Adrian Peterson and Child Abuse Charges
I'm surprised no one has broached this hot topic. I grew up in a family that had no problem with giving us a swat (or more) growing up, but clearly the tide has turned. My DH was brutally beaten by his father on many occasions and he swore the trend would stop. He has never laid a hand on his children. I am amazed at the people coming out saying there is nothing wrong with using corporal punishment to discipline a child.
Even though I fear it was for economic (endorsement) reasons that Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson were suspended, I feel that they do not belong in the NFL. The only positive side is that it is bringing this topic out into the open for careful thought and open discussion.
Lady Jayne I think there is a big difference between giving your child a swat and beating them with a wooden switch. I heard this morning that Reggie Bush (NFL Player) was defending Adrian Peterson and said he'd consider "harshly" disciplining his own 1-year-old daughter if the situation arose. Who says things like this?? I think the NFL should start psych evaluations after too many whacks to the head..
JrzyGirl88 Harshly disciplining a 1 year old? Seriously? What planet do these people live on?
I think kids who are disciplined by physical force and have pain inflicted on them, grow up thinking that is the way to teach and maintain authority and discipline ...
you know the old phrase, children learn what they live.
As for the NFL's mounting issues ... what industries would hire an illiterate who can't even do the most basic math, etc., over applicants with degrees from places like Princeton, Lafayette, Dartmouth ....
there is your problem, they are about winning first and foremost. They overlook a multitude of sins, in order to get "talent."
Andy Loigu As long as the child is raised in an environment where love is the primary emotion that is expressed, corporal punishment is not necessarily detrimental and can be a positive part of child rearing. The environment in which we find ourselves now is resulting in kids who are out of control with no fear of discipline from anyone.
I think the people who should be charged with child neglect are these two boys mothers. One of them was raised to think that it's perfectly ok to bully younger children and the other was raised to think that it was perfectly ok to curse in front of adults. And this is at the ripe old age of four... I can only wonder what kind of monsters they would be by the time they became teenagers.
iPhone-imal And as for Reggie Bush's comment, it's obvious that he meant when his daughter was older, not at the age she is now.
"As long as the child is raised in an environment where love is the primary emotion that is expressed, corporal punishment is not necessarily detrimental and can be a positive part of child rearing. The environment in which we find ourselves now is resulting in kids who are out of control with no fear of discipline from anyone."
Bravo! Couldn't have said it better myself.
Calico696 If you can't figure out how to discipline your kid without hitting them, then you are a sh1tty parent.
darwin 
Old Gent 
botheredbyuu2 I was "punished" with a belt, as a child.......they ONLY thing that did for me was taught me how to be more crafty so I wouldn't get caught. It did NOT instill anything positive.
I've never hit my kids with anything other then a little smack on the bottom with my hand. Knock on wood, neither have been in any trouble, they both have respect for their elders and both are very empathetic children who care about others. Like I said, knock on wood! lol
littlelu Yep, I was punished with a belt too, littlelu. It taught me that I had to fear my father, and that I couldn't trust him, and to this day I am reluctant to confide in him. I'm sure he thought that love was the primary emotion in our household. I can only tell you, for me, it was fear.
Aquarius Inflicting pain causes both fear and hate. That is not a positive environment no matter how you look at it.
GC Agreed, darwin! By disciplining children physically, you're teaching them that it is OK to solve problems in this way.
MB All right, Darwin, I'll accept your challenge. I'm your 6-year old son and I called my first grade teacher a fat whore. Discipline me.
The physical discipline taught me a lot of things I'm sure my father never intended.
My goodness ,how much pain dose a slap do. In my Public Junior High school the Vice Principal in charge of discipline had a paddle. All he said was assume the angle. You bent over and got a few hits. Not hard but it was more humiliating, It gets your attention. Those Kids went on and fought a war. I never forget Mr. Rudy Sandmeier.
I always put a towel in my pants for cushioning before going downstairs for the belt. I feel that today its gone in the other direction and the kids rule the roost. Somewhere in the middle would be better.
jerseycash5I guess most of Asia are shi*ty parents. There is a difference between abusing and disciplining. Whip your child to the point that there are lacerations? That's abuse. Spanking within limits? That's discipline.
emaxxman iPhone it's easier to discipline kids now more than ever since there are more luxuries to take away. TV, phone, sports, computer. But in your example if that was my 6 yr old he would have written an apology to the teacher and then he would be her assistant for a month, stay after school get there early to help her in whatever she needed. He wouldn't play in any sports games, have to go to practice but he would sit out during the games until the teacher said so.
You tell him to write an apology and he says "No. What are you gonna do, hit me? Didn't think so... Write it yourself, chump." Your move, dad.
