Thoughts on a Honeymoon Shower

I just heard about a shower for a honeymoon yesterday, in place of a regular bridal shower. Not knowing what this was all about I looked it up by typing in honeymoon shower. I checked out a few sites and what I found I found to be tacky. Maybe I'm old fashion but asking people to pay for a dinner, drinks or air mileage to go on a honeymoon just doesn't seem right. The one site even listed it as a honeyfund in which the couple registers on. When I saw the word honeyfund I sure didn't like the idea.

Has anyone on here had one of these or been invited to one. Your thoughts? Maybe I'll change my mind.

Magpie Magpie
May '13

I agree 100%, tacky...

Lori...since '73 Lori...since '73
May '13

I've never even heard of one, but I'm pretty sure the concept will NOT be popular on here, lol...

ianimal ianimal
May '13

I have never heard of this but I have heard of people registering with a travel agent like a bridal shower registry. They included in the bridal showers invitations.

Mommyof3 Mommyof3
May '13

I've heard of a honeymoon registry, but I have never heard of the entire shower devoted to it. I think it kind of goes against the original purpose of a bridal shower.

Tracy Tracy
May '13

I'm thinking your going to be right, ianimal!

Magpie Magpie
May '13

Whats next a consummation Party wonder what kind of gift you would bring to that

Caged Animal Caged Animal
May '13

Not a fan. IMO, a honeymoon isn't essential to married life. It's great, but if you can't afford a big, splashy honeymoon, take one you can afford. A weekend away at somewhere local can be just as memorable as a cruise or trip to Europe. Especially if you're not taking out a loan or asking wedding/shower guests to pony up for a more lavish trip.

Or you save and wait until you can afford to take a splashy trip. No rules that a honeymoon has to immediately follow the wedding.

Have the wedding, and have the honeymoon that you can afford....don't ask your guests to pay for either.

If I received an invitation to such a shower, I'd send my regrets. And probably also include a lovely hand-knit tea cozy. :-)

lilac lilac
May '13

I've never heard of that and would most likely not attend one. I would hope the only people who would have a honeymoon shower are people who wouldn't have a bridal shower due to already being well established in a home and not needing anything you typically get at a bridal shower. I can't say I agree with it either way but to each is own I guess. Who am I to judge?

jrsemom jrsemom
May '13

Against. Of course. ;-)

Calico696 Calico696
May '13

I don't have a problem with it. A shower is basically a party where the guests are being asked to bring a gift for the guest of honor. The type of gift being requested doesn't change anything for me.


I am old fashioned I guess. To me, it's as bad as years ago, people would pay $1.00 to dance with the bride and groom. Same thing like taking up a collection. If you charged your honeymoon package, when you get home, you can use some of the wedding money to pay for it. In my opinion, if you are counting on money, you should not have scheduled a honeymoon you can't pay for yourself!

Joanne Joanne
May '13

+1 Joanne. Seems as a lot of people these days charge, charge, charge now and pay, pay, pay for years to come.

Calico696 Calico696
May '13

MB: The original idea of a "shower" was to help the bride (and groom) establish their new home, and the gifts were houseware type things. They were the items that would be necessary: kitchen ware, towels, sheets, other bedding, vases, etc.

A honeymoon is not necessary-it's a luxury, as is any vacation. A newlywed couple now seems to have a sense of "entitlement" that if they don't have a fancy vacation, their wedding "experience" is somehow a failure.

For those who say that couples are now waiting longer to get married, and probably already have pots and pans, towels, etc. perhaps true. But IMO, they can always upgrade to new pots and pans, towels, etc. rather than a vacation paid for by others.

lilac lilac
May '13

Tacky is right!

rierie rierie
May '13

lilac, my thoughts exactly. I lived with my husband before we married. I also lived alone in an apartment while in law school before we met. But I never bought anything "nice" for household items, waiting instead until I got married to upgrade.

I'm actually curious as to where this honeymoon is supposed to be, and how extravagant it is. Magpie, do you know the person?

Tracy Tracy
May '13

lilac,

I know how showers originated. But times have changed and often the couple is pretty well established and uses the shower as a means to upgrade their belongings. Those upgrades are a luxury, are they not?


So why have a shower? I for one am glad I didn't do the big fancy wedding thing. We did go to Key West. And we paid for it ourselves. Actually, we had deposited any gift money we had gotten from our small dinner after the city hall ceremony. Sadly, even though it was cash and not checks that were deposited, we had problems accessing out money once down there. Took my darn card twice at the ATM:(

Blackcat Blackcat
May '13

I'm having a bar shower. My guests bring an abundance of alcohol to my new bar and I let them have some pretzels and peanuts.

MBAFR
May '13

Way better than trying to find something off of the Kohls registry. PITA. You always,have the option to give a toaster instead of a boat ride on a canal in Venice. Most couples have a toaster already. Or just don't go to the shower. I may not have had this opinion before I had to shop at Kohls last week. :(


@caged. if the consummation party is women only, I will not be attending.


