Advice Needed......Sticky Situation
Today DH and I went over to a friend's house. They have a 2 year old daughter. The daughter took my $300 pair of Rx sunglasses out of my purse that was on their desk and broke the arm clean off. I'm not sure if the glasses can be fixed or not. If not, I obviously will have to get a new pair.
The parents were very clear that they wanted me to give them the bill for either the repair or the new glasses.
I kind of feel bad about them paying for it, but on the other hand their child broke them.
If you were I, would you give them the bill or just eat it? Not sure if this could be a bad situation with these people down the road. They are pretty good friends of ours.
Thanks for any opinions.
Calico696 
This is a hard one. I mean they offered to pay for it, which is what they should have done but I understand where you are coming from not wanting it to become a situation with them.
You have to way the pros and cons
How old are the glasses? Was it time for new ones?
Mommyof3 Do you think that it will put a strain on your relationship either way? Will you resent them if you don't give them the bill? Will they be angry if their gesture to offer to pay was disingenuous? I think these are the questions you need to ask yourself. If it were me, I'd give them the bill. If you left the glasses out somewhere, that would be another story but since it was in your purse...
NicholasCalico
If I being you were not affraid of the loss of there freindship I would let them pay to replacement cost but you seem to think it will strain the freind ship . ask them for 1/2 the cost
Caged Animal First, count your blessings that folks would make the offer. How many times do even good friends not make the effort?
Then, compromise. Sure, you feel bad about them having to pay so much. And they want the opportunity to make up for it. Offer to let them do something else for you, something you don't feel so bad about. Take you out to dinner? Maybe a case of RR??
GC i would pay for them myself and not hurt the friendship , i would feel uncomfortable asking them for money , that said , if i were the parents i would insist on paying, so if it were me i would wait and see if parents pay , if not i would let it go , unfortunatly
cowgirl1 I'd probably pay for them myself and HOPE that they would have the decency to bring it up again and INSIST on taking care of the cost. I give people the benefit of the doubt that they will do the honorable thing out of good faith but very often find that people simply just aren't honorable... yes even good friends.
Did you mention to them that they cost $300? Hopefully they'll follow through on their word without you having to bring it up. I personally probably wouldn't bring it up again... just hope they would.
If they are real friends they will keep asking every once in a while until you get a new pair. Then I would counter the replacement offer based upon age. For example, the glasses are 4 years old but in great shape; I would only accept 50% of the actual replacement cost.
Jay Thanks everyone. The glasses are less than one year old got them in October 2009. The only reason that they are $300 is because they are scratch resistant, polarized Rx lenses. The frames were $125 and the lenses $275.
CS - Yes, I did tell them that they were $300 and the Dad insisted on me giving him a bill. I do, however feel bad about them having to pay that amount. Mom doesn't work etc.
I think the 50/50 thing might be the way to go.
My useless 2 cents- I'm with ComputerSharp on this one for the most part.
Here's something to ponder; Could you consider going back where you got them, sharing your situation, and perhaps get your lenses set in a new frame? Maybe the cost of this option would help.
An old comedian once made reference to trying to get $ out of people without having to bring it up. Just go over their house and break something of that approximate value :)
If you can get the same frame then you should be able to use the existing lenses. Based upon your math, the optician is giving you 25% off. Talk to the optician and they can probably do the new frames at a higher discount and exchange the lenses at little or no cost. This solution is dependent upon the frames availability of course...
Ryan(ligitty) Were the lenses damaged too? If not, give your friend the bill for the frames only and
have the lenses put in your new glasses...
Spring Fever Try to handle this with logical perspective, their child broke it-therefore, yes, the parents should replace it. It would be no different if they were at a store and broke something, they would be expected to pay for it.
Of course being their friend does make things more complicated, so if you're feeling guilty about submitting them full tab just ask them pay at half. I'm sure they'd be understanding, they already seem like reasonable people by offering to pay for the damage up front.
Hope it helps.
I would find out first if they could be fixed. If so, it might not be much at all. Otherwise, I agree, use the old lenses and just get a new frame.
Next time, put your purse out of reach. You could have had medications in there. That would have been a lot worse. Kids are curious.
copygirl I have to say I am impressed that they wanted to pay for them. If you feel funny for the full 300 why not split it? They may only need to replace the arm which is usually about one third of what the full frame without the lenses are. At least that is what we used to charge when I worked for an optician. Good Luck!
I don't understand some of the responses on this thread. Everyone is constantly harping about how people should take responsibility for their (or their kids') actions. There are countless threads on this. Yet here we are suggesting that these parents, simply because they are friends, should not be held for full responsibility for their child's actions?
Where is the logic?
Why does it matter that they are her friends?
Are your friends not responsible for their actions - accident or otherwise?
We are not talking about a $5 set of cheapie Walmart glasses here. The friend should be responsible for the full cost of the replacement (whether that is $300 or $1). If they balk, then you know what kind of friend you have.
emaxxman Calico - I get a one year warranty on prescription glasses. Check where you bought them. Hopefully, nobody will have to pay for them.
maja Calico - it is a good thing that they want to pay for them and as a parent, if it happened at our house, I would be hounding you to make sure that we paid for the replacement.
I would see if you have a warrenty (we did have a year one at our eye dr) and if not, see if you can just replace the frames and keep the lenses. This is the sensible thing to do.
We had a situation where DH, by accident, hit the back of a friend's car bumper (Granted it was not parked in the correct place, but still our fault). I knew where my friend took it to get it fixed and being afraid that she would not tell us the real cost (thinking she would tell us a lesser amount), I called the repair shop and paid for the repair over the phone before she even got the bill. It was a pleasant surprise for her when she picked up the car. It was the right thing to do and this just made it all easier and quickly becoming water under the bridge. Did not impact the friendship at all.