And, if spanking teaches kids that it's ok to solve problems with violence, what does taking things away from them do, if not teaching them that it's ok to solve problems by taking things that don't belong to them? That's not a real great lesson to teach either, is it?
I don't know I had a phone, a tv, a car, stereo, a boyfriend, trips to the mall. When I got in trouble I got a smack and all of those things taken away. I once thought I would be smart and Ibought a phone, hid it in the closet, my mom heard me on the phone late one night and took the jack out of my room. My parents were loving, caring and tough. I have them to thank for the life I have today. I am responsible, go to work everyday, have my own home, good credit, pay my bills, own two cars, travel and no criminal record!!!! .Somebody did something right raising me. My parents were parents, they didn't need me to like them or need to be my friend. But you can bet your a@# that when I needed them they were there in a second, they loved me unconditionally and with everything they had (still do!!!)
Nah. The problem with your "kid" didn't start with this outburst. The problem was you did a crappy job raising him that he thought that behavior was appropriate. Parents need to do a better job being proactive in raising their kids. Punishments and beatings are reactionary to a problem that you could have avoided by properly raising the kid to know right from wrong.
Six year olds know right from wrong? Don't tell Texas that, they'll want to start executing them, lol.
My father hit me with a belt for discipline. It taught me to behave myself and act in a way that was expected of me. Never did I fear him, well unless I knew I did something I shouldn't have ;-), or not trust him. I've always trusted him more than anyone else I have ever known and still do. I actually appreciate the way I was raised very much. It made me who I am today. Which is, what I like to think, a strong, independent, hard working, reliable and honest person.
Recently, at a public function, I saw a little girl about 3 or 4 all snuggled up on her dad's lap. I could see the love there, so mutual. I remember thinking that I still feel that way about my dad and wished, if only for a moment, I could be that small again so he could hug me like that.
Boy, he really did a lot of damage by disciplining me. Lol
My dad whipped me with a belt once, and I didn't understand what I did to deserve it ...I was just a kid. I guess he thought I SHOULD have known.
Anyway, my mom was really mad about what my dad did ... and he never did it again.
I got good grades, went to college, even got a master's degree. I think I turned out OK.
I'll tell you the best thing an adult ever did for me ...
In 7th grade I was starting to smoke with my buddies ... a teacher named Mr. Klevan, who I'll always remember, told me (but not the other two) that he wanted to see me after school.
He simply said, "I know you're smoking to please your 'friends.' But, in 10 years they are going to be bums and you're going to be in college. Find new friends, you don't need to do something that's harmful for you just to please somebody else."
That was in 1962 and I've never lit up a cigarette since.
And the teacher was right, in 10 years those guys WERE bums.
The problem is that a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting doesn't exist. I have three kids, and each one of them responded differently to different types of discipline when they were young, and when they got older the discipline techniques changed with them. Using a broad brush to say that all parents who do XYZ or don't do ABC are bad parents is an ignorant statement to make IMO. If that were true then we would see uniform disciplinary methods that worked across the entire population. But we don't.
I agree that there is a place for some forms of corporal punishment. Certainly it's way down on the list of techniques, but for some children that's what works.
justintime 
judy well i see both sides of this discussion, and it is a good discussion to have,
i have to share with you that the very last time my dad slugged me (yes, slugged, closed fist punches) i was 18 years old, not gonna share with you all what happened after that, but i can tell you that WAS the last time.
and yes, i love him dearly, and that's what hurts more than anything, the fact that i still love and respect him, and now that he is much older, i willingly provide care for him when he needs help. this is what family is supposed to do for each other, provide care, nurture, and safety from the world at large. that's what makes a good family
BrotherDog Tim Tebow doesn't need to worry about it because he will never have sex with a woman. And he certainly wouldn't have to worry about being kicked out of the NFL for it, lol.
The whole “my dad beat me and I turned out OK” argument is so stupid. That’s not the point. The point is was the beating the most effective form of discipline? Heck was it even effective at all? For those that parents beat them, did it just happen once? Did you screw up and got beaten and it knock some sense into you, pun intended, to the point where you changed your behavior? Or were you constantly getting beaten? If you were constantly getting beaten by your parents then what did that beating teach you? Probably nothing if your behavior didn’t change.
My dad was short tempered and impatient. He didn’t take time to teach me right from wrong; he just let me know when I was wrong. My mom on the other hand raised me to have morals, respect, how to make proper decisions and what proper behavior was. Her telling me I disappointed her and she raised me better than that was way more painful than any physical punishment my dad laid out. I lived my life and evaluated my decisions on what was right or wrong not because I was scared my dad would beat me if I did something wrong, but because I didn’t want to disappoint my mom who took the time to raise me and guide me throw life.
