Have a good comeback for a cruel or unnecessary remark ??
So many times I want to have a good comeback remark to someone who says bad things to another person and usually miss my opportunity.
One I am putting aside for future reference is:
"You are FAT and really should lose some weight."
Comeback line: Yes, I know that and I can lose the weight if I want......but you are "UGLY " and there is nothing you can do about that.
joyful HAHAHA, Joyful. Good one, but you know you would never say that to anyone in a million years!
cbel Here's a good one...
"Oh yeah? The JERK store called... they're running out of YOU!"
ianimal Someone told me I "was HUGE" when I was 5 months pregnant. I said, "I'm pregnant, what's YOUR excuse?"
3wbdwnj You guys have heard of plastic surgery, right? Is "ugly" the way to go?
I'm thinking.. "Maybe so... but you're an A-HOLE and there ain't no diet to fix that."
darwin The fabulous comedian Ron White says it best!
If I could offer one piece of advice to the planet, it would be this: Don't marry for looks alone, and I'll tell you why. In a few years, when Barbara's boobs start sagging, she can get plastic surgery, have them lifted, move the nipple wherever. You can actually go to a titty bar, pick out a set of titties and say, "I want those titties on that woman." If her belly gets too big, she can get a tummy tuck and have a belly like a cheerleader. If her vision goes bad, you can have LASIK surgery and have 20/20 vision. If her hearing goes bad, they can install a device in her ear that will give you hearing as clear as it was the day you were born. But let me tell you something, folks: You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
Lady Jayne Cbel: You are probably right but I sure would think it!!!
Darwin: All I can say is........I am speechless with that one!!! but sure think that line would definitely "stop someone in their tracks!"
it's from Senfield... George said it right after he said ianimal's line about the jerk store
Your village called - they're missing their idiot!!!!
(Love that one, and kind of covers all bases!!)
TerryLynn Just walk away --- hard to do but you'll feel like you did the right thing. To quote the Blue Collar Guys - "You can't Fix Stupid..." And if you see them pulled over by the side of the road, just wave!!
mammadone joyful, especially if the guy's wife was currently in a coma, lol.
Disclaimer: the Jerk store line and the line claiming to have had sex with a guy's wife who turns out to have been in a coma are from a Seinfeld episode.
I do not condone having sex with people's wives while they are in or out of a coma, nor do i find comas to be a "joking matter"... except when it's on Seinfeld. Then it's just plain funny.
aside from what i would most likely say, that may not be forum friendly, heres an alternative ..........."thanks, but dont be so vain to assume i would give a rats a$$ what you think"
nonny Being 6-4, I blurted out this one once. Someone said, "I see you're still fat."
I said, "Yeah, and I see you're still short."
In high school (when playing basketball kept me slim) I was always being asked, "Hey stretch, how's the weather up there?"
I never did it, fortunately, but I always thought of spitting on the person and then saying, "It's raining." Better judgement prevailed. God made me gentle natured.
Andy Loigu Remember Fred Sanford and Esther? I think she was an aunt, could be wrong. Fred was arguing with her and then his hand started shaking. She said, "What's wrong with you now?" Fred said, "It's an ugly detector and it's working."
Another time she was on his case and Fred came back with, "Go out in a field and graze."
Esther was Lamont's aunt... I believe she was the sister of Fred's deceased wife, Elizabeth.
Now THERE was a decent sitcom from the '70s... my wife hates it, but she likes Laverne and Shirley, so what does she know? (-;
You're two faced and they're both ugly !
You could be in movies if they would widen the screen !
You look like a million dollars all green and wrinkled !
Your so ugly the doctor slapped your mama !
jerseycash5
John C Ahole-why are you trying on those jeans,You don't look like you fit into a size 6 anymore!
Me- Don't me mad at me because your GUT needs a seperate pair of pants!
Ahole-Wow you gained soo much weight!!!
Me-Wow i knew your son was having a baby,but i didn't know you were carrying it for him!!!
Ahole- Why do you always have something smart to say?
Me- That only happens when you speak!
Lesson here is...Don't fk with me lol
lisacann98@aim.com Seriously, what a rude idiot.
I would have said: "Funny, I don't remember asking for your opinion".
OR
"If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it".
My mom, who was the sweetest person and would never even think of saying anything back to anyone, would always crack me up. With a smile on her face, and in a very low tone would say: "go scratch your ass". I like that one too.
lola Someone once told me I was gaining weight. Shut her up when I said ~ Well I'm still smaller than you!
My favorite retort is~ I take insults as compliments when they come from the height of ignorance.
Baci's mom Hello,
I had someone many years ago at my job tell me i was fat (not sure if he was joking).. I said, I maybe fat, but your ugly and i can diet.....
photofun123 what mammadone said.
If you think a person is cruel or a jerk or however it is you feel about their remarks then you are equally cruel and a jerk if you respond in kind.
CBGB "You are FAT and really should lose some weight."
Comeback#1 (rough): "Really? Well you husband (boyfriend) doesn't think so"
Comeback#2 (gentle): "Yea, well, in my experience people can loose weight but they can't develop class"
hjc The next time someone calls you fat, try something like this:
*look down* "Holy crap! When did THAT happen?!"
"Give me a break. I've been pregnant since 2007. I can't WAIT to finally be a mother!" (Even better, if you're a man!)
"Yeah, I know. My diet consists solely of eating stupid people, and I just meet so MANY of them!"
"Well, let's see YOU try to get enough exercise, while trapped on an alien spaceship for five years!"