Let them do the right thing, just try to make the right thing as cost efficient as possible for them!
Good luck.
Coralie If you where @ my house and DD broke your glasses or anything of a friends of mine i would fully expect to pay for the repair or a new set.
It would not be the full $300 prob, DD has broken mine once they could fix the arm it had to be sent out and the other time they had to take the lens and put them in new frames also had to be sent out but only had to pay for the frames and a small service fee.
shoebie Yes I would count your blesssings they offered.Those are real friends who take responsibility for thier child. But if they are not old frames most likely you can get the same ones and just put the lenses in them. that way it is not too expensive for them.
Our second son was riding his bike once and hit a parked car (yes very careless and funny at the same time) The owner flipped out saying we broke the side mirror. I explained to him we would replace it not a problem. It had a crack on the plastic and the car just turned 3 yrs old. We looked for a replacement at several junk yards which took about a week to no avail so we bought a new one. (Although they called us everyday and were very annoying) we paid the $500 some odd number to replace it. Its our responsibility and we did it. (and thru this all their car was reposessed BUT thats a whole another story) LOL!
Good Luck Calico!
Christine calico - check out if the temple can be replaced, i mean you don;t want to charge friends the full cost for something that can be repaired.
BUT , real friends would want to make you whole again.
personally i would have trouble handing a 'bill' to a friend, but i certainly would outline fairly what the repair/replacment options are and let them help decide on what should be done, (replace completely or fix what 's broke)
on expensive items like this your homeowner's insurance just *might* cover the loss.
some eyeglass vendors do have a variety of loss prevention polices , so check that out.
i raised three children , and i still have nightmares about the 'terrible twos' just absolutely the worst time of being a parent they are ALL little monsters at that age (yes, even my kids, not just others). i avoid contact with two year olds as often as i can. litterally had to follow them around the house to make sure they didn't kill themselves or somebody else.
Calico- They may be under warranty. It is worth asking. I ran into my optician at a function and she asked how things were with my glasses. Like yours they were just under a year old. I stated they had become a bit marred but otherwise great. She told me I had a two year warranty and they could be replaced free of charge. My lenses are $600.00 alone and with the frames total almost $750. I was very pleased to have the new lenses. I understand it is the temple piece with you but it is worth a try particularly if they are the spring type temple arm as they should have some sort of warranty. Otherwise I'd say split the $150.00 with them.
Greg I have bought glasses from Manhire's in Hackettstown. They were able to get the part to replace the arm for a fraction of the cost of a new frame. Have you considered going back to where you purchased the glasses?
Thats the problem with parents today, they do not discipline their children. If the child broke it, the parents should pay. Why should you have to foot the bill because they are not watching their child.
Ron Calico: If the situation were reversed, would you offer to pay? I bet you would. I would, too, and I would hope my friends would accept my offer. There's no reason for this to affect a good friendship. I would allow them to do the right thing.
cbel ron-thats a wee harsh
calico, i dont think the replacement will cost 300, considering the lenses were the most costly. So having to replace the frames, thats the bill id give your friend. im sure they'd be ok will paying for them and knowing you didnt take advantage of the full 300.00 you paid for every part of your glasses.
I'm stopping at the eye doctor today on my way home. Called them yesterday. Said they can say if they can be fixed if not without seeing them.
Hopefully, they can just get a new arm to put on. As far as warranty, they said those vary by manufacturer. This would probably be the cheapest option.
As far as reusing the lenses if the frames can't be fixed, that can only be done if they can order the same frames. Frames get discontinued all the time, so maybe, maybe not. This would be the second option.
Lastly, if they cannot repair the frames or order new ones, I can have new lenses put in my spares (these are about 2 Rxs ago old). So that's the third option.
Will find out later today.
I don't think Ron was harsh at all. You break it you buy it. Those signs were all over the stores we shopped in when we were kids, and those store owners meant it. If we broke it, Mom/Dad bought it, and we surely were reminded when we got home! Today, people seem to have no regard for other's belongings...No matter their age...
Lori...since '73 Obviously the 2 year did not set out to break the glasses. It's like saying that the woman who left candles burning on her patio had no regard for her neighbors belongings...it was an accident, they happen. If the parents followed the child around they would be accused of over-protecting/bubble wrapping said child. The kid was being a 2 year old... being curious, figuring out their world.
With that said, I would definitely pony up any amount of money for something that my child damaged. And when he was at that age, I wrote a few checks for his curiosity and my lack of watching his every move every single second.
Jenn Personally, I think there's a difference between when someone brings a two-year old to someone else's house and when one goes to the house of someone with a two-year old in terms of responsibility.
If they bring the kid to your house, they are responsible for their kid. If you bring stuff to their house, you are responsible for your stuff. What if, instead of glasses, the kid pulled a lipstick out of your purse and started writing all over the walls? The parents obviously don't leave things like lipstick where the kid can get at it and don't know that you have it in your purse. Would you feel responsible for the damage and offer to help paint the damaged walls? What if it were matches or a lighter and the kid started a fire?
I think adults should be responsible and make sure that they put things out of reach when kids are around. To expect a two-year old to behave like anything other than a two-year old is unrealistic. Live and learn, I guess.
ianimal Calico, so I guess in the future you'll have to install hooks on the ceilings in your friend's houses, so that you can hang your purse and not worry about their kid(s) getting into your stuff...