Beating a kid is reactionary parenting; kid screws up you beat them. Anyone can do that. But being a proactive parent, raising your kids to know right from wrong, teaching them morals, respect and letting them know how their behavior effects others, takes effort.
Look at AP’s kid, you think that beating taught him not to curse out his brother? No it just taught him to make sure his deadbeat dad doesn’t hear him do it.
I guess I'm stupid. Thanks darwin. RME
justintime - Your post makes the most sense in this thread.
You can't teach morals and respect to young children. The capacity for that type of thinking doesn't develop until later. The only thing young children understand is that they will get punished if they get caught doing certain things. Therefore, it stands to reason that the more a child fears a certain punishment, the less likely he will be to commit the infraction. Would a child dread having to write some stupid letter more than 10 whacks across the backside with a belt? He might, he might not... it depends on the individual. What works for one might not work for another.
The important thing is to have plenty of positive reinforcement for the child when he does well. The kids who really get screwed up are the ones who get ignored except for when they screw up, regardless of the form of punishment administered.
Lol, Darwin. Not 12 hours ago, you were saying that undisciplined kids are the way they are because of piss-poor parenting. Guess who raised these kids to think it's ok to bully younger children and curse in front of adults? Their mothers did. Then they ship them down to Texas to spend time with their father and he sees these out of control kids with no discipline whatsoever. So, he reacts by disciplining them the way he was disciplined by his mother and father growing up. I have a hard time finding fault with that, in and of itself... But if he crossed the line from discipline to abuse, then he should be punished. That's for a jury to decide.
And why would you call him a deadbeat? Do you think he doesn't pay child support?
I was disciplined physically and did NOT grow up thinking that's the way to discipline my kids. I never "hit" my kids. Slap on hands from time to time, sure. I did NOT grow up into a violent adult either. Don't buy that theory.
i didn't say you are stupid Calico, i said that agruement is stupid. I'm sure you would have turned out the same if your dad didn't beat you.
"You can't teach morals and respect to young children"
Im sorry you feel that way.
"hey would you like it if someone did that to you? no then why would you do that to your brother" has been a pretty effective way my wife and i have taught our sons morals and respect.
but i guess you're right i should just whip my boys until they are old enought to know better. Where's my belt??
"I'm sure you would have turned out the same if your dad didn't beat you."
I disagree, everything from childhood shapes who you are as an adult. I might have turned out worse, the same, or better who knows.
Also, he didn't "beat" me. I hardly consider a swat or two a beating.
"hey would you like it if someone did that to you? no then why would you do that to your brother" has been a pretty effective way my wife and i have taught our sons morals and respect."
I hate to break it to you, but that goes right in one ear and out the other at that age. Empathy is a higher order thought process that just isn't there at that age. Which isn't to say that you shouldn't keep drumming it into them... eventually they'll get it.
You slapped your kids hands without hitting them? How did you manage to pull that off?
I think people confuse spanking with child abuse too frequently today. When I read blog posts or news articles about "spanking" they usually describe an angry parent who has been wronged and is taking out their frustrations on their child (the one who has wronged them). This is NOT proper spanking. This is child abuse.
There are several facets to proper spanking. Here is a possible scenario. Jimmy and Suzie are playing. Suzie hits Jimmy intentionally. Mom sees it and says "Suzie, do not hit your brother. If you keep hitting him you will be spanked." A few minutes later Jimmy is crying because Suzie hit him.
First of all, follow through no matter what kind of discipline we are talking about is essential. Mom said Suzie would be spanked so that is what must happen. Secondly, Mom CANNOT be angry. If the parent in this situation is angry this is no longer a proper spanking. Taking the child to a separate room is helpful as it will give Mom a chance to cool off.
Loving discipline looks like this:
"Suzie, do you know what you did wrong?"
"I hit Jimmy."
"Yes, I said you would be punished if you did that so you are getting spanked." "Are you ready?" Mom waits until Suzie has submitted and is ready for her spanking.
There will be tears and it will hurt, but after spanking (and not so as to leave marks or bruises), there MUST be restoration. You don't send a child on their way. You hold them and you hug them. You tell them how much you love them and that you want to teach them right from wrong and that they must learn to obey. You don't let the child run off crying and consoling themselves. You keep them there until YOU know that THEY know they are loved and FORGIVEN.
"I'm sorry, Mommy."
"Suzie, I forgive you. I love you. I don't like to spank you, but I do it because I love you, and I want you to learn to obey."
