The First of the Firsts (Re: Grieving)
A dear friend told me that when someone you love passes on, you go through a year of the "Firsts". Well, as some of you know my Mom passed on in July and this Sunday, November 23 is the First of the Firsts. It would have been my Mom's birthday. I think its going to be a very tough day. Another tough day is going to be my birthday. Nobody to wish me a happy birthday. Please say a prayer and hope I can get through it. She is all I had as far as family goes. Thank You.
Singlemaleinnj First of all...I am very sorry for the loss of your Mother..Singlemaleinnj...Yes, you will have a tough day this Sunday and also on future special days that you and your Mom used to share with happiness. Most of us have been in the same situation as you when we have lost someone near and dear to us. My own Mother passed away so many years ago just before Christmas. I was already married with two small children. After the funeral we visited with my Father when he announced that our family would not be celebrating Christmas that year. My daughter who was about 8 at the time walked into the dining room and called to us to come in the room. She pointed to all the wrapped gifts under the china closet and said: Nannie would have wanted us to have a Happy Christmas...Look..she has all of our presents ready for us sent from Heaven... We got through that Christmas and all of the other special events to follow by continuing to think that our Mother and Grandmother would not have wanted us to be sad but instead to be remembering the happy times we had when she was here among us. You have your whole life ahead of you now...We can never replace our loved ones when they leave us...but live goes on...Try to get involved in your church or other places where you can get out and meet people. You might find that even though you no longer have family left...good friends can really help to fill the void. Wishing you the best...
joyful I have already started praying for you today. Most likely there are many of us on this forum who have gone through this "First". Try to keep busy, find something to make you smile, rake leaves, volunteer your time somewhere, try something you have never done before. Let us know how you made out. I know there are people on here, myself included, who sincerely would want to know how you did. God bless you.
Spring Fever Singlemaleinnj, I have faith that you will get through the difficult days. And I think your birthday is now an official, permanent HL happy hour day. Be strong.
maja Thinking of you and wishing you are ok. I understand what you are going through It is not easy but know that there are caring people who wish you well.
A good dayEvery one of us will go through this at sometime. It's not pleasant time. It's just days filled with memories. Nothing wrong with that and It doesn't last just a year. Memories are forever. I turned to God and ask him where do I go from here. I am lucky that I had family support, but you have to turn to friends you trust, since we are social human beings and depend on each other.
I am praying that God will give you guidance and the strength you need, my friend.
Old Gent It gets easier as time goes on. Hang in there. And yes, when is your birthday? I would like to add it to the calendar.
Calico696 Singlemaleinnj, if you can't think of anything to make you smile, go on the Rifle or Gunshot thread( I know this sounds strange ), and scroll down to emaxxman's photo.
I practically guarantee it will make you either smile or laugh out loud!
God doesn't want you to be miserable. He wants you to depend on Him now...; )
I think as a forum, it would be nice to send Singlemale pictures to cheer him up and anyone else who needs some joy in their lives...baby and animal pictures work for me every time, but I am sure you can come up with other subjects too, even if they have been posted on other sites already...the one where JR posted what MrG thinks he looks like had me laughing out loud, every time I looked at it. This can be the forum's
Thanksgiving thread to show our thanks for someone as nice as Singlemale...
My mom passed away January 30, 2012, 7 days before my birthday. It was tough. For her "first" birthday we had a little birthday party with immediate family to help us get through it. The hardest for me was the first Christmas. My mom and I always did our shopping together and she had a tradition of taking my kids out to pick out a new ornament each year. She also always got them the Hallmark yearly ornaments. The first, second, third etc ornaments. When I went to get that years ornament for my daughter and learned they discontinued the set I was heartbroken. The poor sales girl didn't know what to do when I started crying because I couldn't continue the tradition. I had to explain the situation and she felt so bad but of course there was nothing anyone could do. The Holidays are still hard but I know she is with me in spirit. Your mom is with you as well.
jrsemom I lost my Dad a day before his 60th Bday very unexpectedly. It was the hardest thing I ever went thru. My Dad was everything to me. To make it worse we had a party planned for him and it was 2 weeks before Christmas. The firsts are tough to get thru but you can lean on friends and even us here on HL. Post your feelings so we can help you thru it. I always try to remember that God taketh away but he gives back. You may not see it yet but it will happen. God Bless you!
Christine I'm truly sorry for your loss and I understand how this feels. My father died 8 years ago when I was 20 years old and I was the one who found him passed away. I was incredibly close w/him and beyond devastated. It was even harder for me because he died 3 days after his birthday, so for 3 days in a row each July I do become extremely depressed but it is getting better. Not too long after he passed, the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series and the Cardinals are our favorite baseball team, so while that to me was a *sign*, it also made me miss him that much more. Every year it does become a little bit easier, except like you said...the first of the firsts. I was just married this year and didn't get to experience the father/daughter dance and now I am pregnant and he won't be here for his grandson. While this post has become depressing, I know that w/each passing year after a "first" it does become easier. You need to just continue to have support around you or dive into something you love. It's tough, but I promise from experience, it will get better. I am truly sorry for your loss though and at some point down the line you can look back at pictures of your mom or reminisce about the great times you had together and just smile.
sunshinenj Many of us have been there, and as hard as it is to believe now, it does get easier. I just got out of the hospital(again) this week so my home is a wreck, but if you can deal with dog and cats fur and dustballs, we just got 28 lb turkey for maybe 6 people. Needless to say, we love left-overs, turkey salad, turkey chowder etc. You are more than welcome to join us.Will also have all the trimmings yams, potatoes, gravy, stuffing...and if i can get some energy back home-made cheese cake and pumpkin pie. E-mail me. As long as I know by early Thanksgiving you're good
Dansker 
hackmom 
Hi !!! Good morning Singlemaleinnj . My prayers are with you today. May the Lord be with you.
Dansker - what a lovely invitation, so kind.
singlemaleinnj, so many of us have gone through what you are dealing with - I lost my mom this year also... so do share, so glad that you reached out - being around others will help, but the truth is, that it is time that helps the most - at least for me.. so sorry for your loss and I hope that you get through these next months with as many people around you as possible..
pmnsk Lost my father in August of this year... he joined my mother who had passed away 5 yrs ago...the "firsts" are terrible. Time softens the hurt, but the grief still is overwhelming from time to time.
wonderful When my Mom passed my daughter was 5 and my son 4 months. It was Dec 17. I remember pulling together a Christmas for my daughter and just locking it all inside.. that wasn't good. Its good that you are expressing yourself here, to let it out. joyful gave some great advice above, good friends and getting involved can be such a help!
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