I was thinking more along the lines of on a shelf in the closet, on top of the refrigerator or leaving it in the car, but I guess hooks on the ceiling would work well, too, Lori (-;
ian is right, put stuff up high so the little terrooritsts can't reach them,
still the parent needs to pony up for the broken item. it is classless to say to somebody who has had possesions broken, "well, you know we have a two year old so you should have been more careful. cute isn't he? oh, he's just exploring, sorry about your 300 dollar item, thanks for stopping by"
hey i know, let's bring a pre-school class to Louvre' and let them explore. it's all good right? i mean we sure don't want to impede their curiosity in any way. oh yeah, sorry about that Divinci painting, but what are you gonna do? they're just kids you know. well, thanks, see ya, we gotta go now.
I think we're losing sight that the kid was 2 years old. The signs you see in the stores are written to deter kids and teenagers that can read away from playing with stuff and to encourage parents to keep an eye on their young ones. Yes, parents need to be responsible but everyone need to be realistic. These sort of accidents are expected from a 2 year old especially if there was no malicious intent (I feel weird saying that talking about a 2 year old, LOL). It's important that the kid was reprimanded for doing wrong, but to come to the conclusion that all parents don't discipline their kids like Ron says I think is a bad generality. Tomorrow the kid is probably going to tip over her glass of milk, maybe ruin a shirt, all normal things to be expected of a two year old. In time she'll learn right from wrong and will work on preventing accidents and mistakes.
I see where ianimal is coming from that it's Calico's responsibility to look after her belongings as a guest especially in the presence of a 2-year old but that means she'd have to watch her stuff like a hawk. Leave the glasses on the floor where the kid plays I'd say she's asking for it but in the end I think parent should take responsibility for their child's mistake.
So it's my fault because I put my glasses in my zippered purse on top of a desk in their family room? I was outside with my DH and the dad only to come in an find the kid with the glasses in her hand and mom telling the kid no, then crack broken glasses. Hmmm, maybe mom should have been watching better since she knew she was the only one in the house. I also should have figured somebody would try to put the blame on me.
Well I can remedy that, I will no longer be going to anybody's house that has kids under ten then, because apparently I'm not equipped to be in the presence of them. Suits me better anyway, not a fan of kids. Broken sunglasses just gives me one more reason to dislike them.
Calico, you seem to be getting upset with some of the answers in here. It IS a sticky situation and you asked. its not about "blame" How can you "blame a 3 year old"? and at the same time, you didnt expect the child to go in your purse so you are not to blame also. It was just an accident. Get the glasses fixed, give the parents the bill as they requested and move on. The less dramatic you make this interaction between you and your friends, the better it will be on your friendship.
Calico, well you just had to have poor eyesight, didn't you? Well, this will teach you! j/k
icicle - I'm not upset at all, I just got myself a brand new excuse for avoiding peoples kids :)
Maybe this is why the reasonable conclusion most have come to is that it should be 50/50 replacement since one could theoretically place some level of blame on both parties. I, however, think that most of the responsibility falls on the parents of the kid and that they should be forthcoming and without any awkward discussion or reminders hand over the full cost of the repair/replacement. But I also don't blame the kid for being what it is: a two year old, LOL.
Let's try to keep it simple here. #1: A two-year old is going to behave like a two-year old. #2 Visiting adults shouldn't have to put their belongings in a safe when visiting. #3: If your kid broke it, you pay. Case closed, imo.
Aren't 2 year olds kind of small? I'm more curious to know how the little darling climbed up on a desk, pulled down a pocketbook, unzipped it, and proceeded to find something within it to break. Perhaps the parents should feel lucky that only Calico's glasses were broken, and not something like the child's arm or face from falling off the desk or strangling herself with a purse strap.
Other than leaving her purse in the car (which I don't believe she should be required to do when visiting friends), Calico did what a responsible person would do, by zipping her purse and placing it out of reach (or so she thought). I think it's ridiculous to blame her for this.
Tracy As a side note...
If you carry prescription meds or any other kind of medicines in your purse and are visiting a household with children, keep your purse with you or where you can keep an eye on it.
A two-year old will explore and how would you feel if they explored your purse sitting on a desk and decided to eat your medicine???
In regards to your sunglasses. Can your friends afford to cover the cost of replacement? If not, what is more important - that they pay even though it might be a bit of a hardship for them, or your continued friendship?
Just my thoughts.
Joanie Calico ... I believe they have groups for 'toddler phobias'. It may be healtheir to just visit with friends who insist in having toddlers in their homes on a less frequent basis rather than the 'cold turkey' approach you are considering... it brings on nightmares about toddlers crawling all over your belongings...
By the way, if you are the same Calico who owns the flower shop, I have seen your
work. It is beautiful!
Wow...why would anyone think this is Calico's fault? First, she doesn't have kids so she put her purse up on the desk thinking the little one wouldn't get it and she zipped it closed! 2nd - she is not responsible to watch the child when she is visiting, it isn't like she was there for the purpose of watching the child. 3rd - if the parents knew she gets into bags they should have told her where to put the bag to avoid the situation.
Tracy-I just looked at my son's age/height/weight chart for when he was 2. At 2 years, 3 days old he was 36 inches tall. So very little climbing would be involved, just a reach of his arm and he could get anything off of a standard desk (according to google is 29 inches).
So... if I put a loaded gun in a snapped holster on that desk and the kid wound up shooting itself, would I be right to expect the parents to refund me for the value of the ammunition?
MO3---Yes, the parents should have told Cailco "I'm putting your handbag elsewhere because of little Susie/Johnny". A non-parent doesn't think of these things nor does a parent well beyond those curious years remember to do those things. When my son was that age, I was constantly removing my MIL bag from his reach. She just wasn't use to his quick hands.
calico took reasonable precautions and the parents of the terrorist two year old should be soley responsible for making her whole again.
and Ian no - you NEVER leave a loaded weapon out where a two year old can get to it.
reasonable precautions change with the object , it is not the same definition for everything. the glasses in the zipped bag in the purse on the desk, is reasonable. no fault for the owner. a pistol left on the desk is not reasonable, fault goes to the owner.
the parents should take full responsibility for the total cost, if they can't afford it then maybe their homeowners insurance will cover it.