Spanking can be a loving form of discipline. Anything less than that is leaning more toward abuse.
mrs. sacred|secular iphone, let me ask you this, will you take time to teach your kid that the stove is hot and he shouldn't touch it or are you going to wait til he touches it, burns his hand and go " i bet you won't do that again!".
"I hate to break it to you, but that goes right in one ear and out the other at that age."
and i hate to break it to you but i'm doing a pretty good job raising 2 respectable boys who know right from wrong and treat others with respect and i didn't need to beat that into them. Good luck raising yours.
I'm not the one who is calling others "shitty parents", Darwin, that was you. I have never told you how to raise your children; again, that is you. I have no doubt that you are a loving, caring father who wants the best for his children. Bravo. So are 99.9% of the people who spank their children on occasion.
I think it's your constant use of the word "beat" that rubs me the wrong way. There's a big difference between beating a child and using physical discipline as a tool. Perhaps it was the way your own father went about it that has formed your opinion. You seem to have a lot of hostility and resentment towards Dad. Would you like to talk about it?
IMO there is "slap" (minor), "hit" (more serious) and "beat" (which is totally unacceptable.
If that makes you feel better, bby, you can keep believing it. Why would you slap someone's hand if not to intentionally cause them a measure of physical pain?
You can't spank your kids at all anymore. The unqualified idiots at DYFS come knocking when the other parent and that side of the family like to call over every little thing. There's a difference between a beating and a spanking. But now they like to say they are one and the same.
Metsman Iphone- We are all entitled to our own opinions. My 2 kids grew up to be outstanding adults, with NO violent tendencies.
There are a lot of reasons this country has seen its better days. One of them is, there is no more discipline for children anymore. School or at home. No discipline equals no respect.
Philliesman You are so right Philliesman. When Government makes feel good laws that makes one size fits all. It dosen't seem to work very well. Now everyone has a right to be offended by others actions. Even children.
Whatever. Keep beating, slapping, spanking, physically disciplining your kids. Hope it makes you feel good to hurt a kid physically. Hope it makes you feel more like a man. After all you're just toughing them up and teaching them respect. There's No other way to do that, right?
And no daddy issues here, in his own way he taught me to be a better father by teaching me what NOT to do.
All I feel compelled to say is that if I was the teacher who was called a fat whore, I don't want the parent punishing me by having to see the kid extra hours every school day. And don't dump the decision of when he can play sports again on me. Take a weeks vacation from work, because I am going to have your kid suspended, and you can stick him in the time out corner. Then the parent can decide when sports begin again. Not that anyone's kid would be so mean to a teacher :)
By the way, I saw a video somewhere that was part of a research study. Young babies were shown to have the ability to empathize, as well as prefer a kind character over a mean or selfish one.
maja I don't have any kids to spank, but I have given my dog a spank on the arse when she has misbehaved.
I guess I'm an animal abuser. Quick, call the ASPCA!
I've never laid a hand on a child and I hope I never have to. I certainly don't need to do it to validate my manhood, but there you go again projecting your daddy issues on the rest of the world. My father made sure to tell me that he didn't like to do it, that there was nothing he disliked more... and that I would understand that someday when I had to discipline my own child. Now, to be honest, that didn't mean a hill of beans to me at the time, lol. But, as I grew up and developed a more personal relationship with my father as men on equal footing, rather than father and son, I definitely believe that it was as he said. He never hit me in anger and was always detached in administering the punishment. He did laugh in spite of himself once or twice as I did the "please don't spank me dance", but I can't blame him for that... I'm sure it was quite comical.
Personally, I haven't decided whether I will spank my son and certainly not for anything trivial like drawing on the wall with a crayon. But, if he were to do something very dangerous, like hurt his sister, start a fire with matches or put the cat in the dryer and turn it on or something... it's not something that I will dismiss out of hand. I will use my judgement as best I can. If that makes me one of the shitty parents that doesn't pass the Darwin parenting test, so be it.
How about nasty, disrespectful back talk? Does that deserve a spanking? I remember saying "no" to my mother once in a sassy manner and got quite the slap across my face and my mother was not a hitter. I guess I was about 12. I never did that again for sure.
Being out and about, I cringe at some of the lip I hear from kids of all ages directed to their parents. Swearing and everything else. Man, I would have had no teeth had I ever done that.
The definition of discipline is
1.
the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience ... I'm not sure I agree with it. I believe that discipline is "training" but more like "teaching". Training/teaching to make the correct decisions and that entails the error committed; without it there would not be the opportunity to correct the behavior. With that being said, I don't believe that hitting, spanking, whatever you want to call it, really gets the job done without forging a lot of negative back lash as well.