I think showers on honeymoons are a great idea. Given that most take place in hot, tropical locations and given the most common activity while there, I think frequent showers are a good idea.

emaxxman emaxxman
May '13

"I'm having a bar shower."

I've been to a few "bar-warming parties" after guys have finished their man-caves or whatever. Nothing at all wrong with that (-;

ianimal ianimal
May '13

I agree, tacky and pretty impersonal. Showers were meant to be for things the new couple “needed”. I agree that a honeymoon, in particular one that requires fundraising, is a luxury. Many couples start their married life these days already owning a home – something that didn’t happen when I got married. That is where they chose to spend their money at this time – and that is fine, but it is also fine to take a trip that does not involve flying to a resort and still have a wonderful honeymoon, without needing to spend a fortune.

Sarah1104 Sarah1104
May '13

I'm having an Audi R8 shower as soon as I can. Who wouldn't come to that?

MeisterNJ MeisterNJ
May '13

Here's another one for you all - I was recently invited to a bridal shower where the hostess put on the invitation a "cute" little poem about how if you're going to bring a gift, please consider cash since the bride and groom already are established in their home and don't need anything in that regard. I thought this was incredibly tacky as well. It doesn't matter how cute the poem is, a blatant request for cash is awful, in my opinion.

If the bride and groom don't "need" a shower to help them get established, I think they should not have anything at all. All these "new age" variations seem to be the epitome of tackiness.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention - this shower is for ladies and gents - so a co-ed affair. I don't know many women who like to go to showers, let alone men! My hubby is not too happy...

Samara
May '13

Just a thought. Perhaps this couple are older and already have necessities? I know when I got married I had lived on my own for years and didn't need a thing... I now have 4 crockpots. I would have loved if people contributed to our honeymoon. Of course they did in a way, people gave money and it paid for some fun excursions on the honeymoon. This gave us unforgettable memories. It also helped pay the downpmt on our home. Not saying I think this honeymoon shower thing is a good idea, just offering a different perspective.

Yum pretzels Yum pretzels
May '13

meister - I'll go if you give me a ride. I don't know if you have a registry set up yet but I got dibs on the pine tree air freshener.

emaxxman emaxxman
May '13

MeisterNJ - If you have a shower for your new R8, you couldn't possibly invite enough guests to fill your "registry" list of a new oil pump, the filter screens, the cylinder that cracks, the valves that no human can grind, the tensioner that goes at the drop of a hat, the 10 ignition coils you go through because it just has to have individual ones, the clutch plate that seizes, the four turbos you blow through because it just can find a way to cool down, and the 3 engine rebuild kits you'll need with all the other failures of over priced over engineered bad ideas. I suggest divorcing it with a week. ;-)


Tacky, Tacky, Tacky!!! I'm having a siding party, I need new siding on my house AND I'm having a pool party - I need a pool, summer's coming!!

TerryLynn TerryLynn
May '13

Samara, same thing happened to me. My sister got married and in her wedding invitation was a poem about preferring cash because they have been living together for some time. I was blown away. RUDE that all I can say.

On the flip side, my cousin got married recently and for her shower the maids of honor requested recipes and they assembled them for the bride. She didn't need anything and I thought that was just perfect. Some great new recipe's from her friends and family. Some did choose to include items needed to prepare the recipe. I did a spiked lemon aid recipe and purchased a nice glass pitcher, filled with lemons, a bottle of jack and a wooden spoon.

I think if you have everything you need maybe just write in invite, no gifts please. :) Nothing wrong with having a shower just for the fun of having everyone together celebrating your soon to be wedding. :)

abbadabbadoooo abbadabbadoooo
May '13

HahaGC. Audi isn't that bad. The new ones anyhow. Are R8's known to have all those problems? My Audi has been pretty good ( NOT an R8`). Drives awesome.

I'll take the air freshener, emaxx.

MeisterNJ MeisterNJ
May '13

Yes, I was at a bridal shower and the invitation stated where the bride/groom are registered AND a honeymoon registry.

I've also been to one where it said....NO GIFTS, CASH PLEASE

The registry was no better because there were 20 pages of gifts requested. And they want fine china (lenox) for 12 people.....have u seen the prices on those.

Years ago there were no registries and people bought whatever they felt they
needed. These registries are no better that the honeymoon registry. BTW, I did find it tacky.

cindyrella cindyrella
May '13

Always shower with a buddy on your honeymoon

SNOWMAN!
May '13

I know a girl that had a "new boobs party" She only raised enough for 1, She had the left side done and is planning another party to get the other one.

jerseycash5
May '13

LOL jerseycash5!

Calico696 Calico696
May '13

I'm a fence-sitter on this one - my hubby and I were well established, but I did put things to 'upgrade' the household on my registry, since it was a small list we did end up getting cash, but we certainly didn't ask for it.