Calico i am on the same page with you here, and i avoid two year olds as often as i can. parents for the most part today do not have a good grip on what they are supposed to do with their own children, I raised three kids so i know what it takes, and when they are toddlers, guess what? you have to follow them around and monitor what they are doing!! my own three had the 'terrible twos' for about a decade as i recall. :)
Calico,
Your story reminded me of the Sex and the City episode with Carrie's missing Manolos!! LOL
Make them pay!!!
that sucks you avoid two year olds as often as you can BroDog, I'm sure they're missing out on an opportunity to learn something from you.
LMAO ianimal....I think a gun is a little different.
I just might also mention that I witnessed this "terrorist" as BD has dubbed her, smack both of their small dogs for no apparent reason while I was visiting as well.
Of course the parents just told her to say "sorry" to the dogs, as they also instructed her to say "sorry" to me for the glasses. No slap on the hand or any other discipline. IMO this teaches that you can do whatever you want, as long as you follow it up with "sorry".
Well, in the words of the extremely annoying Michael Kay "sorry, doesn't fix the lamp".
YKW - Never saw that show, so I don't understand your reference.
BTW - I have left my purse in the exact spot on that desk at their house dozens of times without incident. Was never told it wasn't a good place. Won't be leaving it there ever again though.
Brotherdog! WTH. "terrorist" 2 year old, .....you have issues.
and whats with bashing the parents of today? if you arent a parent of today then you dont know what battles we face now.
My god, it was a pair of glasses, I can not believe how the claws come out and some of you can attack groups of people such as todays parents and children. Being a parent is hard, what happened to supporting eachother, Brotherdog, Im so glad you were the eagle eye and model parent of your 3 children when they were little. Im sure they adore your holier than thou self.
Kids test everything and learn from it and parents arent handed a parenting book, the parents of this little kid now have a lesson learned also.
Now stop it with the absolutely ugly and nasty behavior.
BrotherDog, I'm pretty sure that Homeowner's Insurance doesn't cover "the Terrible Twos", lol.
icicle, relax, no one is being ugly or nasty and being a parent today isn't any more difficult than it was 10, 20 or 50 years ago.
icicle -
no nasty behavior, no ugly behavior, just honest commentary, and if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, well then ugly is also.
you seem like a really nice lady and your probably an outstanding mother as well, so don't go all 'mama bear' on me, ok?
they are called the 'terrible twos' are they not? and i did not invent the phrase, it has been used in child rearing books for generations, and child physcologists use this term freely as well. are they all nasty people?
the words terrible and terrorist have the same root word. "terr", and i use that term becuase it is absoultely appropo to the behavior of a young child who does not know their boundaries. and this is why we need to follow our children around so that we can teach them where the boundaries in life are. this is called parenting, and i have seen the lack of it quite a bit recently. so as a young mother i urge you to raise your children with boundries so that they can behave well when they are adults. this is yur mission, and you need to do it.
i raised my three and beleive me when i tell you they were all little terrorists, even yours are terrorists, and everybody can see that except for you because you have the 'mother's blinders' on.(now look i still like you as i can see that you are an honest and sincere person) thes blinders prevent you from evaluating your own children in a clear and fair light.
i don't have any issues with kids, i love em'! i just avoid all contact with them untill they are about 5 or 6 years old and i can organize a wiffle ball gime in the back yard.
untill that time, you need to keep a close eye on your own kids, and raise them within appropriate boundaries, slapping dogs and breaking other's property is outside of thos boundaries, and i am surprised that a smart involveld mom like you cannot see that?
Really? Parents of today face "battles"? Oh c'mon. What did parents do before snap-n-go strollers and carseats? Disposable diapers? Specialty parking, etc? That was "roughing it" and they did it, successfully. Just by the different views posted here one can guess people's ages and how they were brought up. I was brought up in the era where you got the beating first, and then your parents asked questions. The wooden spoon was a staple in Mom's purse. Most parents are busy trying to be their kids' friend these days, leaving them no time to parent.
We're having an issue with "sorry" at our house right now. DS is 11 and has gotten this idea that he can do things against our will, or say innapropriate things, as long as it's followed with a sorry. Guess who's REALLY sorry. Yes, the boy who is spending his remaining Summer days reading, vacuuming, and doing dishes instead of playing outside in the sunshine. And trust me, if this doesn't fix the problem we'll find other ways to address it. We don't just let things go. I wonder how many times a day this little girl has to say sorry to those poor dogs? Then again, I have a feeling the whole "sorry" was a show for Calico's benefit.
Calico, BD, and any others I may have missed, I applaud you for being honest about your feelings. I can't believe that people think there's a problem if you don't like to spend time with other people's kids. I'd rather spend time with someone who was open about their feelings than someone who sucked it up and did the fake smile, all the while being uncomfortable.
I don't think anyone is against disciplining kids. But Lori - who's to say that parents still don't use those tactics anymore? In fact maybe it's gone too far that the authorities need to be called... ? True sometimes they are called for the most stupid, asinine things but there has to be a fine line drawn. I agree that the whole "sorry" thing doesn't work especially after a certain age. It just becomes a conditioned response. However, I think comments saying that parents don't discipline their kids is too much of a generality and I think people that actually AVOID young ones have got some interpersonal issues that's all I gotta say.
At the same time I don't agree with resorting to physical or verbal abuse to get the message across. I think the best parents are the ones where the kids respect them enough that just using a stern voice gets the job done. Sometimes kids fall off the moral bandwagon and they need a shouting to in order to listen up but I think once you've resorted to laying your hands on them or profanity, you've lost the battle of good parenting.