I, too grew up in a time where you got anything from a slap on the head for some minor stupidity you may have committed to more severe beatings with belts and fists ~ all it served was to make me afraid (not respectful) of my parents and, in turn, it taught me to get better at covering up the normal mistakes that I may have committed. Not healthy, imo.
I turned out alright and I agree that my childhood served to teach me "what not to do" and I have found better ways to "discipline = teach" my children. They are great kids and when they screw up there is a conversation about what could have been done better, what that lesson taught us/them, and how to manage those circumstances, when and if, they arise again. There is a lesson that is taught and learned. I began when they were very small when I noticed misbehavior and it's always been a three count. 1. Please don't do such and such; 2. If you continue to do such and such, this will happen (i.e. remove an item/privilege NOTE: choose wisely), and 3. Execute the consequence. They learned. They learned what was expected of them, and that I didn't play around ~ and, there was always a conversation/exchange as to what happened and why. After that, there only needed to be reminders (and, "the look"). As they've gotten older, the ground work has been done and now it's mostly just adjustments that are needed. They know what's expected of them and how to navigate themselves. You have to teach them how to make the correct choices alone; that builds respectful, responsible human beings.
On a side note and with all due respect, ianimal, you just became a father recently, correct? I am not sure where you get all your "experience" from, to have such a huge opinion. Good luck applying all your theories in reality. It's a crap shoot and there's no manual.
And, in conclusion, I am always amazed at people who do not care about kids and their propensity for always being one of the first to show up on threads about kids with nothing to offer, but yet are so diligent about sharing their disdain, sarcasm, etc. Wonder what that's all about? It's like me telling a surgeon how to operate on their patients. What do I know about it?!? smh and deep, deep sigh.
happy2bhere happy - Here we go again I guess. Such a surprise. Not. No, I don't have kids. Yes, I was a kid. Yes, I have tons of nieces and nephews and friends with kids. Which I believe gives me the right to comment. Where you get off saying I don't care about kids, I'm not sure. Maybe, you should ask my nieces and nephews and friends' kids if Auntie Calico cares about them. You know nothing of my personal life at all. I'll thank you to not make statements as to what I do care or do not care about.
So if I'm not "allowed" to comment on threads that have to do with children because I don't have any, I had better not see any non-gun owners commenting on the gun threads.
Do whatever you like, just try and keep your comments to "helpful" and put the disdain, sarcasm, garbage that you, incessantly, bring to these threads and put them somewhere else. Deal?
Oh, whatever you say boss.....
I'll post what I post and if a moderator sees fit to remove it, they will.
I've been a father for 7 months; I've been a son for 43 years. I believe that gives me plenty of experience to talk about father-son relationships. You've never been either, and if I remember correctly, you have two daughters, no? What works on girls does not necessarily work on boys; even more so than what works for one boy may not work on another. Like I said, I'm just leaving all options open at this point.
maja, I was thinking the same thing as I read Darwin's "punishment". Why punish the teacher with babysitting the undisciplined little brat, and the coach and team??
iphone +1
Justintime +1
"And, in conclusion, I am always amazed at people who do not care about kids and their propensity for always being one of the first to show up on threads about kids with nothing to offer, but yet are so diligent about sharing their disdain, sarcasm, etc. Wonder what that's all about? It's like me telling a surgeon how to operate on their patients. What do I know about it?!? smh and deep, deep sigh. "
happy2bhere
For the record, I thought calico's (and iphone's) posts had a lot to offer with much less disdain, sarcasm, etc. than yours.
How about dealing with a kid who flips you the bird or punches you? Darwin, you are a damn idiot. My son is good but my daughter is another story.
Metsman, I assume your daughter isn't a young child, but a teenager? If that's the case, the days of the benefits of physical discipline are over. Reacting to her physicality with some of your own will probably land you in court, if not jail. She obviously has emotional issues and likely needs professional help at this point.
No I take the hits. And her mother comes and gets her in those instances. But my point is, why should parents take that crap?
She learned from her mother and stupid extended family calling DYFS that she can get away with trying to hurt me.
iphone-imal she is only 13. But take a punch from her... she's strong. I can't spank her but she can punch the crap out of me?! There's something wrong with that...
I don't want to stir any shit, but a lot of times when teenaged girls act out with violence, it's because they've been abused. Is it possible she blames you for not being there to protect her?
She's been attacking people since she was young. It has nothing to do with me. She got kicked out of preschools... I think she acted out because her mother wasn't there for her.
My point is, some kids need a wack. But... when you have idiots stirring the coals against you as the parent, that discipline goes in one ear and out the other because of those losers.
Commenting is no longer available.