2
Mar '15

I would send an email or take him or her aside and say that you want these gatherings to reinforce ans teach positive behavior for the kids and to try and curb his and her negativity during these events. Otherwise you will harbor resentment and the kids will learn from adults to talk badly about each other when they do that well on their own unfortunately. But it starts at home.


I would stop including this family in the group.

Tracy Tracy
Mar '15

Sounds like a toxic personality - I would either exclude him/her or myself. Life's too short!


Try to raise the subject when that party is not present and tell everyone else in the group that next time that person says anything negative about anyone who isn't present, to get absolutely quiet and stare at this person. you'll probably never see them again ...oh..and Missrx is right... usually when there is a small group that gets together regularly (work and other) , eventually gossip starts about whomever is not present.

sallysimpson sallysimpson
Mar '15

A true friend would defend a friend in their absence. Speak up the next time it happens.

outsider outsider
Mar '15

How about honesty? Simply say something. No need to be angry/critical, etc. People who enjoin a group in criticism against an absent member may do so to inflate their own status - not rational, but common. "I really wish we didn't talk about our friends who aren't here - it makes me feel uncomfortable." - you may need to repeat a few times, but eventually ALL will get the message - the behavior is maintained not only by the person saying the critical things, but also by all of those who listen or say nothing - gives the message that this is somehow alright or that you might agree.

pmnsk pmnsk
Mar '15

I think you can nicely note that speaking behind other's backs is not something you appreciate. Of course, don't turn your back :>)

mistergoogle mistergoogle
Mar '15

I would say "did you see what I wrote about you on the Hackettstown Life Forum?"

that should keep them busy


I Liked what JRT said

Caged Animal Caged Animal
Mar '15

I agree with pmnsk.... Speak softly and tell them how you really feel about the situation when it happens again and how uncomfortable you are when they do this..

joyful joyful
Mar '15

what does their significant other say? Nothing?

Antimony Antimony
Mar '15

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