BrotherDog - what are you going to do when your kids have your grand-children? Tell them "sorry kids, when they're 18, we'll talk" ... ???
Youngprofessional82 Calico - wonder how you behaved as a 2 year old????? You must have been a perfect angel.
Its not about sucking it up and putting on a fake smile while being uncomfortable. Its more like being an adult and knowing the difference from a 2 year old and a grouchy old lady who is soo proper cant understand its just a little kid being a kid.
well actually i never said my kids were perfectly behaved. actually my kids are pretty typical kids and i am a pretty typical mom, they make mistakes and so do i. look, im a firm beleiver in boundaries, there are times where i might even be astounded by a young one every now and then. However, there is so much going on, so much stress, and it seems no one really knows how to deal so how can we expect our children to be good all the time? Im pretty sure if youre not doing drugs, not living off welfare, have love in your heart and food on your kids plates, youre off to a good start.
and youre right that parenting per say hasnt changed, anyone whos ever been a parent has had to sacrifice, so why not cut them a break from this awful reputation? the world has changed, for example, yours and several other views of children in general. it makes it tough. I can have a mild anxiety attack worrying about what the people in a restaurant i might go to are thinking about my parenting or I can enjoy my kids. I dont take them to mattars, we go to friendlys, or a diner. I make those choices every day so that im not disturbing anyones elses intimate dinner.
All Im saying is I think a mutual respect is deserved from others that have been where we are.
Im trying my best and have no ill intentions in raising my kids. If they sit on your glasses or smack your dog, I would be sure to reinforce the proper disapline. You may not like the way I do it, but theyre MY kids, how they turn out is on me, im not trying to raise a murderer or a terrorist or a drug dealer. Just good people. i actually consider it my biggest challenge and hopefully my best accomplishment later on in life.
ok rambling, sorry bout that haha
Calico, it looks like the pile of photo Christmas cards you receive is going to be a little lighter this year. :o)
I always inform anyone who comes to my house and haphazardly dumps (not saying the OP did such) on my counter, that we are not responsible for cell phones, car keys, etc. I offer a "3 yr old proof zone" for things. I swear I want to draft a waiver for people to sign. One friend lets my 3 yr old play with her very expensive camera when she has it out. I always have to remind her to make sure it is away and out of reach when she's not using it. Lord knows I don't want to pay for that.....
blackcat icicle - great post.
blackcat - i think it's a little weird that you provide that disclosure up front like they're walking onto The Great American Scream Machine at Six Flags.
I like cbel's conclusion ... try to teach your kids respect of other's property and when you're a guest at someone else's house, try to keep your possessions near you. Hopefully these sticky situations don't come up but if they do, friends should be able to resolve it peacefully.
My family will dump cell phones, laptops and all kinds of fun things when they walk in. I would rather they be safe from the beginning...not to mention I hate when people just dump their stuff all over the counters. Plus I don't want to hover over my son or pay for something that may be in his curious reach. He does know that he shouldn't touch things that aren't his but it happens.
yeah your whole "we're not responsible" speech can rub people the wrong way. I'd rather you greet at the door with a smile and say hey, let me take your jacket and bag from you and put in the closet out of reach of prying hands.
I lost my sunglasses in the lake; will God pay me back (oooops, lightning, think he/she/it has :0
Hackettstown Harold Let me put it another way. If you come to my home and my spouse, child, dog or cat does damage to something of yours that you put out of harm's way, I pay for the damage.
Calico asked a simple question (big mistake on HL, as usual), and people go off on tangents. You just gotta laugh.
cbel, "what time does Dancing with the Stars come on?" is a simple question... this one was far more complex, IMO. Definitely interesting, though...
hahahaha, ianimal. To me, the question was just "Do you think I should allow my friends to pay for fixing my glasses?"
The answers could have been "Yes, allow them to do that" or "No, let it go." If I were the friends, I would like my offer to be accepted.
And, yes, this thread has been interesting and amusing.
ian - if you don't think why in the world Dancing with the Stars is even on TV at all is gonna come up as a reply, well..... I guess you didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition either. (enter Richelieu and Cardinal Biggles complete with flying head gear)
Copygirl - Not sure how I was at two, don't remember back that far. But I'll be sure to ask my father next time I talk to him, as I was HIS responsibility then not MINE. I do remember a really good beating from him with a very big belt around the age of three, because I hid from him in a store. Never did that again :0)
Tracy - Here's to hoping the cards are light this year ;-)
The glasses cannot be repaired, but they do have the same frames in stock. Will be ready tomorrow and under $100.
BTW - If someone came to my house, took off their shoes and my dog chewed them, I would insist on paying for a new pair.
Regarding the hitting the dogs thing. After it happened, the dad said "I guess I really have to stop hitting the dogs....she's copying me". Apples don't fall far from the tree, sometimes parents don't realize how much their kids notice, even very small kids.
computersharp -
how do you know if i have any grandchildren or not? for all you know i could have six to ten of them already running around here. or lees or none. you are just guessing.
and 18? did you even read my post? there was a specific age that i mentioned.
i love kids, just bring them to me when they are 6 years old (or preferably older) and i can work with them. you know, games like baseball, football, tag and capture the flag, and teach them about how to shoot firearms (straight, and safely)
i still referee mostly because i like to work with kids, and i was a scout master in town, and i helped run a chess club for school aged kids for about three years here. i just have an aversion to the "terrible terroristic twos", and jam hands, i hate jam hands, you can wash a kids hands then turn around once and somehow they got jam all over them again. it's weird how that works, i mean the jam is still in a jar in the fridge but somehow is now all over the kids hands? how is that even possible? i don't get it man.
does that make me a bad guy?