I think since it's a Honeymoon Theme, maybe they'll get luggage, travel conveniences, etc. that all add up when you're traveling especially if it's your first big trip. In this case I would get a small travel themed item and cash. Even though it falls on the tacky side, let's remember the wedding is about the couple, not about what you think you should give them.

I love the co-ed showers, they tend to be fun and you don't do the really silly things, it also is a nice get-together for the Bridal Party and Families prior to wedding day.

trekster3 trekster3
May '13

Was the fence on the registry trekster?

MeisterNJ MeisterNJ
May '13

+1 Trekster

Coralie Coralie
May '13

My unofficial "tacky" tote board is up to 11 references, lol... I just find it funny that it's strictly a word used by women. If we men use it, you can be assured that we're talking about paint that isn't quite wet, but not quite dry (-;

ianimal ianimal
May '13

Haha ian, hopefully trekster's fence isn't tacky.

MeisterNJ MeisterNJ
May '13

Can I have a "Seal the Driveway" party? We're talking about 5K+ ft here:)

blackcat blackcat
May '13

"I love the co-ed showers..."

I agree, trekster, but only when they occur in a bathroom and not in some catering hall (-;

ianimal ianimal
May '13

Considering how consumerist and "stuff" obsessed our culture is, I personally would rather purchase the couple a nice experience for their honeymoon off a honeymoon registry instead of a high end blender that you know they don't actually need. Times and our culture have changed and I personally hate buying people "stuff".

somechick somechick
May '13

Times may have changed, but asking for any specific type of gift for a shower or wedding is just horrible and with my sister, she didn't get a dam thing from me. I thought asking for money so they could go out and purchase things they needed was horrible.

So what if the gift choosen is something they already have, return it. As it is most folks give cash for a wedding gift, and with these gift receipts they give now a days, returning something is no big deal.

I will never ask folks what to bring as a gift, the only time I mention a gift at all on an invite is to say one is NOT needed. :)

abbadabbadoooo abbadabbadoooo
May '13

jerseycash5, didn't she marry the other boob? :'(


Well, out right asking for money is ridiculous.

somechick somechick
May '13

Personally, I would appreciate my friends or family telling me that they want cash, if that's indeed what they want.

First of all, is giving a gift at an event like this really optional? I couldn't ever imagine myself going to a wedding or sending my wife to a shower for a member of my family without sending a gift, so in my case, it's absolutely expected. Perhaps some of you think differently and that's fine.

Now that I've established that gift-giving is compulsory (for me), the next question is: what do I get that person? Do I know what they want? I do if they have a registry and then I simply pick an item that falls within the range that I want to spend, depending on the closeness of our relationship. If they don't have a registry? They're getting one of two things: booze or cash.

So, if they tell me that they want cash, it saves me a trip to the liquor store. Everybody wins. What's the big deal?

ianimal ianimal
May '13

When I think of our honeymoon shower somehow the concept of a crowd and getting others to pay just was not in the picture :>) Some things are just better in private.

mistergoogle mistergoogle
May '13

I honestly dont see the difference between a gift registry and a honeymoon registry...

while i can see how a honeymoon registry might go against the initial/old school purpose of a bridal shower (to give the young couple the items they need to start their lives together with) many couples these days live together before marriage and aquire the items they need through that time...

i think the end result is the same, the couple chooses the things that they want (that they might not go out and get themselves right away)... it just seems (to me, just my opinion) that if you are offended or find a honeymoon registry tacky, i would think you would also find a 'regular' bridal shower registry tacky as well...

as for the cash only request, i dont think i could ever do that personally, I usually give cash or gift certificate for where they are registered anyway, so it wouldnt bother me to see it..


MG, you are toooo funny!

Chickadee Chickadee
May '13

He's moderately funny on a good day (-;

iPhone-imal iPhone-imal
May '13

Personally, I'm just sick of spending money on my friends' weddings. I'm pretty detailed about keeping my budgets and I've run the totals I've spent on weddings over the years. It's insane. Between engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and then forbid I'm actually in the wedding, dresses, hair, make-up, nails etc. If someone tried to get me to also pay for their honeymoon, they would be greeted with a lot of unpleasant words. People spend way too much on this. You love each other? Great, get married, you don't need to spend $50,000 in the process and drag all of your friends and family down with you.

If it was the only thing, instead of all of the parties, and in lieu of gifts, then okay. But there are far too many occasions associated with marriage that require gifts to take yet another one on top of it.

AliciaStill AliciaStill
May '13

Why is anyone even bothering to get married anymore ? It seems to me most marrieds are screwing around and trashing their spouses. And the others getting hitched are doing it to make a statement and make the news. that's my 2 cents.

jerseycash5
May '13

Honeyfund was on Shark Tank tonight. I agree it is tacky. Its a vacation, if you can't afford it than you shouldn't be going. The money should be put towards rent, a house, kids family and etc.

Have a good night


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