"Some people just have it easy. If YOU want to lose ten pounds of ugly fat, you can just cut your head off."
LoneWolf Some people are so rude! I was walking in the park with my three sons and was pregnant with my fourth child. This nobody I went to high school with 10 years prior said "Hey, do you have a t.v."? I said of course why? He looked at my pregnant belly and said "why don't you try watching it sometime". I was stunned, He said this in front of alot of people by the way. I said to him "At least all of mine were planned". I thought my husband was going to beat the crap out of him when he found out. But why waste your time on an idiot.
Jaemeae Joyful - The fact that you would need assistance in responding to a cruel remark demonstrates that you have a very kind demeanor and aren't a cruel person yourself.
I think a simple "Go F' Yourself" would be enough of a shock value to completely shut any jerk up.
emaxxman I frankly think that the very best comeback is to just stare at the person, and then ask in a very quiet voice "Why on earth would you say something so hurtful?" Then a sad little shake of your head, turn on your heel, and walk away with dignity.
There is simply no comeback for that, and the person is, one hopes, left feeling just awful.
lilac Wow! I can't believe people would make some of these comments, especially the one about watching the t.v. sometime!! I think sometimes people are trying to be "funny" and don't realize how rude it sounds when it comes out. Maybe they are just insensitive, who knows?
I don't really have any standard comebacks that I use, I usually just let whatever thought comes into to my head roll on out! I am very sarcastic by nature and would most definitely respond with something equally insulting, but I can also find the humor in most situations so I would laugh about it at the same time.
JRT Lilac beat me to it.....I would do exactly the same ~ I had to laugh tho at the "Go F yourself" because Joyful is the LAST person I would ever expect to hear that word from!
LVMomOfBoys Here's a good comeback...."you have your whole life to be an a$$hole, why don't you take today off "
Wild Angel You've got that right..LVMomofboys....I still cannot bring myself to say the "F": word. You know me well!!!
Joyful I would simply say that " Your mother must be so proud that she raised such a rude and insensitive person" then turn and walk away.
rodeosweetheart 
alpha1beta If you are angry and know the person's name just write their name on a sticky note and stick it to the bottom of your shoe and walk all day with it there...
Works great, especially in an office... :)
ET if someone tells you to kiss their *ss...reply...mark the spot your all *ss...and remember...beauty is skin deep...ugly is to the bone...and if someone explains away their size by using the the excuse that they are big-boned...reply so is a Brontosaurus...this is mild...I used to work with guys from the Bronx and Brooklyn...it was all men...the insults I heard exchanged there were classic...
oldman 
For the rude bully that is moving to a new school...
"I hope your new school has lots of kids that are just like you."
Coralie Since most rude remarks are made to cause a reaction, I find the best return insult it just to ignore them.
If not fed, the offender will eventually starve
Stan when someone says something cruel or stupid I always say ( When God gave out brains you thought he said trains and you said you would take the next one) It make the point and they usualy have nothing more to say.
Snowflake IT was one of two ways with my mother. If she had someone insult her, she would say nothing.....at all.......and continue this ,letting the awkwardness hang in the room like a rancid stench. Just letting them hang themselves. OR, She would tell you to go F yourself. THere are things my mother could say that would cause internal bleeding, with and without cursing. She was the master. I wish I was more like her in that respect. It would usually hit me hours later that someone had really insulted me and then I would fume and think of all the things I wished I'd thought to say. My mother struck like a corbra. You were not getting anything over her. Loved it.
Nothing works like silence. Just stare at them and then after a few moments, say something like: "I can't believe you asked me (or said ) that". If they have any conscience at all they will begin to squirm. If you become rude back you are really no better than they are, they just got to go first. The higher you hold your head the lower they will appear in comparison.
JBJSKJ 
MeisterNJ "I take insults as compliments when they come from the height of ignorance." - Baci's Mom.
Now that is one I'll be using!!
Winston Churchill came out with a great comeback when a woman complained that he was drunk at a social gathering. Paraphrasing here, he said: "In the morning, m'am, I'll be sober, but you will still be ugly."
Rebecka I agree that nothing works like silence. And they do squirm. I guess when people make rude remarks they assume that the "rule" is that the recipient has an obligation to fill the silence with a reply. If they do continue, I've found that putting my hand up in a "stop" position and firmly saying "no" (sort of like you would say "bad doggy" is very effective.
Millie Many years ago my brother and i got into a fight. my dad told us to write 3 good things about the other one. I wrote.
You're not as ugly as you use to be.
I use to think you were dumb because you have no brain, no i know you have it and choose not to use it.
I like you so much i'll help you find your real parents.
Firefly 
pumpkin43 When someone asks you a snarky question, no matter what it is, example : why are you wearing that top?
Always answer: because f$&@ you! Works every time.
just read this on a facebook post:
If you have to insult people or call them names to make a point, then you must not have much of a point to make.
Go F**k yourself always works as some other posters have pointed out. I also like I wouldnt cross the street to spit on you.
cv Wow, I'm kind of feeling bad for the overweight and unattractive. It's like a filthy crime to fat and ugly. LOL!
Stan, I agree with both of your posts.
Kind of sad to see so many posts on this one, just perpetuating the downward spiral...
How about- I'm rubber and you're glue; everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you! Worked in third grade and I think it still works lol.
Jams "I'm not going to say something offensive back to you because you're a lonely spinster who needs to grow up
Mrs Josh Hutcherson When someone needs to resort to name calling, to me it just proves their mouth works faster than their brain. No insult I can throw back can change their bad luck.
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