Wow, Lori since 73.... using reading as a punishment for bad behavior..... Yikes! Good way to encourage future literacy. I used to take books AWAY from mine as punishment. It was like stopping him from being able to breath.. still can, and it still works, sorta!!! Maybe try taking away all the electronic gizmos, gadgets and entertainment instead??
copygirl... and every one else so sensitive...
How could Calico have beeen responsible for her own behavior at age 2. Her parents had to assume that role. And if no one thought she was a "little terrorist" then, I guess her parents did their job perfectly.
C'mon, we all know, as parents, that kids are just criminals-waiting-to-happen, and it's our job to see that doesn't happen!!
Lighten up!! I never liked and still don't like being around the little rugrats myself, except my own when he was young. I only got through it knowing he was getting older every day!! But wait... those teenage years suck worse!!!
"BTW - If someone came to my house, took off their shoes and my dog chewed them, I would insist on paying for a new pair."
Calico
Yep, that's right.. juts like the Sex and the City episode, worth a look-see. She was made to take off her shoies, Manolos, at a friend's house, then someone stole them. $450 later, she made her friend replace them!!!
YKW-Maybe Lori's son isn't into reading and this is her way of getting him to discover that it can be interesting. (I don't know Lori or her son.) Why comment on how another parent disciplines THEIR child?
Jenn,
Have ya read this thread????
Or is it just because I wrote it....
Anyway... using reading as a punishment.... not cool, whether the kid likes reading or not. Sorry... my opinion, like the entire rest of this post.
Yes YKW, I did read the thread. I didn't say I agree with reading as a punishment, but I do disagree with other people judging other people on how they handle their own children.
"Or is it just because I wrote it...."----I don't understand this statement, maybe I missed something along the way.
YKW,
well, since you're so interested in knowing, my son does not like to read. So it is almost painful for him. As for electronic gizmos, if that was what he was into they would have been taken away. Oh, and as for the dishes, no dishwasher in this house, so he is scrubbing them by hand, a true joy. His real passion lies in outdoor activities. Hiking, biking, riding his scooter, building things with rocks & sticks...you get the idea. Trust me, as his mother, I know what hurts...
Now take a book away from me, and I may have trouble breathing, haha
When I was younger if my Mom made me read that would be punishment that's for sure....
Nosila ComputerSharp has experienced everything in life while living at home LOL! BrotherDog has been there I believe -- wife, kids, grandkids. (Big surprise) I too have little patience for the terrible twos -- been there, done that, no more...
Actually funny, two days ago a coworker's two year old took his ID badge and Parking card to preschool. Daddy asked him and he said he didn't have it, but mommy found it in his little cubby box at preschool. Naughty little boy!
dog chewing up others stuff is similar -
i am wwII history fan/buff. when i was single i borrowed an out of print hardcover book "The 900 Days" by Harrison Salisbury. I had it on the bed stand and when i was a t work my young puppy dog chewed the bejeezus out of it. she really worked it over, unreturnable in that condition
i could not return it to the wwII vet i borrowed it from, and it was hurtful to him. So i vowed to replace it for him. this book was out of print so I cruised all the second hand book stores I could find. couldn't find it anywhere.
two years after I left that job i finally found one. i bought it, wrapped it up and gave it to a fellow co-worker who still worked there and said give this to Charlie with my blessing and my apologies. Charlie was so pleased that he had his prized wwII collectors item restored, he was happy.
we need to make those around us whole again when we mess up something of theirs. it's kinda like that movie, 'pay it forward' i mean it is just the right thing to do. period.
Jay WTH is your problem dude? Tell me again how you know whether or not I live at home? Why don't you meet me at a Happy Hour sometime and say that crap to my face and see how far you get. It's no wonder you had terrible twos, I'd expect it since they obviously had a terrible father.
Jay, I don't know where you get the idea that people threaten you with physical violence on here...
By the way you are acting ComputerSharp you are living with Mama per posts a while ago. If this is incorrect or you have moved out, why not set the record straight.
A word of advice too, never assume you can handle someone you have never met.
Jay -- you know I don't even know why I waste my breath on you who ever said anything about handling anyone? But since you want me to set the record straight how about this...
My dad passed away last year June 2009 so I moved back home from New Brunswick to help my mom out. I take care of her finances, mow the lawn, fix up the house, shovel the driveway, take her to visit my dad buried up in Vermont and help out my sisters, nephews and nieces with whatever they need all while working a full-time job as an IT Manager and do Computer consulting on the side.
So how about before you start accusing me of being a low-life living at home not putting in my 2 cents, you take your own damn advice. "Never assume you know someone you have never met."
I am not one to go out of my way to be negative, however.....
Jay....open mouth, insert foot...right after you mend some fences!!
Computer Sharp...you have taken verbal crap for quite a while from a few on HL.
I don't know you from Adam, but you are quite a role model for your family members.
I'm sure a few of them look up to you as their hero. Well done....
what speech? lighten up dude....and yes, i greet people with a smile and offer to take their stuff...if they haven't dumped it already. hope that makes you happy.....
jay - CS -
don't make me come down there. i will have to separate you two. i *WILL* put you both in time out!
good lord, behaving like two years old the both of you! so now icicle, this iilustrates clearly why we must do our parenting. boundries need to be defined and firmly established otherwise we just turn into brutes. (see the above few posts)
BrownEyesGuy Jay- Really?? What do you have against Computer Sharp? Have you guys met before?
Jay you should really feel like crap about talking bad about Computer Sharp living at home. You are not going to find too many men willing to give up their life to go help their Mom out. Most would just send their parents to a nursing home because they are too busy or can't handle it.
Are you jealous? All I can think is that your parents couldn't wait for you to get out of the house and once you were out you were not welcomed back why else would you be so jealous of Computer Sharp living at home? You have no reason at all to care about Computer Sharps situation.
damn, maybe we need to make an "everything i do "wrong"" thread. that way we can be upfront honest about our imperfections and who thinks their s*it dont stink. oh but wait, we'd fight over that too, bc if one person said they did something that was "wrong" it might offend somebody who didnt think it was wrong and they do it. wow its a lose lose situation here on HL.
Nope - never met. He just decided to start bashing me one day out of the blue when some other forum member (won't mention names) decided to bring up this entirely irrelevant piece of information about me living at home in Hackettstown.
Thanks for the support SF and Nosila.
Let me set something else straight: I used to be the college kid that swore I would never move back home after graduating. I thought it was a step back in life and I always wanted to be progressing forward. I have perfect credit, a stable job and can easily (and will soon) move out of Hackettstown. I was just looking at a condo in Stanhope this weekend but couldn't stand the high taxes + HOA fees. Rent in NJ is incredibly high too but I can afford it. I went to school for Economics and try to figure out the most efficient and economic solution for everything while not compromising happiness. I'm fine being at home now but the 50 minute commute is starting to get old so I'll be out soon, don't you all worry.
But Jay, thanks for the concern. I was suggesting you to come to HH so I can say all this to your face and give you a chance to apologize but you pushed my buttons to air out the laundry (which I hate to do but seems other forum members like to do it for me for some reason) so kudos to you, jackass.
Calico -
LOL, not me, that's for sure!! But "Carrie Bradshaw" (played by Sarah Jesicca Parker) does!! You should rent the series, I think you'd enjoy it!!
spring fever -
thks, did it and i gottcha,
CS -
you don't have to air out any of this , no need to respond to attacks on you personally.
i just didn't like the thought of "handling" that were expressed in the context of a euphemism for something violent.
but I hear where you are coming from, and you know what? times are different today, the cost of housing and property taxes is astronomical. many of us have adult children living at home. ( i have two out of three with me right now) and it is a direct reflection of the times we are currently living in. in 1977 i rented half a house for 250 bucks per month, split that with my roomate. we had storage in the attic, washer and dryer in the basement, and two bedrooms, fullsized kitchen and two living rooms. i mean times are different now.
so go easy there younger brother and don't let the negativity get to you.
1) Never did I say that someone living at home is a low life but they can be. More to the point, many people stay at home to escape the storm of the real world and thus are not the best candidates for commenting on the real world... This is just my opinion folks.
2) Helping Mom after Dad passed away is a-ok. I didn't know...
3) "Apologize" no chance, read your posts, your later posts... The closest thing to an apology is #2 above. You call someone a Jackass and expect an apology???
4) Nosila, you have my situation all wrong. When I went away to college my parents cried and when I returned for one year after my BS/MS I was welcomed to stay as long as I wanted. Wanting my own place and privacy I made the choice to move out.
5) I have nothing against CS or anyone else on this forum. Yes, I have bashed and educator or two... If CS's story is legit then I "read" him incorrectly.
6) ...
Here's the scoop. They couldn't repair the frames but the had the same ones in stock. The end result to have the old lenses put in the new frames was $45 as there was a limited warranty on the frames. Friends will be reimbursing me the $45. I think they were extremely relieved that it wasn't $300+. So all is well that ends well. Too bad this thread went so sour.
"5) I have nothing against CS or anyone else on this forum. Yes, I have bashed and educator or two... If CS's story is legit then I "read" him incorrectly."
I beg to differ. If I worked at Walmart changing your oil I would be certain to throw some nuts and bolts in your oil fill while I was at it. Honestly, having Jay say your A-ok is not the best reference. But the rest of us here know already that CS is a good person and Jugements passed by people like Jay are not worth the pixels those judgments occupy.
I never used Walmart's auto services, but if you start working their Ryan shoot me an email :)
Just my two cents... I think that the reason these threads go sour is because of the "safety" that comes with typing to a computer screen, and the anonymity it provides. However, we must remember that behind these screen names and gravatars are real people with real lives and problems that they face every day. We never truly know anyone else's story-where they come from, what they're all about, why they say and do certain things. Some people use the anonymity to take out their frustrations and fears, but they forget that they also do not know the story of the person on the other end of the keyboard. I know that no one is perfect, but we really all need to remember to consider the fact that no matter how impersonal this typing and posting can feel, we are still sending these messages to actual people somewhere with their own fears, concerns, troubles, etc. We can really hurt each other by typing before we think, and even though we might not have to see the hurt we cause others, damage is still being done. I honestly feel that almost everyone on this forum is a good person, and I hate that people throw their anger at others so often. I'm not perfect, and I never expect perfection from anyone else, but please-let's be rid of all this drama. Please?
heather Jay - funny as you said in a past thread how I am probably the guy that changes your oil there, insinuating that the actual people who do change oil there (not me) are beneath you. Anyway, it would be nice if you decided to use this forum for beneficial communication instead of an outlet for bashing people. You seem to have intelligence which you could share but it often gets drowned out by the other garbage. But, I guess we all have our vices.
Heather - well said but, it is hopeless. Just avoid the bad threads (I know there are many) and focus on the good ones. Haters will always be haters.
Ryan- I know. I didn't want to give up on this forum, I really didn't. But CS's situation is one that hits close to home for me... I lost my father as well, and it turned my plans for my life upside down. So this is kind of my last straw. I've made wonderful friends on this forum, and I've learned that my neighbors are caring :). But beyond that, I've been let down. Call me a sap, or too sensitive, but I've seen some really low blows on here and it's heartbreaking. I know that certain things are not to be taken seriously, and I think I have a good sense of humor, but this was just too much for me.
Just sitting shaking my head and wondering how Calico's glasses brought us to this point.
Bessie Ok Ryan, nicely put... what can I say. Hey, the previous talk was just talk. I am a believer of actions not words. Unfortunately, this forum is about words, but some have transgressed into the physical world -- to those I salute you.
Have no fear heather. 90% are good hearted and stick up for the like. I am certain CS and anyone else who comes under unjust attack, could care less for the most part. Always keep in mind the source of the ill comments. The forum is still a great place but every great place has some downfalls. I hope to see you frequent the forum with no bad taste left behind. You know you have met many wonderful people here as I have. Heck, we met each other here neighbor. :-) smile and laugh at bashers for they known no better.
As I was reading this I was wonderinghow long it was going to take Jay to mention educators and sure enough he did!! Geeze! Calico I am glad your glasses were only 45!! I thought maybe they could replace the frame or part of the frame, since I worked for an optician before becoming a teacher. CS I am sorry you went through the wrath of Jay but you have turned up to the be the one sitting in the good place! Kudos to you for taking care of your Mom and family! Good luck on your move!
Calico - sorry my living situation (coming out of left field) took the place of your sticky situation for a good portion of the thread. Jay obviously feels no guilt for his comments even though apparently after HE went to college he was doing EXACTLY what I am doing now. I'll just try not to let his ridiculous comments get to me in the future, that's all.
BrotherDog - I'm glad you understand today's situation. I know plenty people of different age groups struggling with jobs, mortgages as do the rest of us. I consider myself blessed to be in a relatively safe spot at the moment. Sorry if I came across a bit rough on the whole two-year-old discussion, you made a great defense I must say when you brought up the refereeing, chess club and such.
Spring Fever, Ryan, Heather, icicle, Nosila and others - thanks for your support. I'm not usually one to let my anger get the better of me but Jay almost seems like a forum stalker looking for any opportunity to strike me. I'm glad you guys see it just wonder if he has anything better to do with his time.
As for some of the rest of you, I'm SO glad you found my disclosure of what happened last year to be "entertainment" and "popcorn"-worthy. I think it goes to show that not everyone is as pleasant or understanding behind the screen as they may appear in person. Maybe you need to remember back to when you lost somebody near and dear.
To bad there is not an ignore (certian posters) feature on this site. Would come in handy with some posters.
Calico, so glad it all worked out well, in the end, for everyone. :)
abbadabbadooooo Heather...there are bullies in all walks of life. Some are verbal, some get physical.
Sadly, bullies are on forums too. We all at some point in our lives have to make decisons as to how we are going to deal with those who seem to take pleasure in
tormenting others. Do we walk away, (sometimes that is necessary for safety) or do
we gather with others and stand up to the bullies in life?
I hope you will learn from this strand. It is still a good strand. Calico asked a genuine question and she got lots of genuine answers. Yes, a bullie showed up. But I think all of us who have been following this may have learned from one another. Maybe next time
we will temper our words more, or stick more closely to the point of the strand, and maybe...some who needed to confront some issues have learned that there is a better way.
In any case Heather, don't let this display of human nature get you down. That's life
sometimes. But it helps to keep looking for a rainbow. One is usually there although you may have to wear a pair of sunglasses to see it clearly...
My mother always told me to "take it from where it comes". I've always remembered that and this is a good place to think about it. There are so many people on here that I like, you just have to ignore the few that you don't. I agree with Aba, too bad there's not an ignore feature.
My question is why is there a need to bring a purse into a gathering at someone's home? I find that if am going to go somewhere like that I leave my purse in the locked car. If I need anything out of it I can always go and get it.
I am not saying it is okay that the child got into the purse but just as the parents were not watching the child, Calico was not watching her purse.
As others have said there are a number of things that can be in a woman's purse that could be dangerous to a young child or could be damaged at a cost.
Parties where the adults are hosting and they also have children things can be hectic and the old "I thought you were watching him/her!" after the child is hurt or into trouble. More so if beverages are being enjoyed. Yes someone (parents) needs to constantly be watching a curious two year old.
If these people are pretty good friends I imagine they are not any where near this Htown life area where they would see your post? LOL, Unless they are already aware of your dislike of children.
I think their offer to pay for the glasses is the right thing to do. I just think that bringing a purse into someone's home is not always sensible, kids or no kids. The best parenting advice always comes from those who don't want/have kids or those who have been there done that, forget how it is when you are going through it. Nothing wrong with not liking children. More people should be that honest before bringing kids into the world then regretting it.
youngnfresh Bully? Read Nosila's post in this thread; if this is not a "S" stirrer... And on the motorcycle thread she states the driver was drunk. The newspaper listed his name and he is from Long Valley. I, for one, would be very careful making such a statement. Maybe he was shocked from the ordeal, maybe he was on meds, ...
CS could have shot me an email after the first time I labelled him and I would have backed down on it. No, this is who I am. Abrasive at times, bully no.
Jay- You have me so right......
If it makes you feel better to go after me and others, go for it....I'm glad I could help
Hope you have a better day
When my oldest son was a toddler we would get together with my husband's sister and her family. Her son was 7 months older than ours. Every time they played together, her son would haul of and smack our son. Every time she would say "no no, that is bad, now say your sorry." Then an hour later it would happen again. After a couple of visits my dh had had enough. He told our son that the next time his cousin hit him he should hit him back. Sure enough thats what our son did. My sister-in-law was outraged. How dare he tell his son to hit another child? What bad parenting it was. Funny thing was, our son was never again smacked by his cousin and they grew up as great friends.
Nosila, I don't have you "right"; I am only stating observations. Above you mentioned have you met, are you jealous, etc. that's all. The motorcycle thread is what it is. I just mentioned that what you did was not kosher and arguably much worse to the LV guy than me calling someone a Mama's boy for whatever reason.
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